The worst dress in the history of Earth?

July 26, 2010


Blog Guy, I’m a very strict father with a parenting question. My daughter’s prom is next weekend, and…

Sorry to interrupt you, sir, but what kind of school has a prom in August?

DAKAR-FASHION/It’s a summer school prom. Anyway, you know how kids behave at those things, and I’m afraid the boys will be trying to get her to do you-know-what. So I’m looking to find a prom dress that will keep her absolutely safe.

That’s a tall order, but I believe I’ve found a dress so totally freakish that your daughter’s prom experience is guaranteed to scar her for life and require years of therapy.

That’s just what I want! What does it look like?

Picture a large, festive zucchini with wings and a peephole.

Hmmmm. Well, I don’t know. Remember, she needs to be INCREDIBLY unattractive.

Trust me. In this dress she could prance through Death Row talking nasty at the top of her lungs, and she wouldn’t get a second glance. Now let’s talk about some wooden clogs for her to wear with it.

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Model Liana N’Diaye wears a creation by Ivory Coast designer Anderson D during Dakar Fashion Week, July 18, 2010. REUTERS/Finbarr O’Reilly

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Posted by Tweets that mention The worst dress in the history of Earth? | Analysis & Opinion | — | Report as abusive

Whoever designed this outfit should be nominated for “The Order of the Green Shaft”! Is this what happens when one takes Viagra with Red Bull?

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

It’s kind of like a walking glory hole she can bring to the prom. And while she can still expectorate all the Midori she ends up drinking from the front end, dad can rest assured she won’t be simultaneously getting pregnant on the other end. I like it.

Posted by Dolmance | Report as abusive

OO, & the wings open & close! Are you sure this wasn’t a picture from Comic Con also?

Posted by MamaC326 | Report as abusive

You can actually classify that as a dress???

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Actually, it’s quite fashionable .. on some planets.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

That’s quite curvy for a courgette.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Guru Bob, I sympathize with this well-meaning father. I have another strategy he might find useful: Have her teeth removed and made into dentures–which dad keeps under lock and key. Until she is thirty, she may wear them to church and to choir practice. May seem harsh, but one day she’ll thank him: “Fnang mew mewwy mush,
Ndandy”. (It’ll sound better with the plates in.)

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Oh no! I learned something. Must forget that a courgette is a zucchini! Muuuuussssst fffforrrrrrgeeeeeet. Must forget that a courgette is a zucchini! …. Oh bugger!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Jeez Lala, that’s kind of old school, isn’t it? I mean, that method went out of style in the ’90s.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I think I lost my appetite for zucchini

Posted by Insane | Report as abusive

oh my… wrapped zombies 😀

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Look wat you did Doc!! Insane is scarred for life!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Either that’s a giant oven mit with wings, or it is the latest in missile covers.
Yes, keep your missiles warm, dry, and err, fashionable.
You’d be MAD not to have one.

Posted by zeitgeist | Report as abusive

She is a short lived idea to try to find Banana-man a sidekick!

@Dolmance… that was a bit disturbing. Funny, but disturbing. :p

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Isn’t this Gumby’s partner?

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

I thought Doc came here to learn.

Posted by Insane | Report as abusive

Yes, Guru Bob, my “dental intervention” stratgey for protecting potentially wayward teens may be outmoded, but what is the tragic alternative? Rampant teenage pregnancy!
I stand firm: the fewer “baby teeth” the better.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Ladylala, I believe they still employ your approach in Appalachia, only they do it by getting their children hooked on Mountain Dew at age 1.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

You bet, Spin. Watch this space….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Yeah… saw that just yesterday… you played your part well, BG! Hurrah!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

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