Six-letter word, means to pester or nag

October 18, 2010

badgers letter crop 490

Faithful readers will recall that I have mentioned the University of Wisconsin Alumni Association here several times, and never in a good way. The UWAA is annoying, like a spongy growth on your chin that won’t go away.

badger vertical 220You probably have me pegged as an ungrateful alum. Oh sure, now that I have my own third-rate blog, I’m turning my back on the institution that made me what I am, right? What a heartless ass I must be!

But what you should know is, I didn’t go to that university. Not for one minute.

There is more. Nobody I know went to that school, or ever set foot in Wisconsin, or even eats cheese from there.

Let me be clear: of all the thousands of colleges and universities that never taught me anything, the University of Wisconsin is at the very top of the list.

Yet, these Badger weasels keep sending me letters, like the one you see above, accusing me by name of being a “devoted Badger.” And like the pamphlet on the right, imploring me to “Stay connected to your BADGER roots.”

Listen. I have no Badger roots. In the immortal line from “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre,” “I don’t have to show you any stinking Badgers.”

NCAA/The UWAA tries to make Badgerhood sound like a special bond. But what’s special about asking total strangers, and poorly-educated ones at that, to be your friend? That’s what Facebook is for.

I suspect the brain trust behind all this harassment attended the famous University of Wisconsin School of Junk Mail, Telemarketing and Spamming, graduating with all those Nigerians who ask me to help move large sums of money.

Readers, if the Badgers can do this to me, they can do it to you and to your loved ones. If we don’t stop them now, one day soon you’ll see this furry creep in the striped shirt looking through your bedroom window. Is that what you want?

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Top and right: Actual recent mail from the University of Wisconsin Alumni Association.

Lower left: University of Wisconsin running back James White scores a touchdown on a 12-yard run against Ohio State in the second half in their NCAA football game, as Wisconsin upset Ohio State 31-18 at Camp Randall Stadium in Madison, Wisconsin, October 16, 2010. REUTERS/Allen Fredrickson

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13 comments

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Speaking of friends on Facebook….

Naw Spin, I think badgers are cute, furry little critters who only get mean when you steal their medi-donuts.

By the way, Tim Horton’s finally got their supply line back open so we haz donuts. Yep.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

As a proud Iowa Hawkeye fan, I thank you. Badgers suck!!

Posted by T54 | Report as abusive

Hmm – Basler, Badger.
Same number of letters, only difference are the two consonants in the middle.
Are you certain you don’t have some stripey shirts lurking in your closet, and a fondness for cheese?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

You could always reply with a saying I once saw on a proud Badger that said, “F*** #em Bucky!”

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

Everybody knows, badgers love mashed potato.

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

Okay, Nurse, now you’ve totally lost me…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

It’s from a 80′s BBC childrens programme, Mr B.

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

I’d just like to state for the record:

a) badgers are evil tuberculosis ridden vermin
b) I have no idea what tv Knit_Nurse was watching in the 80′s, but it may well be a hallucination
c) that Treasure of the Sierra Madre line is pure poetry, thanks Blog Guy.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

c) That’s very nice, Crow… thanks….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

69spin.. Your boyfriend is lying if he says he has graduated from a university & they never ask him for donations. Are you sure he’s not a high school dropout?

Posted by Bart2006 | Report as abusive

Thank you for trying to save my reputation Spin, but I fear you may be too late, much too late.

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

badgers, bodgers, alumni and mashed potatoes….

Spin, make a haiku with these 4 words!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

[...] At the controls is Benedict, the Pilot Pope, but they’re about to crash-land on the Island of Stupid-Looking Bullfighters, who have gone into hiding from those vile Wisconsin Badgers. [...]