Kids, welcome to Camp Sarcasm!

August 4, 2010

KOREA/

“Timmy, Jennifer, it’s August, and you know what that means!”

“Yay! Summer camp, Daddy, summer camp!”

“Exactly! So this year the choices are, let’s see, cartoon camp, cookie camp, Justin Bieber camp, messy room camp…”

KOREA/“Yes! Yes! Yes! Any of those!

“Oh wait, look at this! Self-Denial Camp! A military camp for civilians! Boy, does this take me back. Why, the log stories I could tell you…”

The above conversation is imaginary, but the facts are real. Welcome to Cheongryong Self-Denial Training Camp, the perfect threat to hold over your kids throughout the school year.

“Uh-oh, kids, finish your scrod, or you know where you’re goin’ to camp THIS summer!”

But here’s what I really love. According to the actual caption below, these students are shouting, “I love mother and father” as they lift the logs.

Oh yeah? Is that right? Have you ever heard of sarcasm?

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Students shout “I love mother and father” in Korean as they lift logs during a two-week summer military camp for civilians at the Cheongryong Self-denial Training Camp in Ansan, southwest of Seoul, August 3, 2010. The camp, ranging from three to fourteen days, is conducted for civilians by retired Korean Marines. REUTERS/Jo Yong-Hak

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What in the heck is “scrod”? I am going to assume it’s not an enjoyable food, unlike Doritos which are delicious! :D

I never got the “We are gonna send you to boot camp if you don’t behave yourself! threat from my parents. My father was a corrections officer so it was more like “You know, I can get you a really nice cell with Peaches.” Peaches was the resident “woman” of the cell block. True story.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

All I have to do is mention that my son could go stay with my Mother on her farm for a couple of weeks. He jumps right up and does his chores. He may whistle the Blues (especially, “Trouble on My Mind”) while he does his chores, but he does them with all possible speed!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Ahh… I see… you say you love your parents when they send you to self-denial camp….
Thats…… weird…..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

It’s not a great fit for Dave, Spin. There’s no mention of goat.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

ROK Marines rock! They are some pretty tough dudes. I’m not sure what exactly they are denying themselves. I’m sure the highlight of the camp is when they learn how to pick up the leftover land mines along the DMZ. Or maybe when they go to the lovely beaches along the east coast and can’t quite get to the water for the barbed wire and beach obstacles.

I love S. Korea though, or I did when I was much younger and hanging out in P’ohang and the ville outside of Osan Airbase. Nothing like a bag of piping hot yaki man-du at 2 am as you stumble back to base after drinking too many sasparillas. Ah, the good old days.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

I know what you mean, Dave. I miss South Korea, too. I was pepper-gassed there many times. It may have something to do with my current, uh, condition.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Scrod is supposed to be young cod or haddock. In actuality, it would be better to call it “mystery fish.”
***

There are lots of jokes about “scrod” being a passive, pluperfect for screw: “Get scrod tonight? Not tonight, I have a haddock.”

Girl says to her friend, “Oh, I’ve got the most wonderful new boyfriend. He takes me up to Boston to get scrod.”Her friend says, “Dearie, you don’t need to go to Boston to get scrod.”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

You all look like happy campers to me. Happy campers you are, happy campers you have been, and, as far as I am concerned, happy campers you will always be.
–Dan Quayle

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

This just reinforces my hubby’s job security. He’s a youth leader @ Children Services. This would NEVER happen in the US because many parents are too lazy to care and just send them to CS.

Posted by MamaC326 | Report as abusive

Wait. CS being Children Services, or Camp Sarcasm?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Camp self-denial. Is that where you pretend that you aren’t really there?

Posted by zeitgeist | Report as abusive

I’m probably going to come across as elitist or anti-proletarian, but I meet many, many low-income parents.

Most of them are single mothers who became a mother as a young teenager. They have no parenting skills. Almost without exception, they don’t have the backbone to become parents, who set limits and rules. In general, their children, especially male children, rule the roost. Usually, these parents are not interested in becoming parents; instead, they want the schools to solve their probelms for them. Their children are “emotionally disturbed” within the meaning of the U.S. Individuals with Disabilities Education Improvement Act (IDEIA)

Often these children are raised by their grandmothers or great grandmothers. One great grandmother said to me: “A child should never have to do anything he doesn’t want to.” She meant it. Obviously, that chapter was not in my Parent’s book on parenting, nor is it in mine.

In this case, he has punched and kicked his great grandmother repeatedly in the presence of school officials. She says that is her fault.

Personally, I think a parenting, self-denial camp is in order for these “parents,” one where they scream “I love my child(ren)” as they lift, carry, and toss the misery logs.

I tell you this, I suppose, so that you can have a glimpse of me as my personal friends and acquaintances see me. My friends have described me as “intense, very intense” and “serious as a heart attack.”

My wife once said to me “I admire your focus and intensity. You say you’re going to do something, and you just do it. Nothing stands in your way. But sometimes, your intensity frightens me.” This from a prosecuting attorney.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

reminded me of my childhood… “I love you mama, stop beating me”

no regrets as she was always right in beating me… :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Thanks, Doc!

Shra, you know that higher setting on the taser, the one I told you never to use because it’s illegal in some states?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

You also huh fwd? I got a whoopin’ when I was a kid anytime I was misbehaving. We have two running jokes in my family regarding my childhood. The first is how my mother actually broke a wooden paddle over my bum when I threw a nasty tantrum. The second is list of all the things I would tell a psychiatrist about how devpraved my childhood was.

Like when I bought my motorcycle I was joking with my father how he would not let me get a dirt bike when I was a kid cause they were dangerous. I said to him it’s another thing I was gonna add to the list of things to tell a psychiatrist.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

What is this thing you mention, Ifly? “Chiodhood”?

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

CS = Children Services cuz U know darn well that they’d never allow Camp Sarcasm in the US!

Posted by MamaC326 | Report as abusive

Geez. people just dont stop….
Mr.Pilot… I can top you up…
My mum actually bent an aluminium ladle on my back… it finally broke….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Jeez! I thought it was bad the other day when everybody wanted to brag about how little they watched TV, but this parental abuse one-upsmanship is too much.

Keep that one-upsmanship theme in mind, you may see it again in this blog very soon….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I watch almost no television because my Dad would tie a rope around my face, throw me in the swamp, and use me for alligator bait when I was a child.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Doc – and people think eugenics are wrong… So very few people should be allowed to breed.

Lucky for me, my parents are amazing. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

That’s good to hear, Crow, but then why don’t they help you get a digital television?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

[...] Kids, welcome to Camp Sarcasm! | Analysis & Opinion | [...]

Because buying the doofer to watch TV again would cost me about #12.99 – I imagine my parents have worked out that the reason I haven’t got round to it is that I don’t care that much and I can’t be bothered to go into town and talk to a person in a relevant shop. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Or, on reflection, they feel that their remit as parents covered raising me to be capable and financially able to make my own decisions, and they couldn’t care less whether I absorb popular culture or not. I dunno. I’ll ask ‘em. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

@CrowGirl… #12.99, that’s pretty funny! :)

@Shra, again as a child I threw a tantrum in the store cause I wanted my parents to buy me a toy. My parents got so fed up with it that my father carried me out of the store by the belt loop on my pants. A woman threatened to call the cops (I am not sure if Child Protection Services were around back then) and my fathers reply to that was… “Where’s a phone, I wil dial the number for you!”

@Doc.. is the fact that you are still around a testament to how well you can tell a story or how badly you serve as alligator bait?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

BG, I thought the OE blog was Camp Sarcasm for Adults. Boy, is my face red.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

I like that, Onedoor. I like it a lot. Maybe we can have campouts over behind the Goofy Face Museum. Wouldn’t that be the MOST fun!

Whoops, there goes the sarcasm again….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I guess Alligators must have their own standards, Mr. Pilot?

Posted by Insane | Report as abusive

Happy Birthday, BG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Our youngest daughter, when she knows she’s in trouble and is being told off, puts on the big sad face, says “I’m sorry” and gives you a big hug, even before you have truly started on the parental ranting.
I can’t help but wonder “Darn it, why didn’t I think of that when I was a kid?”
So, Mr BG when are you getting the doughnuts for us, seeing it’s your birthday and all.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OH BRILLIANT BLOG MASTER!

Now, back to my regularly scheduled brain functions…
…if I can find them.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

@RB: Happy Birthday… you are really the blog master :-)

@Ifly: Nice to hear that jokes, loved the psychiatrist one LOL :)

@Shra: Damn.. you must have been a REALLY naughty girl :D :D

@CrowGirl: Naah.. you missed then.. ;-)

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

I was too tough and gnarley for the alligators.

I didn’t mean to suggest here and in other threads that my parents were bad parents. We kids worked hard. So did Mom and Dad, who both had jobs away from the farms. That was, and still is, the way it was done. Someone had to do the work. That was the way Mom and Dad were raised, and if it was good for them, it was good for us. Today, my Mom — 78 years old — still works on the farm. I recently chewed her out for manually moving 20+ 50 pound bags of fertilizer all by herself. She is an example of those big, strong German women, whose biceps are bigger than mine!

For the record, I love my Mom and Dad, who clearly loved us and raised us the best way they knew how. They set limits for us, they gave us time to play sports and read, they wanted us to have positive values and morals. I am blessed to have had the parenting I had.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Happy Birthday, Bob. If I knew how, I would send you a bottle of 18-year-old single malt.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Spin, Doc was raised in the same general region I was, the American Midwest. Don’t insult the good people of Pakistan by comparing them.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

“Mr. B. it’s yo birfday.

We gonna party cause it’s yo birfday.

Gonna sip Barcardi cause it’s yo birfday.

And you know we don’t give a #@%! cause that’s yo birfday!”

And that’s, my rendition of 50 Cent for ya… Happy Birthday Mr. B.!! :D

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Anything goes with 18-year-old single malt, except soda.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Ohh playing soldiers was always fun. If I didn’t have a toy gun available I used an “L” shaped stick or anything closely resemblying one.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Fwd.. I guess I was.. :D
Unca… I felt for myself too, then… but things have changed for the better, so, I guess she was right in doing what she did… :D

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Oh, do I remember the gas chamber. We went in wearing our gas masks. My DI was inside without a mask — with the gas in the chamber. He seemed fine. Then, we took our masks off and were to say our last name and SSAN. I got out my last name and one digit before my throat closed. I got outside with snot hanging down to my knees. Then, we ran to get the gas out of our clothes. Wheeeee!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I have seen the gas chamber thing on the Military channel. What is it you are supposed to get out of it? Learning how to stay calm under that kind of pressure? Or is it supposed to do a deep cleansing of your sinuses? Maybe both?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I did the gas mask thing in basic training, too, where you go in the room with your mask on, then have to take it off and deal with it. Barfing generally ensues.

But I have to say, pepper gas is much worse. I don’t recommend it for entertainment unless you’ve already tried everything else.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Ifly, I think one purpose is to instill confidence that the gas masks actually work. It also tests whether one has the mask on correctly. Those who didn’t have the mask sealed right found out in a hurry.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Wow… that is… ultimate gross..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive