Honey, the Death Panel is here! It’s for you!

May 29, 2010

death squads 1

Blog Guy, since the passage of the new health care reform you’ve been great about following the creation of those Government Death Panels that will go door-to-door deciding if we live or die. Is there anything new on them?

Yes, but I need to correct you. They won’t go “door-to-door.” They will visit carefully screened addresses, where somebody sent an e-mail to death@deathpanels.gov to point out that the resident has been sneezing a lot, or walking with a limp or something.

death panel crop 260Thanks for setting me straight. Granny will be happy to hear that.

Anyhow, they’ve finally settled on uniforms. Sort of half-surgeon, half-soldier. Here they are in uniform outside their office, just waiting to be called in by some agency needing their services.

I see. Which agencies are expected to make use of them? I want to make sure I stay on their good side.

Good question. It says here they can be sent out by the IRS, DMV, PBS, the University of Wisconsin Alumni Association and uh-oh…


The Census Bureau. Look, I have to go warn some tenants and then do private stuff for a few years.

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Republican guards rest before the arrival of Algeria’s President Abdelaziz Bouteflika and his South Africa’s counterpart Jacob Zuma at the presidential residence in Algiers May 26, 2010. REUTERS/Zohra Bensemra

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“Bring out your dead!”

Seriously, I have it on good authority that the death panels will not go door-to-door. I looked into it because I have a titanium accessory in one of my legs, and I sometimes limp just a little. So, those of you who question, you can be assuerysertzkuygdxu
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Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Poor doc! So upset by the panels he has reverted to using a coded language. Or perhaps he just needs a donut and a hug and to improve his typing skills.

Send out the zombies to keep them occupied as they always seem to have a limp and a few parts missing.

Happy Saturday!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

“Knock knock. Who’s there? The Oddly Enough blog network, join it!”

“I’m not dead yet!”
“Yes you are.”
“No I’m not! I’m happy! I think I will go for a walk!”

Since ya mentioned Monty Python Doc. :)

Why does the death panel look so bored? Is everyone eating apples all of a sudden?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Uh oh, looks like the panel got to Dr. Doll. I guess Shra and I will have to fight over his titanium accessory.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Well, if an apple a day keeps the doctor away, will an apple keep the death squad from doc? What about donuts?

And now I want to watch an old Flying Circus! Brought back some times that made me grin, ifly.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

If Death approaches you and challenges you to a game of chess for your life, counter-challenge him to a game of badminton instead. He stinks at badminton!

By the way, the death squad members (AKA Death’s cheer leaders) appear to me to be neutered. They sit with their legs crossed. I never sit with my legs crossed because… well, you get the idea.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Shra? Are you asleep at the switch? Is your Taser broken? Spinster just used the word “xenophobic” in a comment.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Shra is asleep, Shra is asleep, Shra is asleep. Hey, it’s a free night to wax pedantic on the OE Blog. And, if I knew anything, I would start waxing now.

“Don’t know anything? Join the OE blog and don’t share what you don’t know with nobody.”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Unca, I don’t! The pedants are not the only ones who shall not be zapped for nothing. ~maniacal laughter~

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Spin, hate to do this but.. zappppp!
Doc.. as long as u dont do any learning… you are free to do whatever you wish… I aint finicky…
Lady, if the titanium is in a stylish brogue or loafer (since I dont expect Doc to wear something I would like!), then maybe we would fight… else… all yours!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Nice plug for the OE blog network Doc! Quite appropriate. :)

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Never dispose of a body using a woodchipper if the victim has metalwork in their body… er, so I heard.

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

Are they proper fencing type stabby swords ? Or poking sticks ?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Fillings are fine, Unca. Bigger chucks damage the machine and turn themselves into ballistics.

Doofer, is my generic, can’t think of the word, word of the day.

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

12 months working in an engineering department failed to cure of calling drill chucks “spinny things”. I did switch from “doofer” to “widget” though.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Spin.. had to!
How’s the new place coming along?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Well, you can arrange some boxes as coffee tables you know… stuff them with old heavy college books… place a slab of good looking wood… or a shabby one, for all they care… and voila!!!
Decorate with a vase/ old smoothie glass with really bright flowers and its the bee’s knees!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive