Get your butt off the red carpet!

May 21, 2010


Blog Guy, please keep up the coverage of that Cannes Film Festival. We love it. I notice you have lots of red carpet shots, and I’m wondering what that particular spot signifies for the celebrities who are there.

FILM-CANNES/Ah, that’s a very good question.

The red carpet symbolizes the last place they can light up one more cigarette and have a few drags before going inside, where they may have to wait a number of minutes before they can light up again. Look, here comes actor Gerard Depardieu, who as you can see is something of a health nut.

That’s very interesting. Tell me more.

The red carpet at Cannes is the ultimate international spotlight, so if you have a disgusting habit, what better place to share it with the impressionable youth of the world? “Hey kids, light up! I did, and so far I’m still alive!”

So why do you think Depardieu is still clutching his cigarette pack and lighter?

FILM-CANNES/Oh, I’m guessing he’s already calculated how many more he can smoke before he actually gets to the door and the security folks wrestle them away from him.

Heck, he may even have figured how many guards he can fend off before they Tase him and pry his pack of Gitanes from his stubby fingers.

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Top: Actor Gerard Depardieu arrives on the red carpet for the screening of the film “Fair Game” at the 63rd Cannes Film Festival, May 20, 2010. REUTERS/Jean-Paul Pelissier

Left: Cast member Javier Bardem smokes a cigarette as he arrives to attend a photocall for the film “Biutiful” at Cannes, May 17, 2010. REUTERS/Yves Herman

Right: Actress Catherine Deneuve smokes a cigarette during a photocall fat the Cannes Film Festival in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Eric Gaillard

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I cant stand cigarette smoke… and I am sitting on the non-smoking side of the bench… if I even get a whiff of cigarette smoke… that person would be zapped to within an inch of his/her life!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

“Don’t tase me bro, I will join the Oddly Enough blog network!”

Where did Gerard Depardieus neck go?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

And do you notice that not one of them is smiling? Apparently smoking isn’t making them happy, so where’s the benefit? Oh yeah – they’re addicted.

Posted by BethyB | Report as abusive

You smoke, Mr.Pilot? :(
Bethy, exactly, my point!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Shra, as a rabid ex-smoker I will happily recharge your zapper for you!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

No Shra, I do not smoke.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive


Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Catherine Deneuve though, looking good for 67.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

I’m also a rabid ex-smoker. If I catch a whiff of cigarette smoke, I want to zap them too. So, it must be more accepted over there in Cannes, to smoke within close proximity to others. Yuck!
And, you’re right CrowGirl, Catherine does look beautiful for 67!

Posted by vwgal | Report as abusive

Unca… you are a brave man!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Unca…what’s a “powder monkey”?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I know I know!! I saw this in one documentary, where powder monkeys used to be young boys or even girls who loaded cannons when ships were at war… :)
I am soooooooooo glad!!! :D

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I think monkey these days is just a relatively friendly insulting term for a not-very-skilled assistant, the people who held the measuring stick for surveying last time I was on site were called stick monkeys. If we were being polite.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Exactly, CrowGirl. Two more examples: the person who does all the work on my blog while I sit around and have martinis and watch cartoons is called a Blog Monkey, and the person who cleans out the monkey cages over at the National Zoo is called the Monkey Monkey.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

The person who was sitting in the front passenger seat of the minibus who had to get out to let us onto the site was called “Gate B!#£h”. Some of them took that badly. How d’you like your Martinis Mr B ?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Ah!! That’s why I’m sometimes referred to as the Consult Monkey!!! thanks a lot, I learnt my bit for the day.

Shra, all yours!! Zap away!

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

Unca.. buddy… crunchy spines nothwithstanding.. I wish my life was a remotely, if not exciting then intersting, as yours sounds. I spend my days sitting on my bummy bum bum going “Hi, how are you?” and “Is that all, well have a nice day then!”

Trust me, there are times I want to personally experience the effects of an M143. :p

On an upbeat note though I will be getting my own Mr. Scooty in a couple of days! Got a friend coming up from Maryland to deliver it. I will post some pics on FB when I get it. :)

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I know what you mean Mr.Pilot, though in my case, its still on your bummy bum bum all day long, irrespective of how you are feeling, burning your eyes staring away at the computer screen and working away tirelessly… they expect you to put in 11 hour days EVERY F*CKING DAY, and not provide any help…. if there is a test analyst out there in this blog, maybe you can understand what I am going through…
I cant even take a break right now coz they would simply tell me “well, if you cant come today, you would simply have to come over the weeekend..” and add a stupid plasticky icky smile at the end of the sentence!!!!

Ugggghhh! I cant wait to get out of this dump!

Ok.. thats me done… meds kicking in now… :D

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Both Spin, both…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Yeah… thats how I am feeling right now….
was in at work at 7.30… I am still at work! :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Ta, Spin… 1 more month… notice period for permies takes for ever!!! :(

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

A weekend… :(
But the work hours are quite relaxed in the new place… I am supposed to be doing anywhere between 37.5 – 40 hours per week… which is a laugh compared to the 50-55 hour weeks I pull off now!!! And that too, no overtime!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

All of the above and more, Spin! Mucho mucho more!!!
Starting Spanish classes today so, yes, kinda excited… :)
Any Spanishes here who I can speak with? :P

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Shra, if you’re looking for Spanish-speakers you’ll no doubt find quite a few featured in the bullfighting portion of my blog, though I’m not sure how many of them actually come here. Also, bullfighters speak a peculiar form of Spanish where a sentence often ends abruptly, without warning.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

:P I dont bullfighters.. Just need someone to practice with… lost my French that way.. had no one to speak with.. Vous comprez?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive