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You need a semicolonoscopy, Blog Guy!
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Blog Guy, I represent some readers who want to talk to you about your punctuation.
My punctuation? But I’ve been on time nearly every day this week!
That would be punctuality. We’re more concerned about how you end sentences. You use way too many exclamation marks.
I know! I don’t like using those! Research shows they make headlines seem important! Search engines go for them, too!
But if you use them too often they lose their impact, Blog Guy. Another thing. You also seem way too fond of the ellipsis…
Well, I do live in Washington DC. The Ellipsis is what we call the area between the White House and the National Mall…
That’s the Ellipse, you total moron. An ellipsis is three dots, used instead of…
Oh right, instead of completing a…
Exactly, if you don’t want to finish…
Okay, so how should I end my sentences?
Check it out, Blog Guy, maybe it’s time for a period.
Hey! We don’t talk about private women’s stuff like that in this blog! This is a…
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Left: Britain’s Prime Minister’s wife Cherie Blair is surrounded by question marks on a stand as she walks around the exhibition stands at the annual Labour Party conference in Manchester, England, September 24, 2006. REUTERS/Luke MacGregor
Right: Filipino Roman Catholic nuns display a poster of a white exclamation point, the symbol used by a multi-sectoral group that launched a silent protest against the government of President Joseph Estrada in Manila, April 3 2000. REUTERS
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Holy exclamation point Blog Guy! Those nuns are silently exclaming themselves exclamatically! It can only be the work of none other than the vile Punctuation Woman! Look as she stares questionably at us with floating question marks confirming her questionability! Quick Blog Guy, to the Blog Cave! Let’s defeat these evil wenches from their diabolical plan to…
Oh look, a doughnut!
All, if you don’t want to learn something, don’t click on the attached link, which leads to an old joke. Click at your own risk.
http://grammar.about.com/od/punctuationa ndmechanics/a/punctmatters07.htm
@Doc, I took the risk and clicked! Don’t get what the “Dear John” thing was about though. To me it just seem as if the letter was re-written. I didn’t see any misuse of commas in the first one. Maybe that’s because…
Spin – seriously, no nun puns? Not even a nun haiku?
Be warned, this could be habit forming.
Ifly, John is a punctuation goof who needs to pull the dill pickle out of his :
There are people who don’t love an ellipsis…?
haiku alert!
beware the ruler
the nuns are a watching you
for bad punctuation
I LOVE punctuation almost as much as I love Lamar. Doc, I’d come across the Dear John letter before and had used it as a teaching tool. My students scoffed at me (yes, scoffed!)saying such rules were useless in the texting world. I smacked my ruler on my hand, rhythmically, repeatedly, and in an outraged cloud of chalk dust, sentenced them all to a class detention. No miscreant was allowed to leave until each had promised (on the honor system) to use at least one semi-colon, once a day. It took pretty much til dinner time for them to see the error of their unpuntuated ways, but in the end, I–and reason–prevailed.
Lady, stop teaching those engineers, architects, contractors, teachers, education administrators, police officers, business professionals, real estate professionals, employers, physicians, healthcare professionals, social workers, and politicians how to write. Thank you in advance from the lawyers of the future!
Postscript: How would you punctuate this sentence: “There were black and yellow black and blue and red white and blue motorcycles”?
Okay, Doc, I’ll bite.
“There were black and yellow; black and blue; and red, white, and blue motorcycles.”
It’ll be interesting to see what Doc says. I’m not sure you need a comma after white, at least not for American English.
I would probably punctuate it the way Lady has, but if I were writing for publication, it would depend upon the publisher’s house style. American usage these days tends toward not putting the comma after “white.” But the last journal that published an article for me, a “law review,” would have required the comma after “white” pursuant to its house style. I suspect Spin is the true expert here on punctuation, so I’m interested to hear what she has to say.
I once had a student in a summer composition I class. He used NO commas. None. Nada. Zilch.
I inserted commas where convention dictated they had to be and for clarity. After I returned his paper to him, he came up to me after class, held the paper in front of me, and asked me the following very telling question: “Do these little marks have some kind of meaning?” No kidding.
Is there someplace we can go visit the grave, Doc?
OOOOOHH, Doc, wait til Shra takes a gander at your lesson! You’re a stronger man than I am.
I’m like Crowy, Lady. I have electric fences. I’m immune.
How about I let your students loose on you with unpuctuated assignments, Doc?
Tell your secretary to send unpunctuated letters and documents to your peers and clients??
“I am grateful to my roommates, Moses and D.B. Cooper.”
“I am grateful to my roommates, Moses, and D.B. Cooper.”
See, I find this stuff completely engrossing. Isn’t that pathetic?
You should meet Bryan Garner, Lady. I once had a 10-minute discussion with him in San Francisco about m-dashes and n-dashes.
@Spin: WOW, a comma conference, a punctuation pow-wow–that would be so cool!
@Doc: Could not the second of your comma examples also be read as someone speaking to Moses, expressing gratitude to roommates and D.B. Cooper?
Gosh, I haven’t been this excited in a long, long time. Some time soon, Mr B, could you post a blog on subordinate clauses?
@Spin: WOW, a comma conference, a punctuation pow-wow–that would be so cool!
@Doc: Could not the second of your comma examples also be read as someone speaking to Moses, expressing gratitude to roommates and D.B. Cooper?
Gosh, I haven’t been this excited in a long, long time. Some time soon, Mr B, could you post a blog on subordinate clauses?
Gosh I’d love to, Lady, but I have to make a dash for it….
Mr B: “dash for it”–hilarious!
Maybe I’ll write a little blurb on restrictive elements, but I need to discuss it first with my wife Marsha.
So Doc, precisely what elements does your wife Marsha restrict you from?
This is why I love my readers. Who would have thought an item on punctuality would get this many comments?
Quite a bit, Lady, since she is imaginary. But my other wife, Mrs. Doc, is non-restrictive.
The was a song in the charts over here last year about the “Oxford comma”.
@Spin: “I dropped my toothpaste,” said Tom, crestfallen.
So, Doc, if you have one real wife and one imaginary wife, does that make you a semi-bigamist? Or a .33% polygamist? These are important distinctions in LaLaLand.
I imagine so, Lady. Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala….