Naked Noon in Saskatoon?

April 28, 2010

It is dusk in the cabin. The door opens and a brawny lumberjack enters the bedroom, tossing his mighty ax in the corner.

CANADA/He gazes at a sultry young woman in the bed. She is clad only in flannel pajamas, woolen mittens and a hat with fur earflaps pulled down.

Pouting sensuously, she slowly drizzles a can of pure maple syrup down her front….

Oh baby, get ready for Canadian porn!

It turns out, Canada has dropped its modest fig leaf – or I guess maple leaf – and its first pay TV pornography channel will air soon.

It must use at least 20 percent homegrown Canadian content, thus opening the door for movies such as “Sarah, the Mountie Who Always Gets Her Man,” and “Naked Noon in Saskatoon.”

CANADA/Is this the same country that changed the name of its venerable history magazine, “The Beaver”,  because of the sexual connotation, and worried that its national anthem was too sexist?

It’s really cold up there, so we can expect actors saying,“Yes! Yes! Oh yes!” through chattering teeth, puffs of breath coming out of their mouth.

The woman flings the empty syrup bottle to the floor, seductively removes a mitten, and demands, “Take me now, Aiden! You can finish your poutine later, eh?”

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Top: Canadian-born actress Pamela Anderson poses with a person dressed as a seal as part of PETA’s protest of the Canadian seal hunt in a 2009 file photo. REUTERS/Mark Blinch

Bottom: Jerome Beaulieu drains maple syrup at the Chemin du Roy maple grove in St-Augustin, Quebec, in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Mathieu Belanger

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Mmmmm maple syrup. Mmmmmmm poutine.

I’m droolin’ here Baz! And you’re making me homesick! This is payback for wanting some eye candy isn’t it?



Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

Not exactly, E. I thought the poutine reference would make you barf.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

It would if I hadn’t been raised bilingual, Baz.



Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

Now that Canada has loosened up, perhaps “mountie” should be dropped from the lexicon.

Posted by slick9 | Report as abusive

Pamela Anderson is Canadian-born, but ain’t her boobs American-made?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I can just see it: “Mounting the Mounty” and many other titles coming up soon.

Question: do you think they’ll they feature maple taffy as one of the key props in their x-rated movies?

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

Hey Unca, happy birthday my good man!!! :)

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I was gonna make a comment, the the poutine thing just turned me off big time. Ugh, thanks.

Posted by kgolden1 | Report as abusive

Very good, Slick. Tell me the truth. You’ve worked with words professionally, haven’t you?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

A fun day at the amusement park turned into a parent’s worst nightmare as they found themselves, and their families, with front row seats to a Pamela Anderson / Furry Animal make-out session. The amusement park is planning to offer counseling services for the children who were traumatized by the bizarre (and insanely inappropriate) display…

Posted by justK | Report as abusive

Wait wait wait… how did my comment get posted but then disappear? Is it my turn in the spam basket again?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

No Pilot, there’s nothing in the spam basket and I haven’t made anything disappear today. Maybe you posted it to a different item, or maybe you’re just plain nuts.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

You can’t mention Saskatoon without mentioning Farley Mowat: ‘The dog who wouldn’t be’.

Canada already has a porn channel, it is called Ice Road Truckers.

Posted by Ghandiolfini | Report as abusive

I hope they will at least have stories not just sex. Many of the sex blogs are commented on by Canadians.

Posted by widgets | Report as abusive

Honey roasted Mr. B.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

What in earth’s name is poutine? You mean Putin? Is Russia’s Prime Minister doing a porn with Pamela Anderson and some woman in a seal costume? Covered in maple syrup?

Posted by JohnZNYC | Report as abusive


Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Huh… Orgy…
In modern usage, an orgy is an event of group sex where the participants promiscuously and excessively engage in sexual activity.
In ancient Greek religion, an orgy was a secret nighttime cultic congregation overseen by an orgiophant.
In Canada an orgy is “Consensual conduct behind code-locked doors can hardly be supposed to jeopardize a society as vigorous and tolerant as Canadian society.”

Posted by BaBaNoCHi | Report as abusive

Shra? Are you there? Is your taser charged?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Happy B’day Unca!!!!
And yeah, if you fancy Pamela, BG gave you a great b’day gift… though I do have my doubts about that….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Yay, chips and gravy. Not sure the slimy cheese is necessary though.

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

Happy Birthday, Unca. There’s a great gift in the mail, but Shra sort of spoiled it.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I must admit, when I first discovered that not only could you get chips’n'cheese’n'gravy outside of Blackpool, but also that Canada had a special name for it, I was impressed. I still think it’s better with grated cheese thought.

Porn Lady is ONLY clad in pajamas ? Dammit, it’s warmer in Canada than it is in my house ! But at least I have the co-ordination not to pour maple syrup over my nightclothes. Unless I’m asked nicely.

Good luck with the fox-napping Unca, Happy Birthday hon. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

What never ceases to amaze me is the ability of commenters on this blog to look at the pictures, read the story and then take an obscure reference in the post and talk about it for a day.

Amazing. Perhaps some kind of wildlife documentary should be filmed.

Posted by LMR | Report as abusive

Happy B’day Unca :)

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

They have heating in Canada, CG.

You think just because it’s your birthday you get to ask favours do you, Unca? :) Happy Birthday. Will there be pancakes?

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

BaBaNoChi…. you have been zapped….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Am i the only one to notice Pamela’s “nails”… looks like she has gangrene… on prettily shaped nails, of course….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Happy belated birthday unca!

I prefer my poutine with melty, gooey oozing cheese curds. Mmmmmmmm poutine! I didn’t know you could get it outside of Canada…Blackpool here I come!!!



Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

No no E… you cant come here when I have plans to come to Dublin!!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Well then can you bring me some poutine when you do? I’m having a craving!



Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

Now RB, you need to update your scene for modern times. It should probably go more like this:
It’s dusk in the cabin as Aiden, the RCMP officer switches off the snow blower, and tosses his mighty snow boots into the corner, having cleared the driveway for the Dodge Grand Caravan.
The young woman slowly pours pure maple syrup over the front of her body, and after carefully placing the empty bottle in the recycling container, she flings off the toque and says “Aiden, put down that Kraft Dinner, switch off the Blackberry, and take me, take me now. Giant Tiger closes in 30 minutes and I want to stock up on McCains frozen pizzas”.

Posted by zeitgeist | Report as abusive

I like yours more, Zeitgeist, but I’m pretty sure I saw that exact story on pay per view in a hotel recently. I remember the quotes and everything.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Hey, I have mighty snow boots, maybe Canadian porn is a future career possibility for me !

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Getting paid for making naked snow angels. How awesome would that be?

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive