Mom and Dad, the Beautiful People?
I should warn you, I’m kind of emotional today. See, I’m adopted, and I just got a report from a private detective who has tracked down my biological parents after all these years. You can imagine my feelings as I read it.
Hmmm. It says BOTH of my parents were models, which might explain my interest in fashion.
Mom was a runway model for designer Eugene “Toilethead” Johnson, and she “looked graceful in all kinds of plumbing supplies,” whatever that means.
Dad, it seems, “had a stylish flair, exuding a charm that had women swarming around him like roaches on a dead rat.” Wow, this detective has a way with words.
Oh no! Tragically, a month after I was born, Dad was caught smuggling a stolen sapphire bracelet through customs, in his mouth. What was he thinking?
He went to prison, and Mom, broken-hearted, gave me away. She went off to work in Eugene’s metal shop, making uncomfortable but trendy aluminum and copper clothing.
Now for the really tough part. The detective has included a photo of each of them. Trembling, I open the envelope to confront my gene pool for the first time. Well, at least they’ll be glamorous.
Top left: A model presents a creation from the Katy Eary for MAN 2010 Autumn/Winter collection during London Fashion Week, February 24, 2010. REUTERS/Suzanne Plunkett
Top right: A model presents a creation by French designer Jean-Paul Gaultier as part of his Haute Couture Spring Summer 2010 fashion show in Paris, January 27, 2010. REUTERS/Benoit Tessier