In one ear and out the other?

October 4, 2010


Blog Guy, I have a personal hygiene question. I can’t seem to keep my ears clean enough. I use cotton swabs four times a day, but there’s still a waxy yellow build-up.

Swabs, huh? How far do you stick them in?

INDIAI stop when I hit something solid.

That could be your problem right there. In other countries they have professional ear cleaners on the street, and they do it right.

See these dudes being cleaned by experts? I think this guy on top has the end of that stick somewhere in his occipital lobe about now.

Ouch! They actually jam the cotton in that far?

Cotton? You wish! Professional ear cleaners wouldn’t touch cotton. They use sticks tipped with sandpaper, pipe cleaners, potato peelers…

INDIAThen how do they push that stuff far enough into your ears?

Well, a big mallet helps.

Eww! I don’t think you know anything about this, Blog Guy. This is horrible advice!

Fine, but studies show the number one thing women want in a man is clean ears. That’s why the pro ear cleaners’ slogan is, “No pain, no Jane.”

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Top: A customer reacts as an ear cleaner works on his ear in Mumbai, September 27, 2010. Traditional “ear cleaners” are common in the old quarters of many Indian towns, and roam about the streets in search of customers looking for relief from itches and discomfort. REUTERS/Danish Siddiqui

Left: A man grimaces as he gets his ears cleaned in Mumbai in a 2001 file photo. REUTERS/Savita Kirloska

Right: A man squirms as an ear-cleaner works on his ear in the Indian city of Kolkata in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/Parth Sanyal

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They also have barber shops under old banyan trees… Truth..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Ouch, ouch, OUCH! I saw that first picture and almost left the page. C’mon BG, this is just WRONG. You owe us something seriously juicy after this one.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

You know it’s funny how each of the ‘ear cleaner’ guys has a sideline busines selling furniture polish and scented candles.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

@Nosmo, the first rule of fight club is you don’t talk about fight club! And also where the fat for your soap and wax for your candles come from!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Mr.Pilot, that is the grossest thing I have heard. Today.

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Really? You are having a pretty easy going day then Shra.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Looks like they’re at least getting in as far as the optic nerve, judging by the expressions. Maybe the translation of the aural hygene pamphlet got the words ‘Optic’ and ‘Otic’ mixed up?

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

I do have easy days Mr.Pilot.. I dont hear gross things at all.. I just keep laughing at my manager and her antics.. they arent gross..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

What’s the statitiscal correlation between this profession and perforated eardrums? It’s like the drug commercials on tv..

“Relieve your itching and discomfort! Side effects may include perforated eardrums, bleeding, infection, loss of hearing, slight tickle of the brain, involuntary optic reactions, loss of air pressure….”

But hey, no more itch!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Look, these folks are cleaning their eardrums to the beat of a different drummer…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

So THAT’S what I should have done on the plane home last night when my ears wouldn’t pop! Just to think…all that discomfort could have been avoided with a simple skewer or two…

Posted by justK | Report as abusive

but then, carrying skewers may not be allowed on the plane, right?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I believe justK was going to Texas, Shra, so skewers would be allowed on the plane…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Yeah…the only thing you can’t bring back to Texas is a liberal…

Posted by justK | Report as abusive

You mean a live liberal, right?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I think you’re allowed a head for mounting on the wall…but you know how airlines are about duffle bags full of heads.

By the way, I apologize for not being more witty in person. Alas, I had left my notecards with prepared jokes on the table in my hotel room. Of course, it was also very distracting to carry on a conversation while my daughter cowered in fear, crying.

Posted by justK | Report as abusive

You were charming, and I’m sure the hotel maid enjoyed reading your notecards.

As for sweet Zoe, I suspect it was just a fear of being north of the Mason-Dixon line.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

@Spin, no I have not, it’s a condition of insomnia and too much tv.

With all this talk of skewers and Texas I am kinda in the mood for a beef kabob.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Ummm….. Kebabs!! Soooooon!!!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Eww! Now why would I do that, Spin.. dont worry, I shall have enough tasty kebabs for all of you.. you know.. with spicy mint chutney and chargrilled-onions..
Yumm.. now that is mouth-watering…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Can I sub spicy mint chutney for some A-1?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Sure you can Mr.Pilot.. it may not taste the same though.. mint chutney’s just… yum!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive