Buckle up, I’ll bewitch you shortly…

July 6, 2010

witch doctors 1 490

Blog Guy, I’m coming to you because I know you build airplanes as a sideline. My company just bought a new, state-of-the-art Falcon 900EX.

I know that plane well. Supple leathers seats, glistening veneers, soft, deep pile carpeting. Goes 4,550 nautical miles nonstop. Is there a problem?

BOLIVIA/It won’t start. We put fuel in it and everything.

And you witch-doctored it real good?

WHAT?

Sigh. You didn’t bring in witch doctors to bless the thing before you tried starting it?

No. How were we supposed to know that?

RTFM! Read the f—ing manual! You’re going to have to scrap it now and buy a new one.

witch doctors 3 280Wait a sec, Blog Guy. That plane you produce, the Basler BT-67. Does THAT have to be witch-doctored?

Seriously? I tell my customers if you don’t witch-doctor the hell out of this sucker before you even start the engine, I don’t know you. I never heard of you, and I don’t want your widow to come sobbing to me! It’s the 21st century, man, ALL airplanes need witch doctors!

Blog Guy, you really enjoyed writing this headline, didn’t you?

Well, it’s not The Hickey Queen of Floozy High? but it was fun just the same….

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Bolivian indigenous witch doctors bless a new Falcon 900EX aircraft purchased by the government of Bolivia’s President Evo Morales at El Alto airport, July 2, 2010.

Bolivian indigenous witch doctors and Bolivia’s President Evo Morales (R) participate in a ritual to bless a new Falcon 900EX aircraft.

REUTERS photos by David Mercado

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Doc, you with them witch doctors?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

On a full moon night,
The witchy witch doctors started a fight
with the evil spirits surrounding a flight,
They listened to the President’s plight
and brought to light
a medieval sight
And banished the ghosts to a distant site.

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I may have watched too much TV as a kid seeing how this title immediately made me think of Samantha, Darrin, and Endora!
BG, do you have to twinkle your nose to get the Basler BT-67 fired up?

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

Baz, I just gotta ask. Which comes first…the blog post or the headline? Do you think up these headlines and then hope (pray? sacrifice? wish upon a star?) that you get an image you can fit to the headline?

I’m just wondering is all.

:D

E.

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

Usually I see a photo that inspires me, then do the post, and finish by coming up with a headline. Once in a while, on rare occasions, I reverse the order when a good headline enters my head, and go looking for appropriate photos.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Nice post, BG! Nice poem, Shra!

Did they splash it with chicken blood?

To think I’ve been flying all these years without one! :-)

What about helicopters? Do they need witch doctors too?

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Good headline, BG!

If you have a twinkle in your nose is it possible doc can help. Take two medidonuts in the meantime, or put the lime in the coconut and call doc in the morning.

Which witch-doctored plane flies the Magical Myatery Tour route? Heard the flight attendants are enchanting.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Federal Aviation Regulation Part 61, section 3, paragraph 5, subpart a(ii), specifically states that after certification of an aircraft but before maiden flight;

“…the aircraft may not be flown unless blessed by witch-doctors to ensure all spiritual entities do not interfere with the safe operation of the aircraft.”

The following sub-part goes on to state:

“It is the responsibility of the owner/operator to obtain and display within the aircraft in full view the appropriate placard stating the blessing has been conducted. It is the responsibility of the pilot in command to verify the placement of the placard before each flight.”

Every pilot knows this, it’s one of the first things taught in flight school. It’s part of the ARROWW checklist for documents required in the aircraft…

Airworthiness certificate
Radio license (internation flights)
Registration
Operating handbook
Weight and Balance
Witch doctors blessing

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Thanks, ifly… Folks, this from a real pilot, so it must be true….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Someone should tell them not to build the fire under the wing tanks!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

@ifly … Brilliant! Do you have to use an FAA approved witch doctor? ;-)

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

As far as the BT-67 goes Mr. B. I hope you do witch-doctor the hell out of it considering it’s literally flown on a wing and a prayer.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Yeah, but offical transport industry laws are weird. The UK has different regulations for driving a train past recognisable and unrecognisable body parts.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Is it just me or is one of those (female) witchdoctors wearing a top hat? A WHITE top hat?

Conspiracy anyone?

Posted by LMR | Report as abusive

How many Bolivian indigenous witch doctors does it take to bless an aircraft?

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

@Doctor: All of them, I suppose :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Jeez… the white hat conspirqacy has reached the bowels of Bolivia!!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

teeheehee….. sure Spin…
I mean, ewww, Spin!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Man, I love this blog but this is mean.

If Bolivians think their gods are going to protect the plane, is ok with them…

I rather laugh about USA people who think Europe is a country (ok, technically is – the European Union- but they refer to it as if France occupies Europe or something)

Posted by SweetPandora | Report as abusive

Pandora,

I hope you’ll forgive Americans for their lack of geometry skills with Europe. They don’t know very much about Africa.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Or Australia come to think of it? :D

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

What is this “Africa” you speak of Doc? I know a little about Europe…something to do with being shaped like a boot.. I think.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Mr.Pilot… I came this close to giving you a geography lesson… stopped just in time, as I realised my US geography is crap… and I cant ask you to exchange knowledge… that would be worthy of the taser… and I dont wanna zap you….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

It’s close to paraguay, Ifly. Some people just suppose so much about Americans, and then they go about making suppository remarks….

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Oh I know about Paraguay!! It’s famous for it’s very large peach colored twin mountains right?

Shra, as a foreigner the only states you really should be able to point out on a map are Florida, California, and Texas for their relative ease of being spotted. When asked about the 45 contiguous states an answer of “somewhere in the middle” would be accepted.

And just know that Alaska and Hawaii stop by every now and then to say hi.

Also, since the introduction of Justin Bieber, we no longer invite Canada to come over and play Playstation with us. Celine Dion was bad enough but we let that slide. This time there is no excuse.

Also also.. I have no idea what I am talking about. Whhhhheeeeeeee. :)

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

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