A dab of Kiwi wax on those Florsheims, Mr. Dracula?

June 8, 2010

vampire kit 490

Blog Guy, I need help. I have an overwhelming fear of being bitten by a vampire. What can I do to protect myself?

You could buy this handy 19th century Vampire Killing Kit that went up for auction in London today.

What does it do?

BRITAIN/It looks just like a regular shoe-shine box, only it kills vampires instead of making your shoes shiny.

It’s got everything you need. A crucifix, wooden stakes, a pistol, garlic powder and I think some cinnamon Tic-Tacs for the garlic.

I already have all those things, all over my house and car. I just don’t have a fancy antique box for them.

It’s probably just as well. It could be pretty embarrassing if you confronted a vampire and it turned out you grabbed your shoe-shine box by mistake.  “Can I shine those penny loafers up for ya, Mr. Nosferatu?”

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A Vampire Killing Kit at Christie’s Auction house in London June 7, 2010.  The 19th century kit – with later additions – includes a wooden box lined with velvet encasing  the essentials once thought necessary to keep vampires at bay, including wooden stakes, a crucifix, vials for holy water, garlic powder, a bible, and a pistol. REUTERS/Luke MacGregor

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“with later additions” will also keep census takers, Avon ladies and religious pamphlet persons from your door.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Very nice, Onedoor. You are blazing today!

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

“Join the Oddly Enough blog or fall victim to that which goes bump in the night.”

Speaking of, did census lady every come back like she said she would Mr. B.?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Heyyyyyy!! That looks suspiciously like the goodie box Baz gave me when I joined his cult…er…blog.



Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

Thank you, BG. Am trying to behave and have kept myself indoors after walking; thus sparing polite society from confusion. Made it a point to put on my “don’t wear these in public” clothes. Favorite old jeans with a hole in the knee and a cami. Pink… So not my mean and evil color it would frighten those who know me. Mwaaaa haaaaa haaa!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Hmmm … chocolate covered w/garlic sprinkles … naahh.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Agree with the mirror comment, Spin…. the mirror is quite important so that the Avon ladies can actually show the Vampires and the census ladies,that despite popular belief, they look hideous nevertheless….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@E: LOL 😀 😀

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

No badges? Nah. We don’t need no stinking badges!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Spin,we all know there are exceptions… though truly speaking,that guy could do with a bit more meat in him…too skinny for my type…. and not to forget tooo white….:P

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

There’s stuff in those holy water vials. Is that essence of garlic or something ? Also, I’d want a hacky weapon too; machete, short sword, something like that ?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Kiwi wax? Just when I have my friends convinced that dust is protecting my furniture from harmful UV rays, you want me to wax my Kiwi?

Oh cripes, that stuff on my shoes isn’t made from cute little birds, is it? AAaaaaaagh!

Generally, what the birds leave behind winds up on the bottom of my shoes. And I’m not about to buff it in.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Onedoor; you’re worried about kiwis, my immediate reaction was that florsheims were some sort of ancient weaponry I wasn’t aware of…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Back again. Have been trying to finish a nice letter, you remember those don’t you? Pen, paper, envelope? Off to a good start so it won’t be the same ol’ same ol and came to a standstill. Seems I am suffering from…
…Reuters block.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

CG, florshiems were used as weapons by spies disguised as businessmen! And some came equipped with phones in the soles, pre cell phone days. Height and hello all in one.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Luv it, unca!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

E, you got a goodie box? Hell, when I joined the culll…er…blog.. I didn’t even get a lousy t-shirt!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Ifly, consider yourself lucky. Bob gave me a set of Chinese Boxes, you know, one inside another, inside another, etc. Each box is exactly 1/3 smaller than the one it fits inside, so you never, never, run out of boxes, like one of Xeno’s paradoxes, the boxes just keep getting smaller and smaller. Well, that’s given me a hobby. Thanks a lot, Bob!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Is that like walking half the distance to your destination, then walking half that distance, then walking half that distance, E’s cat, E’s cat, so you never actually end up reaching your destination?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Ifly: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeno%27s_pa radoxes

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Doc, at the end of that wiki page there is a link entitled “See also: balls and vase problem” – the mind boggles !

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

What is explained in that link Doc is why I failed calculus multiple time before I managed to squeak out a “D”.

To me the answer is very simple.. “Zeno, dude, start running, I will give you a head start.” :::after a few seconds starts running, catches up to, and passes Zeno::: “There ya go, paradox busted!”

Or the not so popular.. “Zeno, bro, stand here.” :::moves some distance away. Draws then fires arrow at Zeno::: “See that, now you are dead. Paradox busted!”

Yet the tests in calc class were never that interesting. Go figure.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I never was any good at maths…. infact, the more I tried to run from it… the more it was thrust in my face…. and to this day, I try and avoid it….
Not that it helps much….
Doc, I could zap you just for making me go through that page!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive