Dining with the boss, 101

May 18, 2010

manners wings 490

Okay, we have this etiquette story that purports to offer tips on how to eat properly “if you are seeking to impress the boss or potential client.”

PHILIPPINES/But judging from the level of the advice, it can only be aimed at folks who haven’t quite evolved to the level of pigs at a trough. You will think I am making these things up, but I am NOT. Among our helpful tips:

* Never gesture with your cutlery

*It is bad manners to clank your utensils loudly against your teeth

* Never smack your chops. Talking while there is food in your mouth should be avoided at all cost…

*Spaghetti should be eaten with a fork only… Never make slurping noises.

*Asparagus should be picked by the stem and eaten with the fingers unless it is a vegetable accompaniment to a dish, or covered in sauce.

*Don’t drink your wine too fast…

So, there you have it, ambitious new employees. Try to remember this crap, so you can become the CEO when it’sย  your turn.

CHINAJeez, maybe we should have a practice dinner.

Maggie, get your fricking hands out of the spaghetti! Lonnie, shake the sauce off that asparagus before you stick it in your cake-hole!

Winona! I can see your whole mouthful of garlic mashed potatoes!

Bonnie, didn’t I fill your wine glass three times already? I’m sure that I just…LAMAR! You point that steak knife at me again, it’s going into your eyeballs!

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Top: Wing Bowl champion John “Super Squibb” Squibb celebrates after winning the 17th annual chicken wing eating contest in Philadelphia, January 30, 2009. REUTERS/Tim Shaffer

Right: Former Philippine President Joseph eats with his hands after their political rally in Maricaban, Pasay city, metro Manila,ย  December 3, 2009. REUTERS/Romeo Ranoco

Left: A man from the Meishan faction performs Qigong, a kind of traditional Chinese martial arts, with a steel knife, in China’s Hunan Province in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/China Daily

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Wow, those women look SOOOO happy to be there!
Dang, smacking your chops is a no-no? Perhaps that is why I never get invited to the boss’ house for dinner. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

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Our company is the other way around. When the boss takes us out, it’s considered bad form to stay sober!!

Not that many of us do…when it’s on the boss’ dime ๐Ÿ˜‰


Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

Thanks, Robert, now I know why I tend to be invited only once to working dinners…

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

“Take it from me even the ugly dudes with mouthfuls of food get the hot chicks by joining the Oddly Enough blog network!”

E, you should join us for the company holiday parties! :)

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

What about flinging doughnuts across the room into people’s mouths? Is that OK?

E … Where do I apply?

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Of COURSE that’s okay, Cam!

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Look, whenever I find myself worrying about “good manners,” I fall back on a poem my Gramma Basler taught me in Wisconsin:

I eat my peas with honey,
I’ve done it all my life
They may taste sort of funny,
But it keeps them on my knife

Another helpful good manners poem begins
There once was a hermit named Dave….
oops, I’m out of room now

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

My pigs NEVER gesture with their cutlery.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

CrowGirl, that simply isn’t true. When your back is turned, your pigs frequently gesture with their forks and spoons. There, I’ve said it.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

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Posted by Boss | Report as abusive

I havent had a company party since Christmas… though it is more fun to stay sober and watch others get drunk…. you get material to tease/hound them for the rest of the year…. :P:P
Not that I do anything of that sort… ๐Ÿ˜‰

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I could definitely use some OE’ers working in the office with me. Might make for better days!! So y’all can send me your applications on FB and I’ll talk to the boss.

Oh and Unca…I might call ya many things, Mr. Manners ain’t one of ’em ๐Ÿ˜‰

Speaking of better days…I really really really..like REALLY need a medidonought today. It’s not a good day at all.



Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

E, I would be happy with just a regular doughnut at this point!

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

My stomach has been rumbling for a verrrrrrrrrrrrry long time… stupid conference calls!!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I had an uncle with a glass eye, who sometimes when at the dinner table would take a mouthful of milk and squirt it out of his eye socket.
Apparently he could also do the reverse – ‘drink’ milk through his eye socket and squirt it out his mouth, although I personally never saw that trick.
So, where are those doughnuts again…?

Posted by zeitgeist | Report as abusive

Jibberish, what are these “regular” doughnuts you speak of?

Last holiday party my boss opened a tab so we all went crazy with the drinks. I ended up getting so sloshed that I did karaoke that Meatloaf song about doing it by dahsboard lights or something with another coworker.

And someone took video of it.

My only saving factor was we were all hammered so no one could blackmail me. :p

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I don’t know that I would call them “regular”, but a hot Krispy Kreme Original Glazed would make my eyes light up about now. Otherwise, a more pedestrian, Dunkin Donuts chocolate cake donut would suffice!

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

Jibberish, a doughnut without medi-sprinkles? You jest.. surely there can be no such thing! Silly rascal you.

Here, have a blueberry cake with Xanax glaze. It’s my favorite. :)

E, what happened? Did they steal your Swingline stapler and move your desk again? Or did they ask you to work Sunday too? Those bastards!! You should set fire to the building. :p

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Mr.Pilot! Thats my favourite!!! And with a Xanax center is just divine….
E, you know what to do to your boss… need help? ๐Ÿ˜›

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

ah… I’m STILL jealous of the wing eating guy :@

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

I just choked down a $Buks “scone”. Just shows how desperatly hungry I was. Now I have to go turn $2 tricks tonight to get my self respect back…

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Thanks guys, you’re all really good at helping me through these days! It was just one of those days where everything was going wrong, starting with opening my eyes this morning.

ifly, Sundays are when I get my free-lance stuff done so I don’t mind that!

Anyway, I’m off home now and yes, a cuddle with my cat will do wonders! Excellent suggestion Spinster!

Night all, sweet dreams! Mwah mwah mwah!!


Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

They can use forks AND spoons?! Damnit, then how come they find it so difficult to drink from a carton of fruit smoothie without dribbling it all over the place? And then getting it up their snout and sneezing it all over me?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Upon closer inspection of the devil chicks (shut up) I have come to notice that one of their faces is orange. Who woulda thought one still had to tan-from-a-bottle in hell.

CrowGirl, and why are they drinking from a carton to begin with? That’s just plain rude cause then the next one to go use it gets all the backwash! Icky!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I dont want to be looking at that pic, when I am eating really….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Especially when it’s tikka tikka chicken, right Shra?

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

Oh god, M, authentic chicken tikka…. you had to remind me didnt you?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Guess I’ll just have to try and make it over the weekend…
Hmmmm… not a bad idea at all…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

But they are still within spitting distance, Unca…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

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