Dining with the boss, 101
Okay, we have this etiquette story that purports to offer tips on how to eat properly “if you are seeking to impress the boss or potential client.”
But judging from the level of the advice, it can only be aimed at folks who haven’t quite evolved to the level of pigs at a trough. You will think I am making these things up, but I am NOT. Among our helpful tips:
* Never gesture with your cutlery
*It is bad manners to clank your utensils loudly against your teeth
* Never smack your chops. Talking while there is food in your mouth should be avoided at all cost…
*Spaghetti should be eaten with a fork only… Never make slurping noises.
*Asparagus should be picked by the stem and eaten with the fingers unless it is a vegetable accompaniment to a dish, or covered in sauce.
*Don’t drink your wine too fast…
So, there you have it, ambitious new employees. Try to remember this crap, so you can become the CEO when it’s your turn.
Jeez, maybe we should have a practice dinner.
Maggie, get your fricking hands out of the spaghetti! Lonnie, shake the sauce off that asparagus before you stick it in your cake-hole!
Winona! I can see your whole mouthful of garlic mashed potatoes!
Bonnie, didn’t I fill your wine glass three times already? I’m sure that I just…LAMAR! You point that steak knife at me again, it’s going into your eyeballs!
Top: Wing Bowl champion John “Super Squibb” Squibb celebrates after winning the 17th annual chicken wing eating contest in Philadelphia, January 30, 2009. REUTERS/Tim Shaffer
Right: Former Philippine President Joseph eats with his hands after their political rally in Maricaban, Pasay city, metro Manila, December 3, 2009. REUTERS/Romeo Ranoco
Left: A man from the Meishan faction performs Qigong, a kind of traditional Chinese martial arts, with a steel knife, in China’s Hunan Province in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/China Daily