Congratulations, you may now wake the bride

October 12, 2010

KOREA/

Help me, Blog Guy, I think my marriage may be in trouble.

I’m not sure my wife still loves me. She doesn’t pay attention, she tunes me out, she frequently falls asleep when I’m talking….

bride crop 240Now, now, young man, there are adjustments to be made in every relationship. How long have you two been married?

Twenty minutes.

Oh. Well, a wedding day is stressful, especially for the bride. It’s quite common for a woman to be exhausted after the ceremony, and maybe catch a quick nap.

She fell asleep in the middle of the vows, Blog Guy.

DURING the ceremony? What did you do?

I tried whispering in her ear to wake her up, but she didn’t hear me over the loud music in her earphones.

Uh-oh. She listened to music while you were supposed to be getting married? Perhaps you could have reached down and lovingly squeezed her hand, then.

Sure, but I was afraid she’d lose her place in the magazine she was reading.

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A bride takes a nap as newlyweds attend a mass wedding ceremony of the Unification Church at Sun Moon University in Asan, south of Seoul, October 10, 2010. REUTERS/Lee Jae-Won

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46 comments

We welcome comments that advance the story through relevant opinion, anecdotes, links and data. If you see a comment that you believe is irrelevant or inappropriate, you can flag it to our editors by using the report abuse links. Views expressed in the comments do not represent those of Reuters. For more information on our comment policy, see http://blogs.reuters.com/fulldisclosure/2010/09/27/toward-a-more-thoughtful-conversation-on-stories/

Right after our wedding ceremony, during the reception, I slipped my wife some monohydrogen dioxide!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Err doc, wouldn’t that be dihydrogen monoxide?
HO2 is some kind of freaky radical.
Or maybe that’s what you meant.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Oh, Nosmo, you’re right. But, Shra, nobody heard that from me!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I think someone has been using my best chat up line.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Which one is that, CrowGirl?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

The couple behind her is sharing their iPod. The rocking tunes of ABBA are keeping them awake!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Musta been one heckuva Bachelorette Party!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Why, thank you for asking Mr B, it’s

“Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?”

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

That’s brilliant, Crow! Do you, uh, own that line, or is it in the public domain?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Have at it, with my blessing. I take no responsibility for any ensuing court cases.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Well Crow, I tried your line but I screwed it up, so I guess it’s not for me:

“This rag smells like something, but I can’t remember what. Let me try it again to jog my memory.”

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Kim had learned to live with the ups and downs of narcolepsy over the past 22 years of her life…however, her friends had recently begun to make a joke of her condition. Perhaps their annoyance with her falling asleep in mid-conversation made them a bit insensitive. She never knew where she would wake up, or what she would be in the middle of….

Posted by justK | Report as abusive

Come on CrowGirl, tell the truth. The whole thing goes:
1. Lure victim to the trunk of the car, asking them to help you ‘try-out’ the duct tape, by letting you bind their hands and feet with it, to test it’s strength.
2. Then hit them with the ‘do you think this rag smells of cholorform?’ line.
3. Drive. Drive like the wind.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

I thought weddings and wakes were two different things. Though some weddings should have wakes along with them. And I will now sit on the bench, thank you very much.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Awee that’s actually cute !! :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Thats the beauty of getting married. It feels like a dream but you soon wake up to the reality that you are in the trunk of a car, which is driven by Crow Girl, with your hands and feet duct taped.

Someone got a Scissor…

Posted by Insane | Report as abusive

Thanks for the interesting comment, Insane. I’m going to have to start serving stronger doughnuts here.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

If I should ever have such an encounter, I just hope that my abductor is refined enough to know the difference between real duct tape (fabric-reinforced aluminum) and the pseudo junk most Americans call “duct tape.” If she doesn’t, the deal’s off!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

From Tim Carter (“askthebuilder”):

“The seam between metal pipe and fittings should be taped with the foil faced duct tape. This is REAL duct tape, not the imitation stuff you think is duct tape!

You buy foil faced duct tape at HVAC wholesale distributors or places where metal ductwork is sold. It really sticks to metal pipe and the tape is often reinforced. It is the most wonderful tape I have ever used for securing metal pipe. It makes off-the-shelf imitation duct tape look sick.”

Yes, I’ll probably get tased, but educating the public about real duct tape is worth it. THIS IS IMPORTANT STUFF!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I guess it is important, Doc, although I grew up in Indiana thinking it was DUCK tape until just a couple of years ago.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Well, that explains why all the ducks are migrating to Ohio from Indiana.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Nosmo, I’m outraged. It’s actually cable ties.

Insane, hey, I know people with worse marriages. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

I think the quote is usually “all of life’s problems can be solved by one of two things….” I respectfully disagree with that quote. What about beer (for some people) and peanut butter (for others)?

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Yes Doc, and that mint-flavored apple jelly…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

@CrowGirl – Oooooooo! Cable ties – the mark of the true professional.

@Mr B + Doc – Ok, so now (makes list) all I need is:
Cholorfom
Cable ties
WD-40
Duck Tape (cause Unca says it’s a brand)
Beer
Peanut Butter
Mint-flavored apple jelly

… and probably a REALLY good lawyer

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side and binds everything together.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

All this talk is making me hungry for Chinese carry-out. I’m getting some Peking Duct. Who’s in?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

At a local store hereabouts, I could go in and buy:

duct tape
a machette
ammunition
a pry bar
a flashlight
rope
black clothes
electrical cable ties
a glass cutting tool
gloves
electrical bypass wires with alligator clips
bug spray (with chloroform)
hostess twinkies

I wonder what would happen if someone went in and bought this stuff?

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Okay, does anybody remember what duct tape has to do with this sleeping bride posting? Sometimes my boss wants to know stuff like that, and I wouldn’t be able to tell him without going back and reading the comments.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

It may or may not have to do with duct taping her lids open during the ceremony. If your boss does ask just tell him that it does.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I’m worried now Doc. I don’t own any hostess twinkies. Should I get some for my kit? What are they?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

http://www.hostesscakes.com/twinkies.asp

Crowy, whether you’re an abductor or an exorcist, these need to be in your kit!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

No! Don’t you see, Spin? This allows me to say to him, “Well sir, that’s a long story. It involves somebody in Wales and somebody in Newfoundland, and it all started when….

He’ll be long gone by then.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Doc, they look horrible! I’ll try and hunt some down in the vaguely local American sweet shop, but if they’re for threatening purposes I prefer a knobkerry, and if they’re for sugar ingestion I’ve got Kendal Mint Cake.

I sparked Nosmo’s imagination?! Um…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

@CrowGirl, you are also going to need Twinkies when the zombie apocolypse happens.

Mr. B. with that kind of in depth knowledge of the managerial mindset how are you yourself not the boss?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

@Spin – I take exception to that remark! That is not how I pick up women, it’s how we pick up suspects for questioning. I used lame, tired pick-up lines at a bar in the early hours of the morning to try and get women, the same as everyone else.

@CrowGirl – I may regret this, but what’s a knobkerry?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Anybody here ever play matchmaker besides me? My friend Pretorius and I did once. Nevermore.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

@Doc, nah usually I play matchstriker followed by firestarter.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Why do we need hostess twinkies for the zombie apocalypse? Won’t Edinburgh rock do? Mr Pilot.
There is a brand of cloth backed tape here that is sold under the brand name of duck tape, maybe that’s what you were thinking of Mr B, or you misheard, who knows?
I’m thinking that a convertible SUV isn’t the best vehicle for kidnapping/body dumping, CG.

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

@knit_nurse, because in Zombieland there might be a shortage so you have to stock up beforehand!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

KN, look at the shelf life of Twinkies. Just pop ‘em into your zombie ‘pocolypse bag along with your knobkerry and forget ‘em until the zombies come drooling at your door. You’re good to go! Just toss a Twinkie at the zombies and run.

“Everyone loves a Twinkie!”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Nosmo – it’s a beating stick that your friendly neighbourhood barman keeps to hand under the bar for when your chat up lines reach the pesty side of lame (not that I’m implying they do). They crop up in film noir stuff sometimes. Can’t remember the etymology, I’ll have to check and get back to you.

Doc – not since a girl I thought would be great for my friend ripped his heart out with both hands…

Knitty – you say that, but how am I going to get to those mine shafts without 4WD? When was it we were going for a picnic to the Bridge of Death?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

What a coincidence, CG. Dr. Pretorius and I put a heart into our Bride! ;)

(Sorry to hear about your friend.)

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Mr Pilot/Doc, I’ve survived the first 30 years of my life without them so I think I can survive the apocalypse without twinkies.

CG, I just don’t think soft tops are trappy enough for kidnapping.
I’ve been warned against going anywhere called the Bridge of Death with you, as well you know.

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

Babe, it’s not like they’re going to be CONSCIOUS!

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lon don-11610999

It seems the real professionals have gaffer tape AND cable ties…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive