The best job title on earth?

August 27, 2010

Boss? How come you’re in the office reading crime reports on such a nice day?

THAILAND-ARMSDEALER/Are you kidding, Lamar? This is what I’ve been waiting for! Look at the photos of this suspected arms dealer, Viktor Bout, also known as the “Merchant of Death.”

So what? I don’t get it, Boss.

I’ve ALWAYS wanted to be known as the “Merchant of Death,” and now the title is open! I’ve just picked up 10,000 new business cards. See, “Merchant of Death,” embossed, right under my name!

Listen, Lamar, now I can get those “Merchant of Death” vanity plates! And I can call a restaurant and say, “This is the Merchant of Death, I’d like a table by the window…”

Er, Boss?

Think about it, Lamar! On Career Day at my kid’s school they’ll say, “Class, we have a very special visitor today, Ethan’s daddy, the ‘Merchant of Death.’”

Boss, I hate to burst your bubble, but this guy in the photos is only a suspect. What if he’s released? He’s gonna wanna be the “Merchant of Death” again.

THAILANDHoly crap, Lamar. You’re right! I didn’t think of that! Quick, grab a Magic Marker and help me change these business cards!

What do you want ‘em to say now, Boss?

Make them say, uh, “Merchant of Venice!”

Gee, it ain’t the same, Boss.

Shut up, Lamar. Write faster!

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Left: Suspected Russian arms dealer Viktor Bout walks to a courtroom in Bangkok August 20, 2010. A Thai appeals court ruled on Friday that Bout be extradited to the United States to face charges of supplying weapons to Colombian rebels. Bout, dubbed the “Merchant of Death”, has been held in a maximum-security prison in Thailand since his arrest in March, 2008. REUTERS/Sukree Sukplang

Right:  Bout kisses his wife after court ruling. REUTERS/Stringer

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32 comments

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Whew! Glad you clarified that, BG. Thought the guy was sucking all the air out of his wife’s head.

Merchant of Mirth, BG. The quality of mirth is not strained…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

I dont wanna shake hands with Mr.Mechant there…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Merchant of Death – isn’t that one of the forgotten early Gilbert and Sullivan light operas?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Yeah, or Merchant-Ivory Productions?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Wow Mr. B., going to both ends of the spectrum aren’t ya? From Miss. Universe looking hot in her swimwear and shaved pits all the way to Mr. Mercant O’Death relieving his jock itch. No one can argue you don’t cover the entire array of news, but not the serious kind.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Thats cheating… that does not follow the pattern, BG!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Merchant of Mercantile?

Posted by DKuntz | Report as abusive

Merchant of the Apocalypse. Get your t-shirts before it’s too late!

Posted by BethyB | Report as abusive

Relieving his jock itch? It looks to me like he’s doing the “Pee Pee Dance.” Those hong nams in Thialand jails have a reputation for being pretty nasty.

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

@Spin…congrats on your promotion to “not a new commenter anymore” status! :)

“Medically proven not to cause rash or irritation. Join the Oddly Enough blog network.”

“Outbreak free for an entire month. Join the Oddly Enough blog network.”

“Wash hands thoroughly after joining the Oddly Enough blog network.”

@BethyB…I want a t-shirt!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Wait, isn’t he on one of those Death panels or committees or something?

I think he’s actually holding the chain around his waist to keep it from banging into his man parts. Owwwee!

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Oh, okay….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Yahiooooo!!!! Well done, Mr.Pilot!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

So if an individual sells weapons he’s the merchant of death BUT when nations export billions worth of death in the form of weaponry they’re just good merchants of “defense” products!!?

Posted by pesheff | Report as abusive

@69/ifly … I’ve washed my hands … they were covered with a sweet, sugary glaze and I didn’t want to get any on my clean, white hat. ;-)

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Looks like Mr ‘Merchant of Death’ needs a good moisturiser – he is obviously getting some chafing.
You know, the funny part is that they don’t use leg irons and chains in that prison, that’s actually standard ‘Merchant of Death’ bling.

Posted by zeitgeist | Report as abusive

Where exactly is the chain going? I see it attached at the ankles, but then it goes up to….his back side?

Posted by MamaC326 | Report as abusive

OK, so I clicked on the link to the ’1/4 of UK lap dancers have a degree’ news entry, and the picture featured on the ‘strange and unusual’ section at the bottom left, of an Indian woman feeding her pet calf, is just plain disturbing.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

[...] this article: The best job title on earth? | Analysis & Opinion | Tags: death, merchant, Vanity Plates, [...]

Thank you Spin, you flatter me. And Mr. B. I am honored! :D

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

How about “Merchant of Indecision”? Or maybe not…

Posted by HaroldW | Report as abusive

@justCAM.. did you know you can also use that sweet sugary glaze as a form of protection against handling any sort of knowledge?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

@ifly … Kewl! A prophylactic glaze.

“The more you know, the harder it is to take decisive action. Once you become informed, you start seeing complexities and shades of gray. You realize nothing is as clear and simple as it first appears. Ultimately, knowledge is paralyzing. Being a man of action, I can’t afford to take that risk.”

- Calvin & Hobbes

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

@justCAM…dude, Calvin & Hobbes, anything anyone ever wants to know about life they can learn from Calvin & Hobbes!

@Spin…see that’s the thing. Because they are forbidden from being anywhere near anything with a sweet sugary glaze they have none of the protection. So their lack of anything knowledgable is by other means. Perhaps ingesting ice cubes has the same effect by freezing the brain thereby prevent knowledge from being absorbed?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

The Merchant of Death sounds like one of the Death Panel on eBay selling hemlock tea.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

I like the Death Panel link, Onedoor. Very nice.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

@Onedoor…you are pretty good at linking the Death Panel to things! It’s like your own verson of 6 degrees. :)

@Unca…no coffee for me after 5 o’clock PM. End up not being able to sleep. Caaaaffffeeeeiiiinnnneeeee……

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I want coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! Nescafe would do just fine, thank you….

One! You have a bone of contention with the Death Panel, dont you?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Spin, not to be confused with he “meow meow meow, cat’s ask for it by name” song?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Ah yes Spin I do recall that tune. I believe it was featured on an episode of Beavis & Butt-head of which the duo proclaimed what they wanted also. And it wasn’t candy. Unless that’s what the kids were calling it back then. I don’t think it was though.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

And that is another thing that makes me un-American!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I am confused Shra, is it the wanting of candy or Beavis & Butt-head that is another thing that makes you un-American?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Mainly Beavis and Butt-head, Mr.Pilot :(
As for candy, I do have a sweet tooth… but very much in moderation… I wouldnt mind trying Pez tho.. or a Twinkie in that case…
And of course, 2 medidonuts laden with Xanax Sprinkles and filled with Prozac filling… yummmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

[...] more popular were my business piece on the world’s best job title and my efforts to rally patriotic women around our U.S. National [...]