Modern Bride? Not really…

October 18, 2010

Welcome back to a regular feature we like to call “What Year is this Again?,”  in which we offer up news items which make us seriously question which century we’re living in.

bridenapping 280Today, we learn about a longstanding tradition in Chechnya called “bride kidnapping,” which is just now coming to an end.

Here in the United States, if a guy asks a woman to marry him and she says no, he customarily starts dating her best friend, instead.

But over there in Chechnya, he gets his buddies together and kidnaps the very person who has just made it clear she doesn’t want to marry him.

Then, a local leader brokers a deal between the two families. Unfortunately, I am not making this up.

I’m guessing most guys tend to propose marriage over there during non rush-hour times, in a place with easy highway access, right near the so-called “Ramp of Romance.”

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At least they’re not bopping the women over the head with a club anymore. That’s some progress!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

In Chechnya, instead of “Do you take this woman…”, it goes “Did you take this woman?”

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

“In Soviet Union, marriage watches *YOU*!”

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

How lightweight is the girlie that he can just pick her up like that?!

But really, we’ve all bundled a startled acquaintance into a waiting car at SOME point in our lives…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Hold on, are we back to the chloroform and duct tape again?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

@Nosmo, I worry about you….

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

I hope not, Nosmo. I didn’t like it being duct taped with Crow Girl driving. At least, the girl gets to sit in the passenger seat, in this case.

Posted by Insane | Report as abusive

Really a sorry tradition, I heard about it a year ago, although not a woman and don’t have any sisters. I STILL feel for such acts. :-(

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Dave, we all worry about Nosmo. Did I mention he has a very high-pressure job and is responsible in many ways for our daily security?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Thanks, Mr. B.
You won’t have to worry about me for the next threee days as I am off to ‘New Finland’ as it is now called in our office, to do my conference presentation gig.

I’ve packed my snow boots, shovel and emergency locator beacon, in addition to the anti-diahorrea and anti-nausea pills. I think I’m about all set.

Have a great week all.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Nosmo, emergency locator bacon? Sounds good.
Spin, this is your best haiku yet.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Is Nosmo single? Is it wrong to ask?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

I’m afraid a catch like him doesn’t stay single long in this market.

Funny, according to Google search, he’s been married 64 times.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

How about if all us ladies go ahead and do the same thing to the next guy who turns us down? In consideration of our smaller size, I absolutely advocate the use of a club or other blunt object to stun and disorient our catch till we get him into our cars. We should also not limit ourselves to just the guys who don’t want to marry us…I’m pretty sure that cutie at the coffee shop today told me with his eyes that he didn’t want to buy me my latte…there’s rejection right there – where’s my club?

Posted by sarabelle | Report as abusive

Ah, I’m thinking of our wedding vows….

Rev. Sam: Doc, do you take [Mrs. Doc] to be your wife, to love and to cherish, for better or worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, cleaving only to her, forsaking all others, till death do you part?

Doc.: I do.

Rev. Sam: [Mrs. Doc], are you sh*t out of your mind?

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Spin, I think I’m saying I was, and am, the lucky one.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive


I guess it’s time to tell the whole story. I stole my wife away from her previous fiance, and Mrs. Doc stole me away from her roommate.

When I first met her in college, she was the only one I was interested in. She was so smart, sensitive, and pretty that I was tongue tied around her. I asked her out; she said no. Her roommate asked me out. I said yes.

The next semester she was no longer engaged.

Then, after a football game, Mrs. Doc and her roommate held me hostage in their dorm room. They insisted that I stay. They were very persuasive. Their excuse was that I was pretty banged up, and someone had to keep an eye on me. (I had plugs up my nose.) So, they kept me hostage, and then they threw a party that night.

They must have slipped something to me, because after that I had no will power to stay away from Mrs. Doc. She asked me out, and I said yes.

Two years later, we got married. (Mrs. Doc’s former roomy gave us a meatcleaver for a wedding present.) That was 26 years ago, and I have still not regained my independent will power.

We still have the meatcleaver.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Dammit Spin, if you encourage Doc to write a sequel to this novel, I shall have to revoke your haiku privileges….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Fair catching a punt
All over but the crying
No music, but stars.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

No sequel from Doc
But Haiku blossoms and falls
Cherry blossoms Spin.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

If that’s what happens when the woman says no to marriage I dread to know what happens when she says no to consumating it. Yikes!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Sarabelle… I agree with you… know what, just for good measure, I’ll keep the guy tied up until he falls in love with me…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Nosmo…. I dont worry about you one bit… I worry about the people around you… they dont know what they have in their midst… I mean, who…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

[…] some point in the planning process a modern bride is going to run smack into a roadblock known as family tradition. They may have every detail […]

Posted by Family Traditions and Weddings | The Travel Trip | Report as abusive