Weekend at Bernie’s?

November 14, 2010

Two days ago I wrote about an auction where the government was going to sell a bunch of stuff belonging to big-time swindler Bernie Madoff, including some of his underwear and a pair of monogrammed slippers…

MADOFF/So just to update you, the auction was yesterday and it raked in more than $2 million. A 10-carat diamond ring alone fetched $550,000.

Believe it or not, somebody paid $6,000 for the Madoff slippers, and a grouping containing the sleazebucket’s underwear and socks went for $1,700. That’s right, $1,700.

The high-rollers who bought those personal items might want to see this transcript from listening devices the government planted in Madoff’s posh New York City home when they were building their case. Here is Bernie and a close business associate:

“Jeez, Bernie! You gonna keep clipping those nauseating twisty yellow toenails? You think I wanna walk on those clippings?”

madoff underwear 300“Shut your cakehole, Lamar, I’m trying to watch ‘Dude, Where’s My Car? Besides, I’m dropping the clippings in these monogrammed slippers here, so who cares?”

“You’re still disgusting, Bernie. Don’t  you ever wash those feet? And another thing. You’ve worn that same pair of stinky undershorts this entire weekend. You’re a frickin’ billionaire! You can’t afford a clean pair?”

“None of your beeswax, Lamar! It’s not like anybody else is ever gonna wear ’em!”

“Ewwwwwww, Bernie, that Mexican food really gives you gas! Let’s crack a window in here.”

You gonna finish that enchilada, Lamar? Ya know, you can go home anytime you want. It’s not like we’re in a prison….”

So. Enjoy your new purchases, whomever you are.

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Right: A press release from the U.S. Marshals Service shows three of the more than 400 pieces of personal property. REUTERS/U.S. Marshals Service/Handout

Left: A pair of boxer shorts belonging to Bernard Madoff.  REUTERS/Jessica Rinaldi

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Look closely at those slippers. Was thread really used to monogram them, or did Bernie use the nailclippings and superglue to personalize them???

Hey, I will sell a pair of underwear and socks for lots less. Heck, for $100 the socks will even match!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

“Dude, Where’s My Car?”…more like “Dude, Where’s My Money!”

I wish I had so much money I had nothing better to spend it on then other peoples skivvies. I could start my own celebrity skivvy collection!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Weekend at Bernie’s – pure comedy gold Mr B.

Almost as good as Mrs Bernie’s ‘I didn’t know my husband was stealing money, and I don’t know where it is’.

But the best all-time would have to go to Australian (former?) billionaire Alan Bond, who tried to weasel out of facing trial by claiming that ‘his brain was shrinking’.

Genius – I don’t know who writes their material, but it’s truly inspired.

Hmm… What exactly is it that Lamar does again? And has he ever met Alan Bond?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Simply gobsmacked… just WHO bought his SKIVVIES???????

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Nosmo, Lamar lost interest in Alan Bond when Sean Connery left the role….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

[…] mean, please. This year, we saw somebody buy Bernard Madoff’s underwear and John Lennon’s toilet. Elvis Presley’s toe tag was briefly on the market, until […]

Posted by Sales from the crypt… | Read NEWS | Report as abusive