Ten stupid things you shouldn’t do with cameras around
A very famous person writes, “Bob, what can we celebrities do to improve our image? Please reduce your advice to 10 simple rules, because we have other stuff to do.”
Well, celebs, thanks to my background in damage control and image consulting, I can tell you it doesn’t matter a bit what you do in private, but when there is somebody around with a camera:
10. Don’t pick your nose in a tuxedo.
9. Don’t pick your nose on a tennis court.
8. Don’t pick your nose in an orange shirt.
7. Don’t make a barfing zombie face after a presidential campaign debate.
6. Don’t spew half-chewed hotdogs into your hands, and then try to eat them again.
5. Don’t meet the press with your zipper down. That means you, Brad Pitt.
4. Don’t make a childish gloating gesture the day your party takes office.
3. Don’t flip off anybody unless it’s really necessary.
2. This one is very important. Don’t go to second base with a woman, especially if you’re married to a former supermodel. And if you have to do it, don’t grin like it’s your very first time.
And lastly, as we saw just this week, if you’re a nominee in a top Oscar category the main thing to remember when there are photographers around is:
1. Don’t publicly grab one of your fellow nominees before the ceremony and slap her around, hold a chloroform-soaked rag over her horrified face and stuff her into the trunk of a waiting limousine. Sandra, Sandra, Sandra…
Top: Sandra Bullock (L) and Helen Mirren arrive at the Academy Awards in Hollywood, March 7, 2010. REUTERS/Brian Snyder
Combo: Italian fashion designer Valentino in a 2007 file photo. REUTERS/Yves Herman
France’s Gilles Simon picks his nose during a match at the Australian Open tennis tournament, January 20, 2009. REUTERS/Petar Kujundzic
The Netherlands’ Crown Prince Willem-Alexander in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Kai Pfaffenbach
Republican presidential nominee Senator John McCain in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Jim Bourg
Takeru Kobayashi of Japan attempts to eat regurgitated hot dogs during the 2007 Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest in the Coney Island neighborhood of New York, July 4, 2007. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson
Actor Brad Pitt poses for photographers during a photocall for the film “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” in Paris January 22, 2009. REUTERS/Gonzalo Fuentes
Incoming White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel gestures prior to the inauguration ceremony of Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States, in Washington, January 20, 2009. REUTERS/Jim Young
Pop star Madonna in a 2005 file photo. REUTERS/Stephen Hird
Bottom, left: French yachtswoman Maud Fontenoy (R) poses with France’s president Nicolas Sarkozy after she was awarded Chevalier of the French order of Merit during a ceremony at the Elysee Palace in Paris, July 12, 2007. REUTERS/Jean-Paul Pelissier