Stop staring at my assets!

October 4, 2010


Blog Guy, I’m a young woman with an unusual problem. I’m just too beautiful.

Excuse me? How is that a problem? You can probably make money from that.

FRANCE-FASHION/I grow tired of fending off suitors and discouraging courtship. What can I do to turn guys off?

It sounds like you’re off to a good start, using words like “suitors” and “courtship.”

Thank you, but I was hoping you might suggest designs that would show nothing, rendering me totally resistible.

I get it. No hooters for your suitors, right? Check out this creation shown above. I call it the “Sleeping Beauty,” since the model is hidden by briers and thorns.

Hmmmm. It is nice, but so many swains and wooers these days carry pruning shears with them…

Swains and wooers, huh? So how long have you lived in a Jane Austen novel? Anyway, look at this outfit on the left, from Paris Fashion Week.

Yes! With that, a young maiden can send the perfect message. How long would you say I can guard my virtue in that creation?

Honey, in that outfit you’ve got all the time in the world.

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Top: A model displays a creation by Brazilian designer Walter Rodrigues during the Ixelmoda fashion show in Cartagena September 27, 2010. REUTERS/Jairo Castilla

Left: A model presents a creation by designer Nana Aganovich as part of her Spring/Summer 2011 women’s ready-to-wear fashion collection for fashion house Aganovich during Paris Fashion Week, September 28, 2010. REUTERS/Pascal Rossignol

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What the heck is the second model (mushroom lady) wearing on her head? Looks like someone turned a volleyball inside out and sewed some netting on it.

Ah, BG, the best advice for this young beautiful lass who has come to you for advice is “blueberry”. For a small fee, I will be glad to consult with her and find the perfect burqa.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

That model in the second picture – she’s wearing a White Hat.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Spin!!! You cant do that to your friends!
Well, if you do, make sure they have exquisite shoes.. πŸ˜€

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

“It is nice, but so many swains and wooers these days carry pruning shears with them…”

Holy crap what neighborhood is the woman walking around in???

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

That 2nd pic, is that really a frock or just another art project by Christo?

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

That’s my sister! Oh yeah, that reminds me. I have to untangle my Christmas lights.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

The head piece in the first picture will be perfect if I ever turn into a zombie and survive a shipwreck in the sargasso sea during the same week.

Posted by I_dont_know_1 | Report as abusive

It’s the Bride of Cousin It!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

And here I was wondering how to decorate for Halloween this year. Thanks, BG!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

You have to be careful if you wear that first headpiece out to the park. Once the pigeons land, the briars will be the least of your worries.

The second shot is a giant nylon scrubby! Squirt some soap on her and let her clean the shower.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Umm.. Jazz… you really dont want to wear that headgear for Halloween…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I’m glad I know nothing about fashion, ’cause it that second piece looks to me like a peach-colored jellyfish is having ‘relations’ with another peach-colored jellyfish.
The headgear on the first piece is fully explainable as a way to hide the fact that the model has really creepy eyes.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

@Onedoor, yeah she is like a giant shower poofy! πŸ˜€

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

@Onedoor … LOL! :-)

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

One, make sure they pay you for your advice!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

One, you could also put on some music and have her do “the Twist” in the shower.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

We’ll call the first piece “The Bad Perm” or “When Seaweed Attacks”.

The second is no doubt what the Arch Nemesis (dun dun DUUUUUUUUUUUN) of a ballerina would look like…

Posted by justK | Report as abusive

If the first photo is the bad perm, isn’t the seccond the bad sperm?

Posted by vudublu | Report as abusive

I could go with the charred wood nymph look.
Peach tulle isn’t a good look on anyone though.

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

vudublu, I like that!!! Teeheehee… bad sperm, they say! πŸ˜€

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Now that you mention it Unca what would Medusa do if the snakes on her head died? Would they have to remain there as rotting corpses or would a quick use of Head and Shoulders resolve the issue?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Unca, oh well you have been using the Head and Shoulder Heavy Metal formula which is just as effective. It might leave your scalp a touch irritated though is all.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive