Is he really worth whacking, Boss?

October 26, 2010

quaid face 490

Okay, fellow Star Whackers, the reason for this emergency secret meeting is, we have a problem. A big one. Some guy seems to have found out about us, and he’s making statements to the media. Lamar, have you dug up anything on him?

quaid combo 320Yeah Boss, he’s an actor named Randy Quaid. He and his wife have requested asylum in Canada to protect themselves from us. They say other stars have been murdered, and now we’re after them.

They even issued a statement: “We are requesting asylum from Hollywood ‘Star Whackers.’”

And this guy is Randy WHO?

Randy Quaid.

Oh, right. Good-looking guy, used to be married to Meg Ryan?

No Boss, That’s Dennis Quaid. This is his goofy-looking brother. Should I just go ahead and whack him, Boss?

PEOPLE-QUAID/Lamar, that’s JUST what he wants. These Hollywood has-beens would KILL to be killed by us!

So what do we do, Boss? We can’t just let him shoot off his mouth forever.

We won’t, Lamar. Let’s send the clean-up team in, to make sure every picture people see of this guy, he looks really stupid. It’ll be the final blow to  his career.

Oh my God, Boss! No! You mean just what we did to Floyd P. Sturgeon?

Exactly. And who even remembers Floyd P. Sturgeon? You know, Lamar, I tried Googling him the other day and couldn’t even find a reference anymore. Heh heh heh….

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Top: Randy Quaid, who portrays Mr. Briggs, “The Unemployed Father” in the motion picture comedy “Not Another Teen Movie,” poses at the premiere of the film in 2001, in Los Angeles. REUTERS/Jim Ruymen

Combo left: Quaid arrives for the major motion picture premiere of “Monster-in-Law” in Los Angeles in 2005. REUTERS/Mike Blake

Combo right: Quaid, wearing a faux fur coat, arrives as a guest for a premiere at the 2008 Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah, in 2008. REUTERS/Fred Prouser

Lower left: Brian Tsuji, lawyer for actor Randy Quaid and his wife Evi, holds up a note the couple wrote and read to media outside a Canadian Immigration and Refugee Board hearing in Vancouver, British Columbia October 22, 2010. REUTERS/Andy Clark

More stuff from Oddly Enough

25 comments

We welcome comments that advance the story through relevant opinion, anecdotes, links and data. If you see a comment that you believe is irrelevant or inappropriate, you can flag it to our editors by using the report abuse links. Views expressed in the comments do not represent those of Reuters. For more information on our comment policy, see http://blogs.reuters.com/fulldisclosure/2010/09/27/toward-a-more-thoughtful-conversation-on-stories/

Hey, it’s Cousin Eddie!!! :-)

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

No clue about anything in this blog :-|

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Oddly Enough and Weird News, eBusiness BPO Inc.. eBusiness BPO Inc. said: Is he really worth whacking, Boss? http://bit.ly/9uBMLg [...]

He looks like a Byzantine Emperor in that faux fur coat…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Listen up, kids! This is what prolonged use of meth will do to you. (Talkin’ about the Quaids, not BG)

Posted by T54 | Report as abusive

The world is full of incompetent lunatics. The third picture is Exhibit A. And I received this brochure (Exhibit B) in the mail today. We’re finished as a society. You know that, don’t you?

http://www.careertrack.com/mkt_info/semi nars/desc/GG.asp

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

These lazy B-grade movie folk, always trying to short-cut an established process.
If they want to get into Canada, why don’t they go to Sri Lanka and get on board an illegal ‘refugee’ boat, like eveyone else?
Actually, looking at his moo-moo and over-large fur coat, he could pass for an illegal ‘refugee’ boat.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Are you sure he’s not running for Congress? He’d fit right in with all the other nut jobs seeking office …

Posted by slick9 | Report as abusive

That’s not fair to him, Slick. At least he never dabbled in witchcraft.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I bet he thinks he really flew and F/A-18 and saved the world from space aliens.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Seriously, you people aren’t giving Mr. Quaid enough credit. Anyone who utters such famous lines as, “I haven’t seen a beatin’ like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose,” deserves every bit of Canadian asylum they can get. Independence Day was just icing on the cake as he should have won an Oscar for his portrayal of Cousin Eddie in the National Lampoons Vacation series! ;-)

Posted by Jibberish | Report as abusive

I see that Mrs. Quaids parents are described as being from Russia and Sparta.
Sparta?
Really?
Didn’t that cease to exist a couple thousand years ago?

Maybe she’s one of only 300 left from there.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Mr. Basler, for that witchcraft comment, you are now my most revered idol. I shall be crafting a brazen statue of you to worship within the fortnight. I’m going to assume, since your profile picture does nothing to suggest otherwise, that Kate Beckinsale’s body would be a good fit for the statue. It will be glorious.

Posted by shawngrggs | Report as abusive

I liked the alternative ending to Independence Day better. If you’re going to come up with something as silly as flying an F/A-18 into a superweapon, why not do the same thing with a crop duster?

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Thanks, Shawn, but she may not be finished with it.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Hmmm, good point. I guess I’ll post-pone the whole “brazen statue sacrilege” thing, for now.

Posted by shawngrggs | Report as abusive

@Shawn – I can’t believe you would even put Kate and BG in the same sentence, let alone contemplate his head on her body. I assume that’s the “sacrilege” you mention?

@ifly – you mean you don’t long to use the famous “I’m a pilot, I can fly” line in some semi-real situation that requires piloting the Basler BT-69 to save the world?

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Dave, not a big fan of KB.. but then again, dont think BG’s head is worth her… ;)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Some folks seek asylum, some belong in one… Ooops, I must go before they realize I slipped out of the spiffy white jacket they had me in!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Come on One! Run as fast as you can, over the border to Canada!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@Dave, hmmmm you make a good point. When is the appocalypse scheduled for again?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I am wounded, you hear, wounded. None of you seem to remember Quaid’s performance as “Lennie” in Steinbeck’s “Of Mice and Men”. Wounded, because it reminds me I am 4 decades older than all of you cocky whippersnappers and you ain’t showin’ no respect.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Of Mice and Men? I must have seen it – I’ve seen all the Disney stuff…..

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

@ladylala, sorry I will get off your lawn, turn down the loud music, and stop making a ruckus.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

@DoctorDoll: Again with the “I do remember”, “once”, and “back when”. Have you no compassion? Do you know what they do to the aged here in Canada? Set us on ice-floes and send us out to sea. None of your cushy fancy-shmancy Death Panels up here, boy.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Lady, way back when I showed it to the freshmen, I think it was on Beta….

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive