Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Out on a limb with Lindsay Lohan?

May 25, 2010

lohan 490

Why me, Lord, why ME?

Okay, film production staff, as you know, we signed Lindsay Lohan to a huge three-movie deal and we’re about to begin production. Then, yesterday, a judge ruled that she has to wear this big black butt-ugly alcohol monitoring device on her ankle, 24/7, to make sure she doesn’t drink any booze. It NEVER comes off.

lohan vertical 200So Lamar, hand me those three scripts she’s supposed to start shooting next week. I’m hoping this bracelet device won’t interfere with the story-lines.

Let’s see what we’ve got here. A summer beach romance called “Barefoot in the Sand.” Sigh. A movie where Lindsay plays a ballerina. Groan. And this third thing, “Emma, the Girl with the Really Shapely Ankles.” Crap, this just gets better and better!

Lamar, call in the writers to do some fast rewrites so we have stories to incorporate the ankle bracelet.

We’ll need a movie where Lindsay is a prisoner in a Southern chain gang, and a Viking boat story where she’s a galley slave always chained to the oars.

I guess for the third one she could be a policewoman all bundled up in heavy boots in remote northern Sweden in the wintertime, where there’s nothing to do but solve crimes and – oh crap – drink booze.

This is a fricking disaster. I’ve gotta take my mind off of it.

I’m going to the screening room to see the final edited version of our new $100 million high-stakes blockbuster, “The Unfair Persecution of Clean-Cut Bicycle Hero Floyd Landis.”

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scram 260Top: Lindsay Lohan speaks with attorney in the courtroom during a probation status hearing in Beverly Hills, May 24, 2010. A judge on Monday ordered Lohan to undergo random weekly drug and alcohol testing and wear an alcohol monitoring device, brushing aside objections that they would hinder an upcoming film project. REUTERS/Jae C. Hong/Pool

Left: Lohan in a 2009 file photo. REUTERS/Danny Moloshok

Right: Website for an alcohol monitoring ankle bracelet.

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Comments

Is this somehow connected to Shra’s zapper?

Posted by justM | Report as abusive
 

I like her shoes… :D
And I must say, I have to been to the OE blog atleast 20 times in the past 2 hours WAITING for a blog!!!
BG, get up earlier in the morning and post something first thing! Get it?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

Nah, I prefer those long rods, M..
And whatever her state, I like Lindsay’s outfits as well…
The suit and dress are tres classy.. :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

Well…it could be worse….they could have ruled that she wear a special alcohol monitoring BRA….or even a regular bra….

Posted by justK | Report as abusive
 

“Experience the power of Basler, join the Oddly Enough blog network!”

Remember kids, always drink booze responsibly and in moderation. But eat medidoughnuts like a rock star!!

A public service announcement from your friendly neighborhood Mr. Pilot. :)

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive
 

one word… YUMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY

*drooling* :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive
 

Lamar,

May we respectfully recommend what Luis Buñuel did in his Cet obscur objet du désir. When one actress walked off the set, he simply replaced her with another actress. So, one character is played in the film by two different actresses.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive
 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/That_Obscur e_Object_of_Desire

Somehow, “The Woman and the Puppet” seems oddly enough appropriate for Dr. Doll.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive
 

Yeah, the clothes and shoes are classy, it’s just such a shame that what’s in them is such a train wreck.

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive
 

How does an ankle bracelet know if you’ve been drinking ?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive
 

CrowGirl, it’s quite technical. Basically, if you drink so much that the booze starts bubbling back up and out of your mouth and cascades down to your ankle, the bracelet knows that.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

CG, when you drink alcohol, your body secretes ethanol in perspiration. The bracelet must detect/measure this and radio the data to a monitoring station. Some members in my family wear bracelets, but these devices measure when they’re sober. The system doesn’t work well. The batteries in the units are usually long dead before they sober up.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive
 

Doc… zapp!!! That was positive teaching!!
Jazz.. I couldnt agree more… I am imagining myself in them and I like the way they look!!! :D
Sorry, I am being vain… but I like those clothes and shoes!!!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

Aaaargh my eyes, my eyes!! I didn’t want to learn anything this early in the morning!!

:/

E.

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive
 

And I must say, I have to been to the OE blog atleast 20 times in the past 2 hours WAITING for a blog!!!

I’m with Shra! Blog guy, can we hack into your alarm clock and move the time ahead by an hour or so? :)

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive
 

And, Shra and E, the effectiveness of a zapper rises and falls with the amount of perspiration, since water’s conductivity of electricity rises and falls with the salinity of the water. And as you know, perspiration is pretty salty.

Hah! I am immune to your zapper! Ha! Ha! I never sweat. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Might I suggest liquorice whips?

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive
 

@justK…given what AllThatJazz said about Ms. Lohan being a trainwreck, and rightfully so, let’s hold off on containing her boobies in a bra for now. They seem to be the only thing left to oogle at. :p

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive
 

I feel nothing! Nothing! Do you hear me? Nothing! I am immortal!

… Um, please Nurse, mightn’t I have another donut?

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive
 

If only we could, JB, if only we could…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

Red, please.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive
 

Ideally with some nice sprinkles… Xanax would do fine, thank you very much. I kind of like the contrast of red and blue.

Posted by justM | Report as abusive
 

Doc.. you are numb right now… we’ll talk when you least expect it.. He ha ha ha ha ha!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

Wait, so she’s not even allowed to drink alcohol in her own home ?! Isn’t that, I dunno, Un-American or something ? You can ban people from pubs and clubs in the UK, but not drinking at home. Although I suppose an Englishman’s home is his castle, and you lot don’t have castles…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive
 

Nah.. they got big stately homes called estates… and White Houses… hardly castles.. :P
Edin got 2!! Right smack down in the middle of city center!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

And if you’re South African, you can never be banned from having castles in your castle!!!

Posted by justM | Report as abusive
 

At the risk of infuriating Shra’s zapper, http://www.castlelager.co.za/

Posted by justM | Report as abusive
 

So, U South African, M???

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

Yes, I believe M is usually a South African name….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

I think that applies here as well… do they?I dont go dancing in pubs… infact just came back from a pub lunch with the new work force… was invited to lunch… :):)
And they seem like a jolly lot… :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

Last time I had a US acquaintance visiting we went round what seemed like every castle in the country. I have never been up and down so many spiral staircases in my life.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive
 

Pub fare Spin… with a diet coke… but it was good… only thing is… I dont think i have had Chicken Caesar salad with such huge chunks of Cheddar cheese in them before!!!
Seen bacon and anchovies put in but never cheese!! Go figure (literally!!)…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

not too bad… I have had better…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

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