Mary, Mary, quite contrary…

July 17, 2010

queen mary 240It turns out the folks who regulate ads over in Britain have banned one showing Queen Mary I as a flesh-eating zombie, after complaints that it frightened children.

Now, I’m all for not giving nightmares to our children any sooner than we have to, like for example when I had to explain truthfully to my son who Richard Nixon was.

But let’s face it. Queen Mary WAS a flesh-eating zombie! Just check out this portrait, painted while she was the queen, by somebody trying to make her look GOOD.

BELGIUM/They didn’t call her “Bloody Mary” for nothing. Back in the 16th century, she burned some  300 people at the stake just because they checked “No thanks, we don’t want to be Roman Catholics,” when they filled out the questionnaire.

So after all that, we’re supposed to show her baking chocolate chip cookies for the neighborhood children?

Sorry kids, Mary was a nutjob who gave zombies a bad name, and if you see her, run away.

And while you’re at it, don’t take any lemonade from Old Man Hitler, either.

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Right: Mary I c. 1555, unknown artist, National Portrait Gallery, London.

Left: A woman dressed like a  zombie takes part in a parade at the Brussels International Fantasy Film Festival, April 10, 2010. REUTERS/Sebastien Pirlet

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13 comments

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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by robert basler, Oddly Enough. Oddly Enough said: Mary, Mary, quite contrary… http://link.reuters.com/dut97m [...]

Mary does look rather pale in the painting. Maybe she drank too much holy water and it affeted her judgement.

Zombie Parade in Brussels! Believe if you ingest large quantities of their chocolate, it puts you in a stupor. Prime target for those slow moving zombies. And the zombie in the photo could use a little visine.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Where is the Zombie Optometrist? If I were a zombie, I would definitely be an optometrist. If anything has the abiity to go really bad on a zombie, the eyes have it. I suspect Brandy Anne was a lot more fun at parties than Bloody Mary.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

BG and Doc, you need to watch Fido.

Fortunately, none of the doc’s patients have come into the office looking like that. “Please fill out these forms and please do not eat the other patients.” It would just be too difficult trying to disinfect the counter while keeping them from chomping my arm.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Zombies are the reason .50cal bullets and the weapons they are used in were invented.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I don’t understand. There a lot of things that “frighten children”. Are the ad regulators going to ban all of them? In fact, they should probably ban that portrait you included to show us how evil the woman looked.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

I am….. speechless….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Nice eye make-up.

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

On which one of them?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

She could use some lip liner though. It appears her lipstick bled…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

And you’d think she could do something with her hair….

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Again, you’ll have to be more specific, Doc. Which one are you talking about?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I mean the so-scary-that-a-piece-of-saran-wrap-will -do-as-a-Halloween-mask one: Queen Mary.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I query the photograph caption “A woman dressed like a zombie takes part in a parade” and would like to suggest instead “A woman made up as a zombie…” Unless of course you know something about monochrome tartan that I don’t?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive