Looking at scars in ze boolfighter bars

July 1, 2010


A reader writes in, “Bob, you know a lot about bullfighting. What I wonder is, what do those bullfighters do to unwind after the fights?”

That is a good question. They are a very competitive bunch, and they tend to gather at matador bars for sugary cocktails and uncomfortable chit-chat. Let’s listen in…

SPAIN/“Hot enough for ya?”

“Eet’s not so much ze heat, as ze humeedity.”

“I hope you noticed, I was much more cruel to ze bools zan you were today.”

“You? I was TWICE as cruel to zem as anyone else!”

“Oh? Well, zat heedeous purple costume makes you look very fat.”

“Me? You could stand to cut back on ze flan, Juan! We have all seen you shopping in El Gordo Department at El Matador Store.”

bullfighter eyes 240“Hah! Look at ze seams in your sissy outfit. You are boolging like a  piñata!”

“Hombres! Watch zees theeng I can do weeth my eyes!”

“You are so stupeed! Why don’t you just invite ze bool to gouge your eyes out?”

“So, what time do you theenk ze cute chicks will start to come in here?”

“Are you loco? Ze cute chicks NEVER come in here! Zey are inteemidated by our colorful sissy costumes. Also, our shoes smell of bool poop!”

“More Crème de Menthe, bartender. Make eet a double!”

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Top: Spanish matador Sebastian Castella (2nd L) stands with other matadors as he waits for the start of a bullfight at the El Plantio bullring in Burgos, northern Spain June 27, 2010. REUTERS/Felix Ordonez

Left: Matador Miguel Angel Perera (L) and matador assistants wait for the start of a bullfight at the Monumental Frascuelo bullring in Granada June 4, 2010. REUTERS/Pepe Marin

Right: Matador Morante de la Puebla waits for the start of a bullfight at the Monumental Frascuelo bullring in Granada June 4, 2010. REUTERS/Pepe Marin

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More likely they’re putting items of clothing in front of themselves to hide the fact that they have no packages.

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Very interesting combination of German and Spanish in their accents.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Sounds like a lot of bull to me.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Spin, I kinda agree with you…. look at the shape of that bum! Ah, only if the man looked more appetising…. sighhhh…….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

last one is blocking his nose to stop from getting the stink of his killings kill him… sad

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Morante must release sinus pressure to be at his best when fighting da bools.

Posted by MamaC326 | Report as abusive

This load of tedious drivel, happily brief just goes to show that comedy writing is an art and the fake Spanish accent? How lazy can you get. Roberto should stick to vaccuuming up the news. Hasta la proxima

Posted by mephisto1 | Report as abusive


Por favor no vuelva, fathead.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Now, now, Doc, opinions are welcome here. I will add that I faithfully transcribed that conversation just as I overheard it.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Mephisto needs some Dr. Scholls.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Did anyone see that news story the other week about the matador who ran away from the bull and was being sued for breach of contract as a result?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Mephisto, por favor Senor… ¡váyase de aquí

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Really CrowGirl?? That’s awesome! Face the bull or face the courts! Brilliant!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Maybe they’ll have him shot for cowardice.

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

I did see a video clip of this. He turned and ran like a frightened child and vaulted over the wall.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive