Ma, Dwayne’s dressin’ like a sissy again!

August 14, 2010

montera combo 490

Blog Guy, you write a lot about bullfighting. What’s the stupidest thing about that so-called tradition?

It’s a close call, but one thing that comes to mind is the montera.

SPAIN/The Mitsubishi? Really? Bullfighters drive mid-size SUVs?

No, that would be a Montero. The montera is the beanbag hat they wear.

The idea is to make the most obnoxious face humanly possible as they adjust the beanbag just before the bullfight. Here, look at these guys above. Who would you root for?

The bull, of course. I see what you mean. So does this give you any ideas?

Indeed it does. Instead of being angered by red capes, I think we need to train a whole new generation of bulls that get annoyed by those goofy hats and pompous faces.

Think about it. Both hands are busy and the matadors are concentrating on their obnoxious looks. It’s the perfect time for a sudden charge.

Good idea, Blog Guy! Then again, I’d still like to see a bullfighter wear one of those hats while driving his Montero through my neighborhood….

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Combo top left: Spanish bullfighter Fernando Cruz adjusts his montera (bullfighter’s hat) before a bullfight at the Maestranza bullring in Seville, March 31, 2008. REUTERS/Javier Barbancho

Combo top right: Spanish bullfighter Daniel Luque adjusts his montera before the start of a bullfight in the Spanish town of Gijon, August 11, 2010. REUTERS/Eloy Alonso

Combo bottom left: Spanish bullfighter Juan Jose Padilla adjusts his montera before the sixth bullfight of the San Fermin festival in Pamplona, July 12, 2009.REUTERS/Susana Vera

Combo bottom right: Spanish bullfighter Salvador Vega Garcia adjusts his montera before the start of a bullfight in the Spanish town of Gijon, August 11, 2007. REUTERS/Eloy Alonso

Lower right: Spanish bullfighter “Rafaelillo” adjusts his montera before performing a pass to a bull at the San Fermin festival in Pamplona, July 12, 2009. REUTERS/Susana Vera

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They should have been Mousketeers: they’d have had comfortable silly hats and learned to play nicely with animals.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

My Dad had a hat something like a montera, only he wore it with its length front to back. We kids called it his “Russian hat,” and we made fun of it — to his face. He only wore it when we made maple syrup, which we made in an outbuilding we called “The Sugar Shack.” He never wore it around the bull. It took me years to realize that he only wore that hat to egg us on.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I was wondering where you were gonna go with the “Mitsubishi” thing. I thought “Mitsubishi sounds nothing like montera, who would confuse that? I could see if you said yamaka and it was mistook for Yamaha but Mitsubishi for montera?”

Then you came through with the Montero line and all was understood. Way to use the entire length of the blog to pull that off! :)

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

[...] Ma, Dwayne's dressin' like a sissy again! | Analysis & Opinion | [...]

Well, if the matador’s name was Mitchi and the bull came out on top, it would be Bitsomitchi left scattered in the ring.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Unca, I became an EMT while still in the military. My unit would take me along to the firing range and all hazardous training (e.g., rappelling) instead of a medic. Not exactly military reg, but I had to go anyway. I also worked on German ambulances, in addition to working with the German Politzei as an MP.

One experience I will never forget. An American soldier called an ambulance because he broke his arm. The German paramedic chewed him out for calling an ambulance for just a broken arm. He told the GI he could have walked to the hospital. Then, we left. No treatment!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Sorry: “Polizei”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I must be the only person not rooting for the bull. That one up there looks particularly tender and delicious – see, they’re even tenderizing his lovely steaks before finishing him off! Such humane treatment of my palate :)

Just to clarify, I’m not rooting for the bullfighter – those guys are super lame – just for the bull to go out in a bright blaze of hickory smoked glory.

Posted by sarabelle | Report as abusive

Senor Juan Jose Padilla es mucho loco!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Sarabelle pass the A-1 please. :)

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

They could be talking fast to cover up for the time they are not talking…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Bull Pucky. That’s what is left of hat guy after a one stuck bull gets done with his sorry A@#$#

Posted by onequartlow | Report as abusive

[...] was lured by a pamphlet called, “The Exciting Life of the Matador,” and once I saw the sissy outfits and stupid hats, I was [...]