Is a plane that different from a forklift?

September 9, 2010

Blog Guy, I’m planning a dream vacation to China, but I’m worried. I read that China has found that nearly 200 pilots have falsified their resumés . Please assure me that’s all been taken care of now.

pilotes rocket 300Of course it has. Some of those pilots lost their licenses.

Some? What about the rest of them?

It turns out they’re back on the job after “remedial action.”

Are you kidding me? They lied about their flight experience and now they’re working again? Why on earth were they hired in the first place?

There was a perfectly good reason. According to China’s official news agency, with the rapid expansion of the aviation sector, “airlines turn a blind eye to fake records since they are happy to see more pilots…”

pilots cereal 180Pilot: We’re in a tough spot, Lamar! You’ll have to take ‘er down.

Copilot: ME? Who do I look like, Sully Sullenberger? You’re the pilot!

Pilot: Oh, about that. I do have a forklift license that expired four years ago. How about you?

Copilot: Uh, remember when Kellogg’s Corn Pops offered a Junior Pilot’s Permit?

Pilot: Holy crap! We’re going down! Navigator, can you take over?

Navigator: Sure! So this is what they call a cockpit, huh?

* * * * * *

Readers, please note this is only an imaginary conversation, at least as far as I know.

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Right: A competitor jumps into the sea in an attempt to fly his homemade craft during the Red Bull Flugtag competition in Kuwait, November 2, 2007. REUTERS/Tariq AlAli

Left: Boxes of Kellogg’s cereal are displayed on a store shelf in Westminster, Colorado April 26, 2009. REUTERS/Rick Wilking

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34 comments

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One day, Shra’s gonna make one of those and RB, you have to ignore her while pasting pictures.

:D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Mr.Pilot has mucho experience… dont you Mr.Pilot?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Blog Guy, will you please tell me what a “flugtag” competition is? Sounds like something to do with belly buttons.

Posted by slick9 | Report as abusive

Indeed. Flugtag is a flying event in various places, sponsored by Red Bull. I believe the word translates to: “Let’s promote some more of this crappy drink.”

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Gonna make what, fwd?
I only see myself making edible stuff and shoes.. :D

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Not enough Shra, not enough. That’s why I am stuck as a bank teller and not the captain of a nice new A380. :( Or well at least the FO of a regional DHC-8. Captains have grey hair for a reason, cause it takes a long time to get there. :p

And for the record all my flight experience is 100% accurate and true! All 210 hours! :)

Also for the record, at the risk of a shot from the taser, pilots are certified, not licensed.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Mr. B. I actually laughed out loud from your comment. :D I think it is a self-defeating promotion though. If Red Bull is supposed to “give you wings” then how is it all those hapless people are crashing into the ocean?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

The flying part is easy, it’s the crashing part that hurts. ;-)

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

“Gives You Wings”, not “Enables You to Fly”. You know, like a penguin. Or an emu.

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

RB – I don’t know that flugtag could really be called a “flying” event.

I think “plummeting slightly less rapid than usual” would be more accurate.

Posted by Logrus | Report as abusive

In all the contests between descending airplanes at great velocity and the Earth at rest, the Earth has yet to lose.

==Bob D.

Posted by REDruin | Report as abusive

Sorry, I thought it was early test photos of the new Basler Aircraft A55-Rocket.
Hint: you may choose swap the two 5s with two Ss.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Jazz, I guess all those people were as confused as I was about the slogan, it is very misleading after all. heh

Nosmo, the Basler Aircraft A55-Rocket is a revolutionary design harnessing the power of five alarm chili!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I think I see the Roadrunner down below!

Posted by MamaC326 | Report as abusive

What about falsifying age? Is that a big no-no? If they turn a blind eye towards that too….I have a 12 year old that would be interested in a job. He has extensive video gaming experience…

Posted by justK | Report as abusive

Wow! For a moment there I thought I could be a pilot as I thought I was certified. Then I remembered the phrase being tossed about used the word certifiable…

…Acme, I can find a position with Acme! I just have to stay away from the anvils and explosives.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Honestly, I agree with Mr.B… Red Bull ist crap! Esp with vodka…
Those guys have to be “drunk” on something to think they “have wings” and are “able to fly”…

I think I need medidonuts…. and tea..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@Shra: A toy plane just like the one shown above, size doesn’t matter…

sorry :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Aww man, I haven’t had Corn Pops in aaaaaages!!

There’s a shop here in Dublin that sells cereal from home. But 12 euros a box is ridiculous so I have to suffer with not being able to satisfy my cravings. Story of my life!

:(

E.

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

That’s kind of ironic, E. My favorite cereal is Irish steel-cut oatmeal.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Oatmeal! I love oatmeal! Cooked some for breakfast yesterday. No forklift or plane needed in the prep, fortunately, as I have a small kitchen. Hmm, I wonder if one of those little Bobcat mini front end loaders would fit. Not that I need one. It just might be fun!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Heck Baz, I’m open to a trade. Send me Corn Pops (or Capn’ Crunch, or Golden Grahams, or Honeycomb!) and I’ll send you some oats.

:D

E.

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

I’ll think about it. I already sent a case of Pez to Shra.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Years ago, I used to work with a young guy who would often stagger into work, order a double espresso in a large cup, pop in a Berocca tablet and top it off with Red Bull.
Unsurprisingly, he was diagnosed as being ‘hypertensive’ and having Type-2 diabetes, at age 22.
I guess a more accurate slogan like ‘Red Bull gives you heart failure and destroys your kidneys’ just isn’t as catchy.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Mr. B… Liar Liar, pants on fire! I didnt get no Pez!!
Umm.. fwd… I think we can leave the plane making thingy to Mr.Pilot… I wouldnt even know where to start… though I travel in them a few times.. I still wouldnt know where to start!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

E, a box of Corn Pops costs 12 euros?? Isn’t that like $100 American, if my conversion rate is correct? For that price you would think those puffed pieces of corn would be puffed nuggets of gold!

Shra, Mr. B. must have sent your box of Pez via the Bermuda triangle. It saves on shipping costs but delivery time can be a bit uncertain.

fwd079, you build it and I will attempt to fly it, deal? :D

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

ifly, it wasn’t actually Corn Pops, it was Lucky Charms. But any cereal from back home is going to fetch a pretty price. You should have seen the price of Eggnog at Christmas.

Man, I’m getting depressed.

:(

E.

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

E, that’s just dreadful. :(

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Oooh the decimal point was supposed to go the other way! Well gee don’t I feel foolish now. :p

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Even Red Bull can’t compete with the first rule of flying – take off optional, landing compulsory.

Ooh, and Shra, you said “I only see myself making edible stuff and shoes.” Well I have a photo for you from a food festival that combines the two – chocolate stilettos! Give me a day to recover and charge my phone and I’ll transfer it to your fb wall…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwieeeeee!!! I want it I want it I WANT IT!!!!
Btw, wat happened to your phone?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Wow, between edible panties and now chocolate stilettos a guy could go into a sugar coma from foreplay alone!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

The answer to that is “just barely,” Spin.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Yeah I went up to the Great Spam Basket Filter and told it there were some shennanigans going on in the Gregg Easterbrook blog. While it was distracted I slipped my comment through.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive