World’s ugliest shoes? Quite a feet!

September 28, 2010

red shoes 490

Lamar, I put you in charge of creating our label’s signature new shoe for spring. Our competition is the Holy Grail of of shoes, the stiletto in the top photo. The stuff dreams are made of. Sleek, sensual, five straps, platform soles, 14-inch heels. Lusty Cherry Red!

Let’s see what you’ve come up with to blow that bad boy out of the water!

red shoes 380Here it is, Boss, on the right. Feast your eyes on the finest persimmon-colored vinyl! Just a  single strap, instead of all those extra ones.

Our heels are only a quarter-inch thick, so a gal can walk further in them and save on bus fare. They’re so versatile they can even be worn with socks. No need to waste money on beach vacations or tanning salons.

And the best part? Because of the low heels, they’re unisex. Men AND women can wear the same shoes! What do you think?

Let me get this straight, Lamar. Your special lady is getting ready for a fairytale night out, and she says, “Honey, please bring me my Persimmon Vinyl Socialist Librarian Shoes, if you’re not wearing them yourself tonight.” Is that it?

Exactly! See, you can use this shoe for ANYTHING!

Can I use it to beat you unconscious, Lamar?

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Top: A model presents a creation as part of the John Richmond Spring/Summer 2011 women’s collection during Milan Fashion Week September 22, 2010. REUTERS/Alessandro Garofalo

Right: A model presents a creation from the Vivienne Westwood 2011 Spring/Summer collection at London Fashion Week September 19, 2010. REUTERS/Suzanne Plunkett

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24 comments

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Oh I love you, Mr.B! :)
Now, can I get a free pair of both of them please? You know, for publicity ofcourse… :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Let me get this straight, Shra. You would wear those flat geeky ones?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

The geeky shoes with black tights and a short red skirt and you could still walk in them!

14″ heels make a step ladder. Or a candidate for knee replacement surgery…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Candidate for knee replacement surgery? Is that what you think, Onedoor? My turn to throw out a great movie line:

“That’s a small price to pay for beauty…”

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

How about worlds ugliest nail polish? And wow how uncomfortable is that where your toes have to be curled underneath you foot like that?

Given how thick Lamars head is Mr. B. if you are actually able to beat him unconscious with that shoe you would not be able to deny the true versatility of it. If anything market it as an anti-mugging device.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

[...] original here:  World's ugliest shoes? Quite a feet! | Analysis & Opinion | By admin | category: Uncategorized | tags: not-wearing, persimmon, persimmon-vinyl, [...]

Yup.. I would wear flats.. infact I wear flats everyday.. I walk a lot, and as One said, I dont want to be a candidate for surgery.. too expensive, cant afford it..
So, yeah, flats do me good…

One, I like that combination… :)
You can dress me anytime! :D

If there is anything not to my taste, it would have to be that nailpolish and those socks…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

The heels in the first pic are for those who passionately desire a bad case of plantar fasciitis and, eventually, plantar fasciosis.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Considering you use the word passion and we’re talking about red stilettos, I’m going to go ahead and presume those things are STDs….. You’re probably right, Doc.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Time to take a stand, stop flip-flopping and put your best foot forward. The sole purpose is to no longer toe the line, but rather to kick up our heels at our arch enemies give them the boot.

Oh wait! Aren’t that second pair the shoes recommended for enjoying a round of Floppy Clown Shoe Minefield Parachuting?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

If you take away the socks, the flats aren’t the ugliest shoes. Have you forgotten there is a shoe brand Ugg? It’s short for Ugly. Also, everyone knows that Crocs are the ugliest shoes in the world. Comfy yes, attractive no. The stilettos are hot, but they should’ve gotten a model w/nicer feet to really show them off. That can’t be good to have your toes squished like that. It’s like foot-binding light.

Posted by MamaC326 | Report as abusive

Damn, Spin! Beaten again at pop culture references. I should stop trying. However, good luck at explaining yours without serious electrical intervention.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

No need to explain, Spin. Those of us who have read Catch-22 understand completely. Those of us who haven’t read it, well, it can’t be explained without a catch.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

True, Doc. I think “Catch 22″ may be the most misused expression in the English language. I love it when TV newscasters just use it to mean a complication….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I first read Catch-22 when I was 18 and in the military. One of my sergeants, Bob G., told me it was must reading and loaned me his copy. He was so enamoured with the novel that he created a fake member of the 141st MP Company named PFC Rodney P. Wintergreen. PFC Wintergreen created fake SOPs, he received mail, etc.

Bob G., if you’re out there, you are so much responsible for me becoming the person I am today. You should be locked up!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Maybe she was going for the patriotic look with the red shoes, white skin, blue polish.

It is possible I may have worn dark blue polish with denim open toed shoes and denim skirt… Possibly.

@Doc: When your sergeant created a fake member of the company, you should have given him your work! Or created a fake sergeant to take orders from!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Spin, lets take thisn offline, shall we?
Mama, spoke like a true OSuer…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I love everything geeky… Geeky girls with geeky shoes are good girls :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Dear Mr Blog Guy. Someone in your office needs a good tasing, as a serios news article has crept it’s way on to your blog.
Dear lord, way are in imminent danger of learning something! Quick break out the emergency mini medi-doughnuts, with extra strong sprinkles.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Welcome back, bro…. You slip in a day early?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Spoken like my Unca!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

It’s the 29th and right on time Unca returns! Welcome back buddy, I trust the zombie hordes you set out to vanquish didn’t give you too much trouble?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I know watcha mean Unca… those are really hideous I tell you…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Spin, I sooooo wanted gladiator sandals… but I controlled that urge and instead settled for Jimmy Choos… still saving!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Spin, nothing the military does is supposed to be ironic, it just turns out that way. As Unca says, the flip flops are for showering naked with a couple dozen other guys, some of whom have never showered before.

The army also took away my good prescription glasses at Basic Training and gave me a new pair that didn’t work at all which is how I shot two drill instructors, but that’s a story for another time….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive