We do have some job openings, Lamar

July 16, 2010


Mr. Johnson, it’s me. They told me I had to show up in person at the employment office to prove I’m willing to take work. So here I am, what do you have for me?

Ah. Let’s see here, Lamar, we have several slots for workers who can put large stones into bags, lug them out into a raging river and hurl them to reinforce some dikes in a flood.

ASIA-WEATHER/And then what?

Then I guess they go back and get some more large stones and do it again. Over and over.

Are you jerking my chain, Mr. Johnson? You know, I do have a degree in Creative Writing, from a good school.

Oh, I didn’t realize that. Well, we also have an immediate opening for somebody to do public relations for a Mr. Mel Gibson.

Is that right? Hmmmm. So how heavy would you say those big bags of stones are, Mr. Johnson? Would I have to work weekends?

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Paramilitary policemen throw stones to reinforce the dike of Meixi Reservoir after floods triggered by recent torrential rains hit Duchang, Jiangxi province, China, July 14, 2010. REUTERS/China Daily

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I dont mind getting drenched, as long as my feet dont get wet.. you know, through my socks and my shoes…
Would that be possible if I take the river job, Mr.Johnson?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

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Posted by Tweets that mention We do have some job openings, Lamar | Analysis & Opinion | — Topsy.com | Report as abusive

How do we know those are rocks in those bags? The contents seem rather round to just be thrown in a river. Plus, that water looks pretty strong, so I doubt those bags would stop anything. This IS China.

Posted by MamaC326 | Report as abusive

Y’know, looking at the amount of water spilling out there, if it were me, running for the hills seems like a much smarter idea than throwing big bags of rocks ito it.
Call me crazy if you want, but standing that close to a swirling maelstrom of watery death, on a slippery-looking uneven slope carrying something heavy that would ensure instant doom should I fall, just doesn’t work for me.
But hey – whatever lights your bunsen burner, right?

Posted by zeitgeist | Report as abusive

That’s a very close call. Shra, are we allowed to use the word maelstrom here? Note he spelled it correctly, which counts against him.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Nah, BG/… I like correct spellings… I would not tase Zee…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Ya know, Shra, I can’t REMEMBER the last time you tased anybody. I think you’re losing interest. If you can’t start causing some real pain, maybe we’ll just give that taser to somebody crazier.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

This isn’t Eugene “Toilet head” Johnson is it?

He always pops up when water is involved.

Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

No, thanks for asking, Bill, but I always make clear when it’s Toilethead. Trust me, nobody would ever put him in a position to offer jobs to people.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

BG, dont even think of taking my taser anyways, else it would be YOU who is zapped…. I save my zaps for people who ASK for it and DESERVE it!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Speaking of paramilitary organisations, where’s E?

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

BG sound slike Shra is distracted get her batteries then the TASE is your’s for the reassigning. Spinster sounds pretty sharp and may enforce the the learning curfew

Posted by ochoo | Report as abusive

Shra, guard that taser!

She was using mental torture, making you wonder when the zap would happen!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Sorry, Nurse. E has been in touch with me, but I’m only allowed to say she’s at an undisclosed location on a mission crucial to the national security of Honduras….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

The bouyancy aids are a nice touch. As if somehow wearing those would prevent the almost instant death that would result from falling in.

I don’t get tased for starting a sentence with a preposition do I?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive