Eft, eft, eft wite eft…

July 30, 2010


Okay Colonel Johnson, thank you for appearing before the Senate Defense Committee with your blueprint for a strong military in our new breakaway republic.

Now, as I understand it, all of your emphasis is on strong teeth and good oral hygiene for our troops, is that correct?

RUSSIA/Exactly, Senator. That’s why I called my document “The Gums of Navarone.”  It’s crucial that each fighting man be able to carry a desk in his teeth, in case he needs to fill out a form or write home.

I see. But Colonel, why can’t they carry the desks with their hands?

They’re TROOPS! They need their hands free for their guns. You could say they need their hands for their arms, heh heh…

There’s no place for humor here, Colonel. Now, is it necessary to move these desks around, or couldn’t we have scattered ROOMS with desks, called OFFICES?

Yes, technically, if you want to be just like every other military, Senator.

Colonel, you propose using actual dentists to train the troops. What do you call this cadre of dentists?

Drill Instructors…

Sigh. You know what, Colonel, that’s it. This is too stupid, even for this blog, even for a Friday in July. You may take your plan and leave now.

But Senator! We haven’t mentioned choppers yet!

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Top: A Russian soldier carries a desk with his teeth during a ceremony celebrating Navy Day at the harbour of Russia’s far eastern city of Vladivostok, July 25, 2010. Russia marks its Navy Day on Sunday.

Left: A serviceman holds a desk by his teeth at a military show during the celebration of Defender of the Fatherland Day in Vladivostok, February 23, 2010.

REUTERS photos by Yuri Maltsev

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carrying a desk with your teeth is a feat I dont think we would see from anyone….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I wonder if they have to submit to a cavity search before they can join the army.

Posted by Logrus | Report as abusive

BG … thanks for the Friday laugh! :-) This gives a whole new meaning to desk jobs in the military.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

That dismissal of Blog Guy had some real teeth to it.

Posted by REDruin | Report as abusive

Kinda gives new meaning to that expression of defiance we all know and love .. “Bite Me”.

Posted by lceel | Report as abusive

“This cadet goes to see her dentist. He tells her “You need a root canal”.

“A root canal? I’d rather have a baby!”

“Let me know,” the dentist replies, “I’ll have to adjust the chair”.

Buddy Hackett 1924-2003.

Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

I would love to have been a fly on the wall when Baz was coming up with that headline. I just KNOW that Baz stuck something between his teeth and uttered the phrase so he could spell it how it sounds. Or, he leaned over and bit the edge of his desk.

Am I right Baz?



Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

Thought for the Day: “One can write or speak absolute rubbish, but, if it is the right kind of rubbish, it can bring one an abundance of friends and allies among people who habitually use the same variety of nonsense language. There are no stronger links than those between sufferers from the same illness, even when that illness is madness.” Kenneth Hudson, The Dictionary of Diseased English xxvii (1977).

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I think E is due some choppers, give her a warm welcome back! :)

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I guess offices would just gum up the works for the Colonel.

Posted by MamaC326 | Report as abusive

E, to answer your question, I do the proper amount of research for my blog….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

It’s great to start the morning with a belly laugh–thanks, Guru Bob!

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

These guys all have the same time booked for their regular dental checkup.
What time is that?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Okay, at 12:03 p.m. today we officially hit rock bottom.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Huh! And here was me thinking it was a series of try-outs for the new British reality tv show called Churchill’s Choppers.

Posted by zeitgeist | Report as abusive

Hilarity ensued when our German waiter, Hans, his ears still bleeding from the Rammstein concert the previous evening, completely mis-heard our order for a “Vin de Table aperitif”.

Posted by Uisce | Report as abusive

Well that’ll do… at least its better to bite ’em than to shoot ’em 😉

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Since we hit rock bottom at 12:03 I was gonna ask if we could get the rest of the day off. Guess not.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

A paper cut is like the ninja of injuries. You don’t know you got one until 10 minutes later when it finally starts bleeding then it takes another day for you to feel the pain. Usually in the shower. Cause man, hot water makes a paper cut sting!! Owie!!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I think the desk top is coincidentally at mouth level. The real magic is happening down below.

Posted by drgnbait | Report as abusive

Notice the outstretched arms. Carrying the imaginary chairs for their desks, I presume.

Hi E! Hi ifly! Hi doc! Hi unca! Hi fwd! Hi Nosmo! Hi zeit! Hi Red! Hi Shra! Hi 69! Hi Billl! Hi lceel! Hi Logrus! Hi Mama! Hi Lady! Hi BG!

“He’s no fun, he fell right over.” – Firesign Theatre

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Hey cam!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Cam: “We’re all Bozos on this bus.” Anyone who can quote Firesign Theatre can’t be all bad!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Yes, indeed. Firesign Theatre helped corrupt my youth … but I never inhaled (yeah, right).

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Remember these?

Looseners, the ALL weather breakfast cereal!

Spreeeak Engrish troop!

OK, OK. Flashback’s over.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

That’s not Russian DPM is it? Unca? Do you know of the top of your head? I’ll have to go and look it up.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Table for one, comingg right up! Just hope the food is palatable. Great Friday Funny,BG.
Complete with combat boots for Unca!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Baz, by research you mean ‘if I think this up it’s bound to be true somewhere so I’ll just go ahead and use it’. Right?



Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

Er, right, E. That’s what research is, unless things have changed since my years as an academic.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I’ve never been to Russia, but surely the woodland is a bit more grey than that ?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

@justCAM: Hello :)

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

I know its just me….. but I have no idea what’s going on…
Oh wait, I havent had my cuppa yet or my dose of meds…
no medidonuts today, thenjewberrymooch… my plain old meddies would do just fine…..
Hey Cam!! You still havent delivered on your promise btw!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive