News, but not the serious kind
Ten jobs you’ll avoid if you’re smart
A reader writes, “Bob, I’m looking for a career, but I get bored reading all the fine print in online job postings. Are there any shortcuts?”
Well sure. What you do is set up a filter so that job descriptions containing certain words or phrases just don’t show up at all, thus freeing up much more of your time for watching “Starsky and Hutch” reruns. The trick is to block just the right stuff, so use my list, which is based on years of career advice.
10. OSAMA BIN LADEN: If a job involves going around looking like that guy, whether it’s for kids’ birthdays, mall openings or whatever, you don’t want it. I’ll admit he’s lived a lot longer than I expected, but one of these days he’s going to order a Big Gulp at the wrong 7-Eleven, and you don’t want to be there when it happens.
9. OF DEATH: Don’t work anyplace that has the phrase “Of Death” in the title, whether it’s the “Thrill Ride Of Death,” or just the “Frozen Yogurt Stand Of Death.”
8. HOMEMADE SUBMARINES: Jeez, a moron should be able to see this one coming. Homemade pies are good, homemade submersibles are bad. If you want to go around in a homemade vehicle, build a Go Kart.
7. SCOTCH TAPE, CROCODILES, MAGNETS: Yes, you read that correctly. Amazingly, this is a growing field for young people, but don’t get taken in.
2. HUMOR BLOGGING: Oh, the brochures are glossy and they make it sound SO neat. But the uniform sucks, the food is awful and classy bars don’t REALLY let humor bloggers drink for free. Oh, and have you noticed I work seven days a week? Is that even LEGAL?
1. BULLFIGHTING: I’ve written lots about this, so don’t even ask. Ignore all those job ads that start out, “Work with animals, enjoy the outdoors.” These guys dress like Teletubbies, they torture noble beasts to death in public, and even humor bloggers can afford to look down on them. Olé my big butt!
Well, there you have it. Of course as always, you should ignore this advice if you majored in creative writing or film studies. In that case, these may be just the right jobs for you.
Bullfighters and other folks with bad jobs, REUTERS photos