Thou art under arrest, sinner!

September 22, 2010

Okay staff, we’re brainstorming Lamar’s pitch for a new one-hour weekly drama series.

FASHION-WEEKLamar, I have to tell you, we just LOVE “Miriam Does Her Chores.”

We think the public will SO fall in love with an Amish woman working on the farm, what with her colorless wardrobe and no makeup and all.

The only thing is, the network executives do have just a few tiny suggestions to maybe make it a little more commercial.

Instead of churning butter and milking cows for the whole hour, maybe Miriam could be an undercover Amish cop. You know, sort of wise-cracking and sassy. But pious and reverent, of course.

They would also like to see some special police weaponry in her buggy. Can the Amish people use tasers? Laser death rays? Oh. Well, it was just a thought.

Now, here’s a network rendition of Miriam in her uniform. We gave her an old-fashioned Keystone Cops hat, so we could maybe throw in a little slapstick humor. Miriam! Watch out for that milk pail!

keystone cops 240What, Lamar? Oh right, she’s wearing long black gloves. I almost forgot. The execs thought for sweeps week Miriam could go undercover as a stripper.

That reminds me, Lamar. Honestly, the network guys aren’t so crazy about setting the series in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

Let me ask you this. Are there any Amish folks in Las Vegas?

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Right: A model presents a creation at the Argentina Group Show Spring 2011 collection during New York Fashion Week September 16, 2010. REUTERS/Kena Betancur

Left: “The Keystone Cops.”

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I thought she was a lab assistant for Dr. Frankenstein…. Somebody pass the donuts please? Tim Horton’s ran out, and has only had the donut bites for more than a week.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

I dont know what to say,… yet again, Mr.B rendered me speechless…
Dave, lets go raid Krispy Kremes…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Hmm, Krispy Kreme donuts.
I’m in.
Hey, if it starts raining on the way back, we could get Audrey Hepburn (top photo) to carry the donuts under her ten-gallon hat to keep them dry.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

he didn’t show the shoes. She’s probably wearing thigh-highs under all that, for her stripper gig.


Posted by REDruin | Report as abusive

If the fez…ezs…the previous models were wearing were used to carry a few beers, that hat this model is wearing is used to carry the keg.

Dave there is a D&D right across the street from where I work. D&D is by no means as good as K&K or TH but it’s good in a pinch if ya need!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Tomorrow I’m having my office retirement bash. If any of you good bloggers are within a 5,000 mile radius of Italy, do drop in. Please bring some of your special recipe doughnuts and I can promise plenty of high-octane grappa to go with them.
Come to think of it, a mixture of Italian grappa and Red Bull would fire up Mr. B’s plane a treat. It could take over from NASA’s shuttle which I believe is also being retired shortly.

Posted by ExpatP | Report as abusive

Beautiful, Expat! Very well done. Inviting everybody within 5,000 of some unnamed city in Italy. Yup, you’ll be beating the OE readers off with a stick, won’t you?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Expat, you know.. I can hop over anytime to Italy… you just need to say where you are staying… :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Did someone say thigh highs??

@ExpatP, everyone within a 5000 mile radius huh? Damn, we are gonna need a lot more BT-69s. Hey Mr. B. double the order for paper mache and chewing gum this week, we gots some planes to build!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I’m w/in about 5000 miles from Rome, so I’m in!

Posted by MamaC326 | Report as abusive

I work on a farm with a colourless wardrobe and no make up. I’m wisecracking and possibly sassy, depending on what that means in the US. Pious and reverent could be tricky, but if you can set this in Lancaster, Lancashire I’m practically type cast!

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

That’s just frightening, Crow. Words fail me.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

@ExpatP – am just within the 5,000 mile zone. Do I have to wear a fez?

@Mr. B – I think most of us are fairly used to being beaten with… no wait I must remember Mr. Spam filter.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Yo, ifly, how about swinging by and picking me up for Expat’s party? Don’t worry, the small arms rounds will punch right through the paper mache and not hurt anything.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Expat! Now, where art thou?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Kinky one, RB 😀

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Why, it’s little Thumbellina, all grown up and wearing a thimble for a hat!

@Crowgirl: you’d probably be too real for reality tv. You’d probably have a more interesting show, too! Go for it!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Oh wait, I just re-read Mr Expat’s invite. It says GOOD bloggers.
Well that’s me out then – *mumbles*

And just for the sake of clarification:
– What is being retired, you or the office?
– Who or what exactly is going to be bashed?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

@Dave, sure buddy no problem… since the average service ceiling of the BT-69 is about two feet just step right aboard when I fly by. The hamsters will be pretty tired by then so we won’t be going too fast.

Oh and no worries about the small arms fire. Chewing gum plugs up holes nicely.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Nosmo, that’s code for “sarcastic and witty, medi-donut guzzling” bloggers…
So, we are all good…
Now, if only Expat tells me where he stays, I would find the next (cheapest, ofcourse!) flight and be there.. :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

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