It Alps if you don’t look down…

July 2, 2010


Blog Guy, you used to offer a valuable travel service by writing about places to stay away from. For the past three summers my family has taken your advice and crossed dozens of destinations off our list, but now we’re at a loss as to where not to go.

I’m sorry, reader. I hope it’s not too late for you to stay at home again this summer, because they’re about to open another “Are You Fricking Kidding Me?” tourist attraction over in Germany.

GERMANY/Oh good! Tell us what we’re staying away from this time!

It’s a so-called “viewing platform” a half-mile up in the Bavarian Alps. Clearly, if God had wanted us to have that view, there would already be solid ground there.

But look, the caption says the scene from this platform is “panoramic.”

Oh, get a grip. “Panoramic” is nothing but travel industry shorthand for “Isn’t that the chili dog you had for lunch?”

So, Blog Guy, when is the best time to stay away from this platform?

GERMANY/You might ESPECIALLY want to avoid it on July 4th.

Oh? Why?

That’s the day it opens, if you catch my drift.

Do you think you’ll EVER visit that place?

I’ll never step out on it, but I’m sort of tempted to go watch from a safe distance in a couple of months, just to see what happens when the big boozers at Oktoberfest get hammered and decide to take in the view. Now, THAT could be fun!

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Employees work on the AlpspiX viewing platform at the southern Bavarian Alps mountain Alpspitze in Garmisch-Partenkirchen, June 29, 2010. Each arm of the so-called AlpspiX platform is 82 feet long and will end with a glass wall providing panoramas of Hoellental and Garmisch, with a spectacular view down 1000 yards below. It is due to open on July 4. REUTERS/Michaela Rehle

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I take it you are afraid of heights, BG? Never been para sailing,or para gliding… or bungee jumpin?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Got that right, Spin. Wonder if the guy sitting down and grasping the bsrs is checking their strength or terrified to let go.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Shra, I hate heights. Never done any of those things. Wait. I did para-sail once in Malaysia, because a female colleague was going to do it and so of course the guys couldn’t appear to be chicken. But I didn’t inhale.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Garmisch is close to Augsburg, my second home. So is Berchtesgaden, Munich, Neushwanstein Castle, and Salzberg in Austria. A not-to-be-missed traveling experience, even if you skip the viewing platform.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Hey, that’s just a couple of days away, and Alpspitze is only a three hour drive. Perhaps I will check it out for you BG, and send you a report! :-)

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

Oktoberfest…so close, yet so far away.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

And I am going to Stuttgart this month… want me to pick up some beer?
I did parasailing in Pataya… wowwwwwwwww!!! I wanted to go again… but… didnt… 😀

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Bob, I’m just the opposite. I love heights. Jibberish, I envy you right now. I won’t be traveling to Bavaria at all this year. Too much going on here.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Alpine for you if you fall…

Posted by NWHiker | Report as abusive

LOL you didn’t inhale BG? LOL 😀

Never done anything but might do it in future :)

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

No ifs or buts about it… I would faint. OMG. It’s not vertigo I suffer from, it’s acrophobia.

Posted by Warburton | Report as abusive

Sorry, that’s Salzburg, not Salzberg.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I bet Obama Bin Laden paid for this with our hard-earned american tax dollars. Didn’t we give enough to europe during the war?

Posted by Goodoleboy56 | Report as abusive

…paid for this with our hard-earned american tax dollars.

Shra, are you fully charged?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

That’s very true, but there is some room for totally punitive zaps, just for the hell of it.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Isn’t there one of these viewing type platforms already installed at the Grand Canyon? The Grand Canyon Skywalk I believe? So what’s all the hub-bub a’boot?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Absolutely, Ifly. And I made fun of that one when it opened, too. As long as they keep building, I’ll calling them stupid. 07/03/21/you-must-be-joking-tourist-site -opens/

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Interesting, Spin. Poutine and a platform view, all in one. You think projectile vomit falls faster than normal vomit?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Believe it falls at the same rate; but those springy little curds might bounce back up!

Shra, if you go to the viewing stands, do you have to wear platform shoes or those wall climbing stilettos?

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Well then Mr. B. you go right on hub-bubbin!

Welcome back Unca…sorta.. since you only sorta came back. I think a house party is in order for your house! Everyones house would be invited!

I hope Mr. Shotty can do as much damage as the GAU-8 Avenger cause I need to show Orlando “I Am More Feminine Than My VS Model Wife” Bloom the consequences of his actions.

Miranda Bloom…. such a travesty!!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

So, how many loogies & pieces of ABC gum will end up on the mountain tops beneath the platform?

I’m w/Bas. Keep me on solid ground, please. I also have the vertigo problem, so that makes heights worse. My hubby & I recently visited the CN tower & I wouldn’t go NEAR the glass floor. I did, however, eat in the rotating restaurant! Yummy! :-) O Canada…

Posted by MamaC326 | Report as abusive

Unca you’re the bestest pal ever!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

There is one in Sears tower too, in Chicago… isnt there?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Seems to me that they are ruining one view in the attempt to see another.

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

KN, you’re absolutely right. These viewing platforms really annoy me. They are designed for people who take cable cars to the summit and who want the view without putting any effort into deserving it. They ruin the view and the mountain.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Yes, but the problem is, there apparently is a severe shortage of good views of the Alps. I gather you can’t see them at all, from any angle, unless you build an intrusive contraption and sell souvenirs.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

There is actually a post office at the summit of the Zugspitze, so one can mail post cards from there.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I’m just glad they haven’t caved in to gimmicks.

I once went through the Khyber Pass – well twice, actually, since I went both ways – and I was scandalized to find nobody was selling Khyber Pass t-shirts. It’s my right as an American to buy a souvenir t-shirt everyplace I go.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

“Mr. B. went through the Kyber Pass and all I got was this lousy picture of a lousy t-shrt.”

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

[…] They went for the arts – our item about Hell’s Orchestra – and travel, for our exposé of brutal forced shopping in Hong Kong, and a God-awful idea for a tourist attraction. […]

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[…] you been to that viewing platform I wrote about in the Bavarian […]

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