She’s choking! Save the shoes!

March 2, 2010

Blog Guy, I’m dating a fashion model…

Hey, that must be neat.

fashion heimlich crop 260It is, but I worry. She eats so little, and sometimes a raisin or a pea will go down the wrong way and she starts to choke.

So I figure I should learn that lifesaving Heimlich Maneuver.

Okay, first, you don’t want to use the standard Heimlich on her. You need the Size Zero Heimlich.

I didn’t know there was another one.

BRITAIN/Yes. The normal Heimlich would never work on today’s slender, wispy models. You’d break them in half like a twig.

This photo shows the one developed for models and used at fashion shows around the world.

You just feel around until you locate the bean or grain of rice or whatever, and a gentle tap will send it back up.

Thanks! I’m glad I asked you before I made a huge mistake! By the way, while the model is getting the Heimlich in this photo, what is that other person doing down at the bottom?

Oh, she’s removing the model’s shoes.

Ah, so that’s also part of the process?

Yeah, standard procedure. If  the Heimlich fails and the model doesn’t make it, there’s no sense wasting an expensive pair of designer shoes…

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A model is dressed backstage before the presentation of the Julien Macdonald 2010 Autumn/Winter collection during London Fashion Week, February 21, 2010. REUTERS/Suzanne Plunkett

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36 comments

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I believe the law says you get to keep one of them, but have to give the other one back.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Be sure you don’t mistakenly heimlich the model’s brain instead. Being pea-sized and all. I mean, they can’t even dress themselves!!

Maybe alongside that motivational message board they should post the shoe-tying nursery rhyme. You know, the one about the rabbit?

:)

E.

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

Just a little fun trivia…the dummy we all learned to do CPR on was modeled after a dead girl. No joke.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%27Inconnu e_de_la_Seine

If you stare at her picture for 30 seconds, she comes to life and grabs you through your screen.

Posted by sarabelle | Report as abusive

Is she thirsty? ;-)

*slaps own wrist*

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

It’s called the Cinderella Law.

You see, there was a sudden rash of deaths occuring in the model community under the guise the model choked on a cheeto and CPR was attempted. What was really occuring was the fatal “come here and give me an extra teddy bear squeeze” hug was being applied where the delicate spine of the model was instantly snapped and her shoes were being stolen.

Now in the event of a claimed choking, the person who claimed to attepmt CPR is given one shoe and the law takes the other. At the end of the autopsy, if choking is indeed found to be the cause of the death, the person who attempted CPR recieves the second shoe as a reward for trying to save the models life. Whereas if the cause of death is found to be anything other, the person is tracked down, the shoe confirmed as a pair to the other, matched to the foot of the model, and the person is charged with murder and theft.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

What if the model liked her shoes and her spirit haunts you if you keep both of them??? Or even one of them? :P

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Sarabelle, you’re new here so I don’t want to be critical, but your trivia comment was a little too close to education for my comfort.

The last time readers thought they were learning something from this blog, they didn’t come back for weeks.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Thank God that putz Unca is gone. Let’s change the URL while he’s away.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

No Baz, you’ve got it all wrong. That’s not why I’ve been quiet. I just got really busy at work is all and then they started announcing lay-offs and paycuts. I figured I’d better lay low!

:o

E.

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

Well, I imagine you’d get a RAISE if you boosted office morale by inviting all your fellow workers to enjoy this blog daily.

Maybe your boss would even give a bonus for the one who makes the most comments each month.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Did someone say bacon? MMMmmmmm bacon!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I nearly failed a CPR exam once for declaring that the dummy had injuries incompatible with life and leaving her for dead. Well what are the chances of survival with no arms, legs or pelvis?

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

Bonus Baz? Raise? :scratching head:

Oops. I musta picked up something from Shra.

:D

E.

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

I’m going to get a hamster and name him Robert Basler. I will educate him until he claws his own eyes out. Bwahahahahaaaa!!

Posted by sarabelle | Report as abusive

Hey now!!! That was way over my head, E!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I just watched my 3 deer eat hay and field corn in my front yard. Then, they ran off down the road (because the snow is 18 inches deep elsewhere.) My neighbors are ready to kill me, because I bring hay and corn from my farms to here in town to feed the deer, who also eat my neighbors’ flowers, shrubs, and plants. Perhaps I’ll name one of them Bob, since it sort of bobs as it runs down the road.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Blog Guy,

Thanks for pointing out an increasingly troublesome problem in the modeling industry, lightweight models. As seen in the picture, the assistant has to hold the model down to keep her from floating away while the other assistant attaches lead weights to the model’s shoes to keep her anchored to the floor. They had to use the ladder in the background to bring the model down from the ceiling a few minutes earlier.

BTW – I know because that’s my sister.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

CAM, if she is your sister… then you are to be blamed for not guiding her into a more fulfilling career…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Shra – Whaddaya expect? She probably got career advice from Baz on this very same Blog.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

I dunno Shra, seeing as how you have that twitchy eyelid, rolling eyes and green goop behind the ears…I figured the urge to scratch my head must have come from you.

not_Dave, I guess Baz’s career advice is good. I mean, if I were a model, everyone would want to be me. Right now? Pppthhbb…even I don’t want to be me!!

:)

E.

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

DND … true that! Baz has offered some strange career adverts.

Shra … She wouldn’t listen to me. I always thought she’d be good a good neurosurgeon (like me). ;-)

‘scuse me, gotta get back to the OR, stat! I did a brainwashing this morning and it’s about dry.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

E… if I wasnt eyeing a trip to Dublin and a possible crashing-on-your-couch-eating-your-food- without-paying-you-a-dime scenario… then I would have definitely got back to you on that one…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I like her shoes!!!! but not the top, makes her look like she has a hairy back!

Posted by Caglar | Report as abusive

Shra, well you can crash on my couch but as for eating my food…that all depends on whether or not I have any!! Unless…you like Whiskas?

Baz, you jinxed me. Bye bye 10%.

:(

E.

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

Robert, the reason I’ve been MIA for a few days is being swamped with work. I know, I know, two hours a day doesn’t count as much for regular people but in the consulting business that’s a huge overload! Hey, we’ve also got to make a living, right?

That is to say, it’s not the fact that Shra zapped me half to death recently, or that I ate one of your doughnuts which had gone a bit stale and had to revisit the Heimlich administered by our fellow commenter knit_nurse, or any of that…

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

Glad you cleared me of any accusations, M…. welcome back… :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

M, it has not been fun drinking alone! Good to have ya back.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Aww.. E… I am sorry for ya… and No, I dont like Whiskas… got nothing to do with the taste… its just the fact that I know what it is that doesnt appeal to me… I am sure Etcetra disagrees?

All folks on OE… I am having an Alcohol Coma night, tonight… whose in?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Heeeeellllllzzzz yeeeaaahhh I am ready to black the F out!! :)

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Ok, I am just gonna go ahead and embarrass by asking, but what is a POTUS?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Pilot, you’re trying to TRICK me into putting something informative in this blog, aren’t you? Very well, it’s shorthand for President of the United States.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Zap Basler…zap zap zap zap zap…. there! I zapped the future-maybe POTUS… but you wont get your dirty paws on me! Nope!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Wow, thanks Shra! You’ve got one of those tingly menthol zappers that feel really pleasant. I’m left with a minty fresh taste, and a positive outlook on life….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

You are very welcome, Basler… always a pleasure zapping you… or anybody.. :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Mr. B. I greatly appreciate you taking onoe for the team. Now I can brag to everyone that I know who the POTUS is. Your sacrifice has not gone un-noticed.

Although you did seem to enjoy it. If that is the case then let me see what else I might need to know….

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I did zap you Unca…. or didnt I? Ah well… here goes nothing… ZAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive