Hi, we’re the Death Panel! Is now a good time?

August 12, 2010

CHINA/

Blog Guy, you’re the only journalist in the country who is seriously covering those Government Death Panels that Sarah Palin warned us about, which were created under health care reform. These things are evil and brutal, and I hope you get a Pulitzer for your work.

CHINA/Thanks, you’re much too kind. I do consider it a major  story. Did you have a question about the panels?

I sure do. Are they hiring?

Um, I believe so. I just got a glossy recruiting brochure called “Hasta la Vista, Baby,” showing the panels doing their job in innovative ways.

But I have to ask, if you think the  death panels are evil and brutal, why would you want to work for them?

Well, they still seem kinder and more decent than the folks at the Department of Motor Vehicles.  So could you set up a job interview for me? I’m a longtime reader of your blog.

FENCING/Anything for my loyal readers. In fact, I’ve arranged for one of the Death Panels to stop by your house this afternoon, to talk to you about employment opportunities. How’s that?

Nooooooooooooooo!!!!! I live with my mother!

So?

She just got over the flu! She still has a cold sore on her lip! They’ll see her!

Uh-oh, that’s a shame. And Mom would have been very proud to see you in that bright orange Death Panel blazer, huh?

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Top: A doctor ignites dry moxa leaves in a patient’s ear during a traditional Chinese medical treatment for curing brain atrophy, at a hospital in Jinan, Shandong province, August 5, 2010. REUTERS/Stringer

Right: Paramilitary policemen take part in an anti-terrorism training session at a military base in Hefei, Anhui province, China, August 5, 2010. REUTERS/Stringer

Left: Timothy Morehouse of the U.S. (L) competes with Canada’s Vicent Couturier during the men’s fencing team saber finals at the Pan American Fencing Championships in San Jose August 7, 2010. The U.S. team won the gold medal. REUTERS/Kent

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23 comments

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Brain atrophy? I had no idea there was a cure. Lamar! Pack my bags and some donuts, I’m heading to China.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Oh! Oh! I wanna be a doctor in China!

“Here, let me stick this in your ear and light it. That’ll be 500 yuan, please.”

Dave, I’m going with you!

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Anti-terrorism training involves ripping out your opponents bowels. That’s some intense %$#! right there!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Have fun in China! Just remember to wear a raincoat while you watch those firecrackers in the guy’s ears go off. That would definitely wake my brain up. But only until the pieces landed…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Hmm.. interesting post :)

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Now I know how to get rid of those pesky ear hairs.

Posted by T54 | Report as abusive

Unfortunately, I am not very intimidating in person. I do like the idea of a nice orange blazer, though. Are they like those nifty orange jumpsuits the OE bloggers wear when we are, er, elsewhere? Can I get a job calling to schedule their appointments?

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Sure, Onedoor, as long as you don’t know where I live…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

BG, you are the King of the OE Blog! Would defend you from the panel and all unwanted sales/solicitations calls. If anyone asks, you live in a Taurus by a pool, flying in your plane as an OE secret agent. I think I need to reduce my sprinkles intake today.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

That’s very good news, Onedoor. Better not let them see your tattoo – I’m not sure what their policy is on such things.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

There is enough violence in this post to rev me up for the rest of the day!! Murder! YEAH!!!

Posted by sarabelle | Report as abusive

Yikes. Lonnie, please show sarabelle to the private room….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

BG, we all know I’m totally stable. Isn’t reading this blog a clear indicator of solid mental health?

I also want to know what is in the private room? Are there puppies?

Posted by sarabelle | Report as abusive

Sarabelle – Have we met?

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Ha ha Sarabelle…another case in point that sometimes violence IS the answer! :p

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Ifly, whether or not violence is the answer depends entirely on what the question was…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

@Spin..if you found it clever then yes, yes it was! If you didn’t find it clever then…well…actually it’s still yes only I wouldn’t be so cheerful about it.

“She’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers..”
Damn you Taylor Swift, get out of my head!

@CrowGirl…if the question is what would be needed to rev up the rest of the day for Sarabelle then it seems violence would be the appropriate answer! :p

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

In the second pic, is that guy really hurting? If not, he is a darn good actor….
Dave, dont forget to take your goat to China… Or atleast find a goat day-care center before you leave….though I think your goat would be safe with ya…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

BG: The orange blazer would cover it, though it might be considered scary!

Shra: could it be the second pic is one of the new
camo-chiropractic techniques?

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Could be One… I would like to know how the second guy in the second pic felt after the session…..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

In MP school, we learned judo. We practiced on each other — full go. I know the look on that man’s face all too well. If the “dummy” didn’t scream, the instructor thought we weren’t trying hard enough. He once had us walk our “dummies” around the gym floor in a shoulder come-along to get us to not hold back. Fun times!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

LOL!! That is one heck of a name, Unca!! :D

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

LOL! Umm.. dunno Unca… I think you look fine!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive