News, but not the serious kind
How to spot a Death Panel when it comes for you
Blog Guy, now that this healthcare reform stuff has passed, I guess I have the same question as everybody else.
It’s about those government Death Panels, the ones that will decide if we live or die. I need to know how to spot them when they come to my door. My plan is to slap on a fake goatee, go into a thick Latvian accent, and walk out right past them.
Awesome. Sounds like a great plan, and of course cheating death is usually pretty easy.
The bill that passed on Sunday says only that the panels “should instill a speedy and irrational fear into victims, so as to numb them into instant submission.”
From what I’ve seen, television pundits generally agree that the panel members will go for the dramatic impact of a grotesque leather-clad giant black insect, although a few experts think we’ll see a human skull in a pink shroud. Here are examples of both.
That’s very helpful, but are there other possibilities?
Absolutely. Some think they’ll be patterned after nightmarishly hideous panels from other countries, like these sword dancers from Spain, or shudder – some of those Irish Riverdance folks.
Riverdance? I couldn’t take that. A quick, merciful death would be far preferable.
So Blog Guy, what do you personally think, as a Washington insider with impeccable contacts?
I will be brutally frank. After reading the legal language over and over and speaking with senior government sources, I fear we will look through the peephole in our front door and we will see…
Well, I can’t even begin to describe it, so I’ll just use the photo below. Heaven help us all.
Top left: Villagers perform during the traditional Dance of the Swords in Obejo, near Cordoba, in southern Spain, March 21, 2010. REUTERS/Javier Barbancho
Top right: Dancers perform parts of the “Riverdance” during a rehearsal at Radio City Music Hall in New York, March 16, 2010. REUTERS/Shannon Stapleton
Middle: A model presents a creation by designer Tamas Kiraly during a fashion show in Budapest, March 17, 2010. REUTERS/Karoly Arvai
Middle: A statue of “Saint Death” is seen in Mexico City March 19, 2010. REUTERS/Eliana Aponte
Bottom: Country singer Reba McEntire and film producer Jerry Weintraub arrive for the Muhammad Ali Celebrity Fight Night awards banquet in Phoenix, March 20, 2010. REUTERS/Joshua Lott