Thou art under arrest, sinner!
Okay staff, we’re brainstorming Lamar’s pitch for a new one-hour weekly drama series.
Lamar, I have to tell you, we just LOVE “Miriam Does Her Chores.”
We think the public will SO fall in love with an Amish woman working on the farm, what with her colorless wardrobe and no makeup and all.
The only thing is, the network executives do have just a few tiny suggestions to maybe make it a little more commercial.
Instead of churning butter and milking cows for the whole hour, maybe Miriam could be an undercover Amish cop. You know, sort of wise-cracking and sassy. But pious and reverent, of course.
They would also like to see some special police weaponry in her buggy. Can the Amish people use tasers? Laser death rays? Oh. Well, it was just a thought.
Now, here’s a network rendition of Miriam in her uniform. We gave her an old-fashioned Keystone Cops hat, so we could maybe throw in a little slapstick humor. Miriam! Watch out for that milk pail!
What, Lamar? Oh right, she’s wearing long black gloves. I almost forgot. The execs thought for sweeps week Miriam could go undercover as a stripper.
That reminds me, Lamar. Honestly, the network guys aren’t so crazy about setting the series in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
Let me ask you this. Are there any Amish folks in Las Vegas?
Right: A model presents a creation at the Argentina Group Show Spring 2011 collection during New York Fashion Week September 16, 2010. REUTERS/Kena Betancur
Left: “The Keystone Cops.”