Top 10 things I learned in the blizzard…

February 12, 2010

It has been a week since the first snowflakes fell in the little town I like to call Washington, DC. It kept coming, as that depressing Christmas song says, “snow on snow on snow.”

blizzard bikinis 490

An ordeal like this changes people. After a few days of whiteout, your mood turns dark. You begin noticing weird things, and then you start numbering them:

WEATHER-USA/10. During the worst onslaught of snow and ice, two distinct groups of people are still out on the streets: the very, very stupid, and the dog owners. Sadly, I belong to at least one of those groups myself…

9. After a few days, the very stupid group begins to thin out, due to people firing up portable generators indoors and using open flames to thaw their gas caps.

8. I have a Reuters colleague who has actually reported from Antarctica – and not the nice, tropical part. I asked her to compare that with this week in DC. She informed me the difference is, Antarctica gets FAR less snow than we get here. Good to know.

ANTARTICA-GEAR7. I learned if you pay only $3.99 for your “snow shovel,” it was probably intended as a beach toy. Mine broke immediately, and I spent six days moving snow around with a kitchen spatula.

6. As I spent my time trying to prevent people with lawyers from slipping on my sidewalk, a Reuters colleague who often edits my blog was basking on a beach in the Bahamas. He’s still alive only because at least he didn’t send me any photos.

5. In a blizzard, the relentless snow and wind can cause weaker people to hallucinate. Hey! Look at all those women in bikinis! Hey look! Cocktails on the beach!

4. Yesterday, I saw some idiot skiing down a steep hill of solid ice that ends at Rock Creek Parkway, where cars were zipping along at 60 miles an hour. He stopped just inches short of becoming road kill, then climbed back up the hill. He said he wanted to do it again but he had to get to work.

WORK? This doofus has a JOB?

BRITAIN3. As the forecasts grew grimmer and the snow kept falling, “Woo-Hoo!” echoed up and down my street, from neighbors happy about so-called “snow days” off from work. Speaking for bloggers who toil from home and never catch a “snow day” break,  Woo-Hoo my big butt!

2. This blizzard has brought out the best in our neighbors. After long days of digging out and foraging for supplies, every night we party at someone’s home, sharing food and drink before a crackling fire. Of course, the stores are mostly closed and empty now. Let me look at the party schedule. Tonight we’re going to the Donner house….

1. And finally, on the day when DC reached 700 inches of snow and there were winds of 200 miles an hour – those are my own rough estimates – I got an actual e-mail from a reader named Dan, who said Reuters should stop calling it a blizzard, because “we only briefly had blizzard-like conditions.” I hope one day soon to have five minutes alone in a room with Dan, to apply “ball-peen hammer-like conditions” to his stupid cake-hole.

There. I feel better getting that off my chest. I’m sane again, and off to the Donner Party

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Women in bikinis pose on Sydney’s Bondi Beach in a 2007 file photo. REUTERS/Tim Wimborne

A resident clears snow from the rooftop of his home in Falls Church, Virginia February 8, 2010. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

A foraging Emperor penguin preens on snow-covered sea ice around the base of the active volcano Mount Erebus, near McMurdo Station, the largest U.S. Science base in Antarctica, in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/Deborah Zabarenko

Miss World contestants on the beach in the Maldives in a 2000 file photo.

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Whew, you had me scared there for a minute Baz. With a word like ‘learned’ in your title, I wasn’t sure if I should click on it!!

That shot of snow on the roof, reminds me of home!


Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

A friend of mine tells me that his neighbors are an elderly couple. My friend has been shovelling their sidewalk for the past week to prevent them from having a heart attack.

His wife went over yesterday to make sure they were okay since they had not been seen all week.

The neighbor answered the door: We’re okay. We have a snow blower and we just use the back door to get to our Jeep.

Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

Bob, you have the same mentality as my son, who hums the blues when we clear the drive and sidewalk of snow.

Unfortunately, I can’t repeat his response when I said “This IS fun, isn’t it?” Nor can I tell you what actions he took, since I blacked out. But, on the plus side, my doctor says that with aggressive physical therapy my limp may not be permanent, and surgical intervention may uncross my eyes.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

LOL egeria LOL 😀

Ah.. Maldives and Sydney, nothing in common except sighs they’re receiving from UK.. 😀

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Bob… you going to eat humans tonight???? Egaaaaaaaaad!!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I’m guessing you don’t own a dog. Of course, I could be wrong. 😉

Posted by T54 | Report as abusive

Bikinis – Nice! Snopocalypse – Bad.

Gee BG, we’d have shared some meds with you, but there were no flights. Next time, listen to the weather-guesser and stock up on Xanax or LSD.

Wait – maybe you had the LSD, since you were seeing beach scenes in your head.

Say hello to little Bo Donner for me, would ya?

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

So what kinda dog do you have Mr. B.?

I have lived on this island some consider to be a long one my whole life. We experience seasons typical to the northeast in the States. Yet every year people react the same. If a snow storm is forecast they react as if they are about to experience the second coming of Christ. Yet if the winter turns out to be mild they walk about with an air of “How odd.. we didn’t get much snow this season, Al Gore must be right!” I wonder if it’s something in the water….

Let’s all thank Mr. B. for continuing to cater to the demands of his loyal followers. I mean come on, that is one awesome pic of a penguin!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I have mutts. Two rescue dogs, two rescue cats. They may be seen here: 08/12/17/that-deers-around-here-ahhhhhh/

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Whoa, BG, is that Mt. Isi I see in that one photograph? And, are you trying to upset Shra? None of the people in these photos is wearing any shoes? How does that saying go? “I murmured that I had no shoes, until I met a man who was earing only shoes.”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Like Bob, I have two dogs I rescued from a “kill shelter.” German Shepherds both, they both are giant teddy bears with teeth! They like to track critters through the snow: rabbits, squirrels, deer, UPS carriers….

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

The one with the penguin? Yeah, that’s Mount Isa. If you squint you can see LMR in the distance.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I love living in rural Ohio, where ODOT thinks it’s absolutely necessary to plow my driveway shut. At least the five-foot icicles might be used as weapons in case I’m attacked.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I must make a snowman a la Calvin and Hobbes.

Posted by kgolden1 | Report as abusive

k, greetings from a fellow Ohioian. I grew up in rural Ohio, on farms in Defiance and Henry Counties. You left out that ODOT also feels compelled to plow down mailboxes, too.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

kgolden1 you MUST share some pics of your Calvin and Hobbes inspired snowman! I am a big fan of their work!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Hey BG, I forgot about your pooches. I think my eyes got poked out by Pamela.

Posted by T54 | Report as abusive

Doofus is in the eyes of the behir. That’s a type of dragon that resembles a centipede. It has more claws than brains and hunts by running over its food. This is a metaphor for mob mentality.

Stupid to one person is thrilling to another. I look at skydivers with a mix of awe, wonderment, and disbelief. Why would you do that?

I used to freehand climb very large mountains. I never fell or got hurt, or I would not be here. That stopped when I had kids.

My point of posting here is that you demonstrate a complete lack of understanding and some pretty clear distaste for people who do things that you don’t agree with. In this same post, you fail to present anything but a homebody attitude and boomer sensibilities – which is to say that this article is as senseless as it is pointless.

And, you get paid to write. Wonderful. I guess you won’t be surprised that I don’t view reuters as a great source of news. I’d like to read opinion from people who have something to say.

Posted by Demopoly | Report as abusive

If I remember right, they’re “snow goons”. We need more snow goons!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Hey, thanks a lot, Demopoly! Come back soon!

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I bet Demopoly is lots of fun at cocktail parties. Hizzer insight, tact, warmth, charm, and sense of humor must really win lots of friends. I bet Demopoly is goodlooking, too. Must be, the way s/he talks so much about hizzer self when it has nothing to do with anything. Has to be, when s/he thinks others care so much about hizzer opinions and life. Got to be with all those qualities….

Plus, hizzer post has the (always welcome and) redeeming quality of rambling and babbling without ever making its point concretely. I always love a note that crams a 20-word post into a much, much, much longer one. And I always love a post that finally gets to the point in its 4th (of 5) paragraphs after driveling on for 3 paragraphs.

And that is why, for his writing, I would like to give Demopoly a quarter, so that s/he can go call someone who gives a crap about him/her and hizzer opinions.


Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Now now, Doc, everybody is welcome to give an opinion here, even though I’m still stinging over being accused of having “homebody attitude and boomer sensibilities.”

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Don’t listen to Demopoly Mr B; I think you show an excellent understanding of the relative cost/worth of shovels. AND I can figure out the difference between news and opinion.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Speaking of doofuses (doofusses?), how about the guy who knocked down five-foot, swordlike icicles while he stood right under them? It’s embarrassing to have your obit read “death by icicle.”

Posted by slick9 | Report as abusive

Well exactly, slick9. The story of Damocles comes to mind.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Well look at that, poor Demopolys boomers are in a bunch. He/she is very passionate about the thrills of walking a dog in blizzard conditions and wants the world to know it!

I am very impressed that she/he freehand climbed VERY LARGE mountains though! Not those puny, moderately large, or not so large, mountains.

I climbed a staircase that didn’t have a handrail once. I just felt like living on the edge that day and it was exhilerating. That stopped when I got to the top.

Save your quarter Dr. D. Demopoly would just end up calling him/her self anyway.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Ifly, don’t you see the beauty of it? A quarter for a two-bit comment.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

There’s no business like snow-business,
like (there’s) no business, you know?

Snowed in is when you can’t get pizza delivered.
Snowed out is when the lock on your house is frozen.
Snowed under is when the media keeps showing you white-on-white picture of what(?).
Snowed over is when your neighbor hasn’t figured out that the snow blower blows snow somewhere else … onto your house.
Snowed up is when it’s just not funny anymore.

Posted by strangename | Report as abusive

Sounds like fun. I feel for you guys on the mainland. It’s just another crappy day in paradise where tight chicks in bikinis are surfing warm waves. I don’t care my small three bedroom house cost 600k. I love it! Please don’t stalk me down.

Aloha from Hawaii

Posted by goyama | Report as abusive

you’ll find any reason to justify posting a picture of women in bikinis in your article lol

“In a blizzard, the relentless snow and wind can cause weaker people to hallucinate. Hey! Look at all those women in bikinis!”

Only one sentence in the entire article mentions women and you post a picture

Posted by SkimpyDog | Report as abusive

[…] rest is here: Top 10 things I learned in the blizzard… | Analysis & Opinion … Share and […]

Posted by Top 10 things I learned in the blizzard… | Analysis & Opinion … | antarctica News Station | Report as abusive

Wow! Hey BG, I thought you were going to implement some type of very large comment bot that screened out the Demopoly types? They upset my chi.

Although, s/he did get one point correct: “this article is as senseless as it is pointless”.

I thought that was the WHOLE point? I mean, if I expected sense or points, I’d be reading Shakespeare…

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Tase him…her.

Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

Let me get this straight, SkimpyDog. You think you see a picture of women in bikinis? Please get help.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Please help me see women in bikinis. All I see is snow! I’m blind to the bikinis! I don’t see any bikini topsies. Is that snow blindness. Or breast blindness? My echolia seems have stopped. Meds will do that. Thank goodness I don’t have have echolalia. echolalia. echolalia. Oh, great! Thanks, Unca!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

[…] more: Top 10 things I learned in the blizzard… | Analysis & Opinion … Share and […]

Posted by Top 10 things I learned in the blizzard… | Analysis & Opinion … | antarcticas | Report as abusive

Would SkimpyDog have prefered a pic of the penguin in a bikini?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Being that I have no idea what “tumescently” means and Webster was no help cause it doesn’t appear to know either, imma have to trust you on that Unca.

And actually SkimpyDogs rant was misguided. There was no mention of a penquin at all in the blog yet Mr. B. posted a pick of one anyway. Where is the outrage about that?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

the picture with a penguin is a picture of Antarctica. The article is about Blizzards and snowy areas, so the picture of Antarctica is justified.

Posted by SkimpyDog | Report as abusive

Ahhh, see here Skimpy, maybe you have not read enough of these Blogs. Nothing the BG does has to be justified. In fact, the whole endeavor is completely unjustified.

Just take your meds like the rest of us and you’ll be fine.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

What about the photo of cocktails on the beach? Aren’t those unjustified, too?

Posted by rbasler | Report as abusive

True enough Mr. B. If they were eating snow cones ya might have been able to get away with it.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Ayyyyaaaaiii!!!! Too much talk about snow… too little talk about shoes…
and I am enjoying an utterly snowfree Feb… and would like to continue do so….
Like has been said a zillion times before… this is NOT a serious blog…. if you want serious and meaningful blogs, get your fundament outta here….
and if you come back, I am gonna zap you out…
Its a Monday for crying out loud! Dont get me started!!!!

Basler… if you dont post some posts with cute Mr.Fab Abs and some stunning shoe pics… well, you still wouldnt be a person with homebody attitude and boomer sensibilities…. so, there…

A loyal commenter…

P.S:Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah back to every guy on this blog… tad bit late for Valentine’s… :):)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

*kiss* *kiss* To all the girls reading the blog; thanks a lot Shra, I greatly appreciate your token of esteem and panache.

Now, kindly zap the serious people who post in this blog.

And, Robert, right about now would be a great time to field-test that remote taser you’ve been working on for people who are humour-challenged AND STILL decide to comment on your posts.

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

Thanks, justM. I figure those folks will be out in force responding to the polar bear item I just posted, so I’ll test it then.

Posted by rbasler | Report as abusive

Seriously, ~ZAP~ OW!, I would just like to point out that OW! cabin fever is a legitimate OWWWW! problem and OWWWW! can OW! be OW! a OW! serious OW! psychological OW!disorder OW OW OW!

Doggoneit Basler! Stop that. OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!


Hound Dog

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Wouldn’t that be wonderful? A dream come true. I suppose I’d have to set it on stun though, instead of kill…..

Posted by rbasler | Report as abusive

Please, do, Robert, please do. We don’t want to lose any of our esteemed, dear fellow contributors, who slip every now and then and blurt out something that makes others learn something… (I know, I speak for myself! So it’s self-salvaging, I agree)

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

you learning anything, M… got my zapper right here…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

[…] The most popular post of the month, by far, was Top 10 things I learned in the blizzard. […]

Posted by Top 10 things about the blog in February « Read NEWS | Report as abusive

Something to keep me warm, at last 😉

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive