Manure couture: worst men’s fashion

December 10, 2010


Okay, we all had our laughs yesterday at the year’s worst women’s fashions.

Today’s topic, awful new men’s fashions, is a bit more personal and painful.

list mens worst combo 320After all, I have to wear this stuff myself to set a good example, as you can see in the photo above of me and my brother at our grandmother’s recent funeral.

This was a year when we were treated to outfits too embarrassing to describe, knowing full well that we’ll all be wearing this stuff by spring. Heck, there won’t be anything else for sale.

And apart from the grotesque new variations on standard attire, it got worse. This year, designers began inventing new articles of clothing altogether, like the Crapricot Rube Tube and the Manvas.

Here are my picks of the worst men’s fashions. I don’t know about you guys, but I plan to stay indoors a lot and catch up on my “Rockford Files” reruns.

BRAZIL/8. I see you’ve been shopping in Paris, Lamar

7. Look, Mr. Purina has a new outfit!

6. Just head for the sea, Lee…

5. My  name is Cecil, I play the ukulele

4. I’m Mr. Bozo I’ll be your attorney…

3. Unveiling the Rube Tube

2. Are you wearing an awning, Lamar?

And the very worst new outfit for the year…

1. Twice the shame, twice the idiocy

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Models present creations by fashion designer Shunnoz-Tekasala as part of his men’s Autumn/Winter 2010/11 fashion collection during Lisbon Fashion Week March 14, 2010.  REUTERS/Jose Manuel Ribeiro

A model presents a creation from the Topman Design 2011 Spring/Summer collection at London Fashion Week September 22, 2010. REUTERS/Suzanne Plunkett

A model presents a creation at the Hempel Award 18th China International Young Fashion Designers Contest during China Fashion Week in Beijing, March 25, 2010. REUTERS/Jason Lee

A model presents a creation from British Colony’s 2010/2011 summer collection during the Fashion Rio Show in Rio de Janeiro, May 31, 2010. REUTERS/Bruno Domingos

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Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce you to the Potty Brot…. umm… my bad… the Spotty Brothers, ladies and gents! Big hand please!

Lamar, noooooooooooo!!! Keep the giant butt-swatter away from those lads!!!!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

That top photo… Can anyone else see the Insane Clown Posse dressed in that? How do magnets work anyway?

Thanks BG, now I have to go wash my eyes out with Pine-Sol.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Boy, I wish I’d been there to see all those clowns, er, models, get out of the tiny little car at the fashion show.

Does anyone have a cream pie or seltzer bottle?

I do kind of like the extra long sleeves on the Spot Brother. Would be a good way to tie him to something and keep him off the street.

Oh, just pass the donuts.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

@Dave, it’s the age old question of which came first, ICP or Lisbon fashion?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

You know, the Manvas reminds me a little of Wile E. Coyote, after he’s had an anvil dropped on him. :)

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

Quotation of the Day: “Western languages have no monopoly on words with connotations that affect judgment. In Chinese, . . . yellowness is associated with sunshine, openness, beauty, flowering, etc. Similarly, the word ‘black’ in many African tongues has connotations of strength, certainty, recognizability, integrity, while ‘white’ is associated with paleness, anemia, unnaturalness, deviousness, untrustworthiness.” Norman Cousin, “The Environment of Language” (1967), in Introductory Readings on Language 155, 156-57 (Wallace L. Anderson & Norman C. Stageberg eds., 3d ed. 1970).

And polka dots are associated with Bozo.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

As bad as the spotty suits with mis-matched, paint splattered shoes are, they are probably still better than wearing a necktie.
Seriously, why would anyone want to start each morning by tying a small noose around their neck?

Oh, and in case anyone is wondering why the model in the third picture is wearing an accordian, the answer is that it’s far better than having him play it.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

@Nosmo, I do. Well not that I want to but my job requires I tie that noose around my neck every day. :(

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

You’re getting pretty offensive here, BG. My spouse is an attorney and he prizes his Bozo suit, which he wears when he appears before some other Bozos on the Supreme Court. In fact, he likes the Bozo outfit so much he plans to wear it to a party tonight. We hope our host will be wearing the orange costume, even though it’s a bit late for Halloween.

Posted by slick9 | Report as abusive

@unca … after reading your comment a picture popped into my twisted, doughnut soaked mind of a platoon of soldiers dressed like Mr. Accordion pants man, carrying guns and marching on Washington DC.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Jeez Slick, I’m jealous. Why don’t I get invited to Bozo parties like that?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

@Ifly, in theory I should as well, but because I am a consultant now I can do what I please. Along with the dumb-as-a-brick manager here, but his reason for not wearing one is that his last one got caught in the shredder, and he ended up stuck with his head resting against the machine for about 10 minutes, before someone rescued him. People were walking past ignoring him, not because they didn’t like him, but becuase they thought he had fallen asleep. Again.
Hey, I wonder if he’s related to Lamar?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

@Nosmo, is the manager dumb-as-a-brick because he didn’t know the shredder comes with a “reverse” button? Actually I should not assume it does. The one where I work has one specifically should something get stuck and/or jam the shredder it will spit the object back out but that does not mean all shredders do. But I will go ahead and assume anyway that the shredder the dumb-as-a-brick manager got stuck in had one. For that I shall have a chuckle at his brick-dumness’ expense.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I am OUTRAGED. Dear Mr B, sharing with his bloggers a moment of family sorrow (his granny’s funeral!) and we say what? Of course you would wear extra-long sleeves to cover those grief-gnawed knuckles, Mr.B. Oh, the humanity.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Just sitting here laughing at the comments! Thanks for the grins everyone.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Darn. I had tried to delete these pictures from my head for a long time. Ack!

Posted by vwgal | Report as abusive

Spin.. Umm… silly question, but does he stick his sleeves in the shredder, while he is still wearing the suit? Would be pretty messy then, wouldnt it?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Ahh I can see how… the sleeves shortened… the “hands” dangling in mince-style-shreds… Hmmm… High fashion you say…..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive