The Hickey Queen of Floozy High?

June 30, 2010

Blog Guy, last week you did an item on a traditional Chinese therapy that involves putting suction cups on a person’s back, and you seemed to poke fun at it.

OLYMPICS/I SEEMED to poke fun at it? Maybe I’m getting too subtle lately.

As a practitioner of this therapy, I demand that you write about its benefits. Here you can see a very healthy woman who has undergone our treatment. I will admit that the suction therapy did leave a slight discoloration in a couple of spots on her back…

Slight discoloration? Oh my God, she looks like she ran from a paintball ambush!

Listen, Blog Guy, there is no reason to…

Slight discoloration? Did an angry shoe-shine boy beat her with his rag?

Now you see here!

Slight discoloration? Did she get drunk and pass out on a hot waffle iron?

How long is this disrespect going to continue, Blog Guy?

CHINA/I never know. Slight discoloration? I guess she swam a family of lamprey eels across a river to safety?

Are you almost finished, Blog Guy?

Just about. Slight discoloration? Who is she, the Hickey Queen of Floozy High School?

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A Chinese swimmer, with suction cup marks on her back after traditional treatment, attends practice at the National Aquatics Centre ahead of the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games August 4, 2008. REUTERS/David Gray

A patient undergoes cupping treatment at a weight loss center in Changchun, Jilin province June 21, 2010. Cupping treatment involves creating negative pressures within glass containers, which are then inverted and placed onto the back of a patient.  REUTERS/Sheng Li

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Wow, the reader is upset over your “disrespect” after DEMANDING you write about the benefits of octo-suction therapy? You shoulda demanded the reader write about the benefits of your foot up his bum.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I think you may have misunderstood what’s going on here, Ifly. I wanted to use a bunch more one-liners about that suction process, and I REALLY wanted to write a headline saying “The Hickey Queen of Floozy High?”
It’s the simple things that make life fun…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Can we be sure that these are not supernumerary nipples?

Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

Maybe she was hugged too hard by an octopus. It could happen.

Posted by kgolden1 | Report as abusive

Billl, you mean “Superfluous Papita” a la ‘The Man With The Golden Gun’?

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

I agree Mr. B., it is the simple things. In that case, I retract my previous comment and the readers bum can remain sans foot.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

And if those marks were made by a paintball marker then:

1) The paintballer who did that is one skilled marksman

2) oooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwww……

The second part I speak from experience.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Actually those marks are as a result of the Chinese Swim team’s new motivational sessions, where they swim across a pool of jelly fish, and then dive into a nest of angry octopusses (octopi?).
Either that or those are cigarette bruns and the swimmer is actually only 18 inches tall.

Posted by Somnambulist | Report as abusive

All I’m saying is that we may need some white bars here..

Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

Another fine example of Mr. Basler’s spot-on reporting I do say.

Posted by Logrus | Report as abusive

Spotty at best. I like that. But folks, it’s still all about The Hickey Queen of Floozy High….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Did you happen to attend Floozy High?

Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

She told her boyfriend if he is gonna give her a hickey to put them where her parents won’t see.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

BG she nap attacked by her little brother with a vacuum cleaner before the big swim meet.

Posted by ochoo | Report as abusive

Floozy High is an all tramp, er, girls school, Bill. Her boy friend must have some mouth on him to leave hickeys that large. I do so hope he is treating her nicley and not like a dog. “Here Spot!”

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

If I were one of her teammates, I would give her the nickname “stripe.”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

The Hickey Queen
From Floozy High
Dated a rather
Obnoxious guy
Off they went to see Dauphin
And the Queen was very sly
She was “spotted” – seen
Eating hot poutine
Followed by apple pie.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

The Lesser Spotted Swim Bird (I got nothin else)

Posted by creigh | Report as abusive

Hickey that big… that even possible?
Baz, you know anyone from Floozy high?
My roommate, long long ago, was one!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

This should be allowed in USA and UK, a LOT of fatties here can benefit… 😀

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

More over, she doesnt look the least bit obese to me!!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

In case that becomes a member of the “Spammed out messages” group… I dont find the swimmer the least bit on the same side as the gentleman in the Suction-Me-Cheese Lumps-Out blog….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Then the octo-treatments worked Shra! :)

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Ahh!! You really think so, Mr.Pilot! Maybe I should get myself enrolled… say, when would those hickey marks go away?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

No need for you to enroll Shra, you are perfect the way you are. 😉

@fwd079… right on!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Aww! You think so, Mr.Pilot? :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I think I may have missed something. Cupping, is that like spooning?

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

I’m not the one to ask, Nurse. I don’t even know what Fairy Cakes are…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Fairy cakes are made by fairies of course, the same as butterfly cakes are made by butterflies and gingerbread men are made by gingerbread mummies and daddies.

I looked for cupping on urban dictionary, Mr B, but I still can’t work out how she got all those bruises, maybe she squeezed too hard.

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

I made Strawberry shortcake over the weekend and got it to work today…. all seemed to like it and the last time I checked they were all alive….
Does that make me a good experimenter? 😀

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive