You’re losin’ to a shrub, Bub!

November 28, 2010

potted plant legs 490

Blog Guy, I’ve heard that you set up test races and stuff like that, so your readers can bet on what beats what? Do you still do those?

GAMES-ASIAN/Sure. I still have a little money left in my budget for the year. What would you like to see?

Well, I’ve heard that when we’re not looking, potted plants can move pretty fast. Is it true?

That’s a perennial question. Where did you hear it?

I heard it through the grapevine.

Well, we put your question to a test by arranging a race between a team of athletes, and a team of potted plants.

It was close from the instant the starter pistil went off, but the plants won and the humans threw in the trowel.

Wow, somehow that seems like a pretty important discovery! Were the plants a professional team?

GAMES-ASIAN/Nah, strictly bush league.

Where did you even get enough fertilizer for an experiment like this?

You must be new to this blog, stranger. Around here, there’s never a shortage of fresh fertilizer…

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Top: China’s Li Lei passes a potted plant while competing in the men’s 50 km walk at the 16th Asian Games in Guangzhou, Guangdong province, China, November 25, 2010.

Left: China’s Si Tianfeng (L) and compatriot Li Lei compete during the men’s 50 km walk at the Games.

Right: Japan’s Koichiro Morioka reacts after finishing third in the men’s 50 km walk at the Games.

REUTERS photos by David Gray

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Posted by Tweets that mention You’re losin’ to a shrub, Bub! | Analysis & Opinion | — | Report as abusive

I have never understood a “walk” race – makes no scents. The plants deserve to win, so go petal your anti-horticulture attitude elsewhere BG. Meanwhile, I’m trying to stem my enthusiasm for donuts.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Blog Gardener: the seeds of doubt you planted germinated in a thought that rose to mind. All the times I’ve walked in a field passing what I thought were different patches of daisies – could it be the same plant overtaking me? I’d have to hedge my bet; but the plants did look eerily similar!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

For a 50 km walk those people are sure doing a lot of running.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

One, Daisies are aggressive overtakers. That’s why I have a sign in the Louisiana and German Iris beds around my ponds that reads “No Reptiles! / No Daisies!” Dat’s true.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I have a potted Sago Palm named Bob who lives in a silver banded barrel planter. He is continually out running around the back yard each night, but returns to the exact same spot in the morning. One of these days I’ll catch him at it…

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Have you noticed the way they move their bums when they “walk”…. I cant stop smirking then….
And there are no daisies or potted plants here.. coz we are all snowed in! 😀

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I coached wide receivers on a football team 10 years ago. (True.) We had a Daisy that wanted to play wide receiver. We had to cut it. It had a bad plant foot.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

We also had to cut some roses that wanted to play defensive back. They just kept turning their hips too soon.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Doc, tell the truth. You cut the roses becuase in truth, they were a bunch of little pricks.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

So, wait a minute. Nobody is going to comment on starter pistil? Really?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Hah, I had no idea what the term meant, had to google it. Blog Guy, we are showing you respect…you had an educational lapse (although in appropriately risque taste), and so we respectfully ignored your teaching moment.


Posted by REDruin | Report as abusive

Nosmo, the roses were strictly bush league.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Roses are red
And ready to pluck.
As defensive backs,
They really suck.

Nosmo, the roses were just garden variety players and were strictly bush league.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive


Posted by REDruin | Report as abusive

All my comments have been weeded out! Alas! (Hands cover face in despair.) Woe! (Peeps through fingers to see if anyone is watching.) Oh, the (negligent) infliction of emotional distress. Oh, the (intentional) trespass to intellectual property! Oh, I shan’t make it throught the night! (Back of hand on forehead, which tilts back sharply.)

Now, I know how the Wicked Witch of the West felt: “All my beautiful wickedness….” Erased from history! Now, I know how Moses felt (and my other roommate, too, D.B.)

A doughnut, a doughnut! My kingdom for a doughnut!

All right, Mr. DeMille. I’m ready for my close-up!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Funny you should say that, Spin, because I just got back from a long walk in the nature preserve down the road from our place. I love the smell of the pines in the cold and the feel of the wind on my face. I’m girding my loins, so to speak, for my winter vacation next month.

Regarding that, I’ve decided to stay in a cottage in the Hocking Valley in Ohio and a cabin in the Red River gorge in Kentucky. I can do day hikes. Being in those places in the winter is like being on a different planet, with frozen waterfalls, recess caves, and rock formations all over the shop. I’m ready for the smell of the Hemlocks and the sound of the waterfalls.

The cabin and cottage have fireplaces, so I can go back at night and spoil myself with a nice dinner, a fire, and a good detective novel. And a bottle of single-malt, which I wouldn’t drink out on the trail.

I feel more alive now than I have in a long time. I had to give up coaching due to added office responsibilities. I miss that very much, but this is not a bad trade.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Doc, you had me at ‘bottle of single malt’. I have an 18yr old Highland Park about to be decanted for gentle consumption over these cooler times. If you should find yourself in the neighbourhood, pull up a glass.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Though I was caught in a blizzrd this morning, must say, everything looks surreally gorgeous covered in white.. :)
No pistils here, I can assure you… 😛

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Back in my university days, my wife would kid me about liking plants more than some of my students. It wasn’t funny; it was true.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Spin, I think she liked my plants more than my students because the plants didn’t send me poems with such lines as

Your choice is clear, it’s plain to see.
You can have her, or you can have me.

I came across that one recently, ironically, in the book Romantic British Poetry and Prose, which I used that term. What I always did with poems students sent me was I would put them in a book and forget about them. Every now and then, I stumble across one.

Also, I think Mrs. Doc thought the plants would be better at protecting us from zombies during the apocolypse….

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Sorry, I was wrong, it was Victorian Prosse and Poetry, which I aparently used in Summer 1988, because the peom is dated June 3, 1988. I found it again. What a juicy poem:

My love for you goes unnoticed….

The arrows of my heart fly solely in your direction,

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

:) I’ve read worse…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive