News, but not the serious kind
Six-letter word, means to pester or nag
Faithful readers will recall that I have mentioned the University of Wisconsin Alumni Association here several times, and never in a good way. The UWAA is annoying, like a spongy growth on your chin that won’t go away.
You probably have me pegged as an ungrateful alum. Oh sure, now that I have my own third-rate blog, I’m turning my back on the institution that made me what I am, right? What a heartless ass I must be!
But what you should know is, I didn’t go to that university. Not for one minute.
There is more. Nobody I know went to that school, or ever set foot in Wisconsin, or even eats cheese from there.
Let me be clear: of all the thousands of colleges and universities that never taught me anything, the University of Wisconsin is at the very top of the list.
Yet, these Badger weasels keep sending me letters, like the one you see above, accusing me by name of being a “devoted Badger.” And like the pamphlet on the right, imploring me to “Stay connected to your BADGER roots.”
Listen. I have no Badger roots. In the immortal line from “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre,” “I don’t have to show you any stinking Badgers.”
The UWAA tries to make Badgerhood sound like a special bond. But what’s special about asking total strangers, and poorly-educated ones at that, to be your friend? That’s what Facebook is for.
I suspect the brain trust behind all this harassment attended the famous University of Wisconsin School of Junk Mail, Telemarketing and Spamming, graduating with all those Nigerians who ask me to help move large sums of money.
Readers, if the Badgers can do this to me, they can do it to you and to your loved ones. If we don’t stop them now, one day soon you’ll see this furry creep in the striped shirt looking through your bedroom window. Is that what you want?
Top and right: Actual recent mail from the University of Wisconsin Alumni Association.
Lower left: University of Wisconsin running back James White scores a touchdown on a 12-yard run against Ohio State in the second half in their NCAA football game, as Wisconsin upset Ohio State 31-18 at Camp Randall Stadium in Madison, Wisconsin, October 16, 2010. REUTERS/Allen Fredrickson