What the Hell is that sound?

July 13, 2010


Blog Guy, can you answer a theological question for me?

I don’t see why not.

hell accordion 200Do you think there’s music in Hell?

I know for certain there is, and I have a very clear vision of what the big orchestra there sounds like. It’s not like anything you’d find on earth.

Oh! Tell me, tell me!

Well, let’s see. Looking at the stage, over on the left I see a huge accordion section, and on the right it’s bagpipes. Hundreds of them.

I’m getting scared, Blog Guy. What else?

Um, the whole front section is filled with ukuleles, like the one this really rich guy is kissing in the photograph.

And at the very back of Orchestra from Hell there are vuvuzela players, droning on as far as the eye can see.

BERKSHIRE/But blog guy, what grotesque cacophony could all those instruments possibly be playing together down in the fiery pits of eternal human agony?

Please, do I need to state the obvious? They’re playing “Moon River.” The long version.

Oh my GOD! But then, who sings it?

Hey pal, it’s Hell. The karaoke machine is always on…

vuvuzela 490

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Top: Justin Gonzalez plays the bagpipe during the Grandfather Mountain Highland Games at Grandfather Mountain in Linville, North Carolina July 12, 2008. REUTERS/Chris Keane

Left: Australian singer Rolf Harris performs at the Glastonbury Festival 2010 in England, June 25, 2010. REUTERS/Luke MacGregor

Right: Berkshire Hathaway Chairman Warren Buffett kisses his ukulele at  the Berkshire Hathaway annual meeting in Omaha, May 1, 2010. REUTERS/Rick Wilking

Bottom: Fans blows the vuvuzela ahead of a 2010 World Cup soccer match between Mexico and Uruguay in Rustenburg June 22, 2010. REUTERS/Dylan Martinez

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To kick off the karaoke is a duet by Celine Dion and Lady GaGa.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

And in Hell, the Karaoke machine has only one lyric:


Posted by GoingLikeSixty | Report as abusive

OK, to be fair, if I were as rich and old as Warren Buffet, I would terrorise everyone with my Ukelele playing if I damn well felt like it.
In contrast, anyone who plays the accordian is simply one of Satan’s minions – or maybe a professional blogger.
Or is that really just the same thing?

Posted by zeitgeist | Report as abusive

Is that what ‘BP’ stands for, Bag Pipes? Those evil feckers.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

I never understood Rolf Harris….. Does he sing or pant or have an attack of some sort? What does he do???????????????

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I, personally, think are lots of oboists in the Hell Philharmonic.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Enough vuvuzela bashing! :) Seriously though, if you attended any of the games you would’ve heard that it resembled very little the noise one heard from TV broadcasts. But hey, I guess this is the digital world and first-hand experience is meaningless compared to third-party opinion-for-hire.

Posted by CDNrebel | Report as abusive

Spin, I don’t there is such a thing as a bagpiper in training. I think you just pick up the thing and make sounds, whatever. Did you ever hear anybody described as The World’s Best Bagpiper?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I think it’s a punk bagpiper … check the ear.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

I like bagpipes, and I don’t care who knows it.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Well, you might want to look at this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFMKV0YKO 6Y&feature=related

Jack Lee

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Geez, I thought the second dude was Burl Ives for a minute!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Onedoor, don’t ever do anything like that to me again. I have had to jam my favorite pen into my ear, again and again.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Am ever so sorry:)

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

I like them, too, CG. But the oboe? ~shivers~

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Shra, he waves a piece of cardboard around and mutters incoherent lyrics about local wildlife. All Aussie kids are trained to obediently love him, even though they’ve probably seen about as many kangaroos as an average American kid, and certainly none that have been tied down.

It’s an Aussie thing. I think all that Vegemite goes to our brains.

Posted by Wyvie | Report as abusive

Bagpipes are nice… I hear them almost everyday! :P

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Wyvie, is Vegemite similar to Marmite?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I think it is Shra. Both are similar to Switzerland’s Cenovis. All three are love-it-or-hate-it spreads. I was told that Cenovis would make a new man out of me. It did: Mr. Hyde.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

The fires of hell are reflecting off of Rolph’s shirt collar!

Posted by MamaC326 | Report as abusive

there was a scientist who made up a soundtrack with the worlds worst instruments…followeda link to it some time ago. He had harmonicas and bagpipes and yodeling and shrill kiddie sounds and shrieking violins and accordions and all the good stuff.
It actually wasn’t all that bad, rolled all together. I guess it’s just the individual stuff on its own that really gives ya hives.

Posted by REDruin | Report as abusive

I just tasted Marmite and it is officially the vilest thing I have ever tasted…..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I tried Cenovis, which is similar to Marmite and Vegemite, when I was doing some hiking and climbing in the Swiss Alps. I was STARVED. I tried Cenovis. It didn’t taste any too good, but I ate the whole thing and kept it down. Shra, you never have to prove your courage to me in any other way.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I think a popular tune in Hell would be “Bicycle Built for Two.” I hated that song when we had to sing it in elementary school. I hate it still.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I’m marmite indifferent. I prefer Bovril, but marmite is tolerable. Twiglets (marmite flavoured knobble pretzel sticks) are pure evil though. As are oboes.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

I have often thought that the Baroque Oboe started out as a joke, and someone took it seriously.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

My new manager loves twiglets…. she did warn me (after having marmite) never to try them….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Robert, you got it wrong: the singer is Barry Manilow

Posted by justM | Report as abusive