Come home and meet the family, Arnold!

October 13, 2010

SCHWARZENEGGER-RUSSIA/

Okay, screenwriters, this movie footage is solid gold! Imagine, Arnold Schwarzenegger in a car with actual Russian President Dmitry Medvedev. It’s priceless!

Your job is to spin this little video clip into our next summer blockbuster sequel, “T5: The Terminator Kicks Russian Butt!”

Remember, Schwarzenegger didn’t know we were shooting, so our sound editors have kept Medvedev’s lines but then dubbed in Arnold’s replies from earlier film roles, to pump up the action.

SCHWARZENEGGER-RUSSIA/Medvedev: I want you to have a great time while you’re here, Arnold. What would we like to do?

Schwarzenegger: To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.

Medvedev: Ah. Okay, we’ll try to plan some of that for you. Meanwhile, I want to take you by the house and show you our brand-new baby…

Schwarzenegger: Hasta la vista, baby!

Medvedev: Oh. Well, um, she may be napping now. But I’ll show you our Golden Retriever puppy…

red heat arnold 240Schwarzenegger: If it bleeds, we can kill it!

Medvedev: So that’s a “no” on the puppy? Is there anything you need, Arnie?

Schwarzenegger: I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle…

Medvedev: Jeez, Arnie, that’s kind of….

Schwarzenegger: Your clothes… give them to me…

Medvedev: Hey Arnie, I know, let’s pretend to be great composers! I’ll be Mozart!

Schwarzenegger: I’ll be Bach!

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Russia’s President Dmitry Medvedev gives California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger a ride in a vintage Soviet-era Chaika automobile at the presidential residence Gorki outside Moscow, October 11, 2010. REUTERS/Ria Novosti/Kremlin/Mikhail Klimentyev

Bottom right: Publicity photo from “Red Dawn”

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9 comments

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Almost as cool as Kadafi and Hugo Chavez.

Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

Isn’t the driver in the picture the actor who plays Pee Wee Herman?

Posted by drmudd | Report as abusive

Always nice to read a Conan line.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Love it, BG! Nice time machine they are riding in.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Arnold : “If I am not me, who da hell am I?”

I always knew Arnold forgets his lines and then goes on asking about who he really is.

Hey, Get that screenwriter help recall Arnold’s lines.

Posted by Insane | Report as abusive

What would you say about a country where actors become political figures?

I am talking about UK :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Medvedev: “Ok here we are at the house and there is my family! I would like you to meet my children…”

Arnie: “I am going to ask you some questions, I want them answered immediately! Who’s your daddy and what does he do?”

Medvedev: “Umm..yeeaahh, I am their daddy and I am President of Russia. Thought we went over that back in the limo but whatever. Oh and here comes my lovely wife! Honey this is Governer Schwarzenegger, Governer Schwarzenegger my wife.”

Arnie: “You are one ugly m##@er f***er!”

Since I can’t provide links to reference the movies the quotes came from I will mention the first quote was from Kindergarten Cop and the second was from Predator.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Red Dawn? I think you meant “Red Heat”

Posted by Vastator | Report as abusive

Time machine? OneDoor, that is the latest Russian model!

Posted by vwgal | Report as abusive