Are we the meat in a goofy sandwich?

December 13, 2010

canada mexico poutine 490

Don’t look now, but the U.S. is surrounded. Mexico went goofy in 2010, and Canada went even goofier.

G8/This is serious. These are our closest neighbors to the north and south, but don’t ask me which is which. I guess I need a map.

Faced with a drug war that has killed 30,000 people, the Mexican government took decisive action, with an advertising and public relations campaign to improve their image. I’m not making this up.

My blog tried to help them out by offering possible advertising slogans such as “Follow the gunfire to Acapulco!” and “Mexico, the land of no sudden moves,” but I never even got a gracias note from them.

And Mexico was the place where the president of the Ford subsidiary said their Lobo pickup trucks are so popular with drug cartel hitmen that regular people are now afraid to drive them and risk being mistaken for criminals.

2005 Ford F-150 Lobo EditionThis was also the country where we reported 280 crocodiles had escaped from a refuge after heavy flooding and were roaming coastal areas. Residents were told not to try to capture or kill them. Hey, thanks for the advice.

Canada, meanwhile, became a global epicenter of goofitude in 2010.

Toronto held a World Poutine Eating Championship for people willing to scarf down a dish I’d rather not even describe here.

Canada hosted a G20 Summit where they created a phony “lake” in the press center and served maple taffy lollipops to world leaders.

canada mexico hockey 240Canada also approved its first pay TV porn channel, but said at least 20 percent of its content had to be homegrown porn. Presumably with steamy scenes involving lumberjacks, maple syrup and hot chicks in flannel lingerie.

Meanwhile, “The Beaver,” a respected Canadian history magazine, changed its name to get away from an unfortunate sexual connotation, and the nation toyed with changing the words of its own national anthem to make it gender-neutral.

And don’t forget Montreal, where a frenzied mob celebrating a hockey victory went berserk and inexplicably looted a shoe store.

My fellow Americans, I fear we are now the filling in a great goofy sandwich. It’s just a damned good thing our borders are secure.

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Top: Contestants takes part in the “World Poutine Eating Championship” in Toronto, May 22, 2010. REUTERS/Mark Blinch

Upper right: U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton eats maple taffy during the G8 foreign ministers’ meeting in Gatineau, Quebec, March 30, 2010. REUTERS/Chris Wattie

Left: The 2005 Ford F-150 Lobo edition is seen in a handout photo. REUTERS/Ford/Handout

Lower right: A shoe store is looted after hockey fans celebrating the Montreal Canadiens victory over the Pittsburgh Penguins turned violent in downtown Montreal, May 12, 2010. REUTERS/Shaun Best

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6 comments

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Are the borders REALLY secure, BG? You allowed the White Hat conspiracy to creep in… who knows what goofy lurks in the swamps of New Orleans, or the snowy hills of Alaska.. apart from Sarah Palin up there of course….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by robert basler and eBusiness BPO Inc., cabun. cabun said: [Oddly] Are we the meat in a goofy sandwich? http://reut.rs/dMftlx [...]

Just think of it as job security, Blog Guy! Or maybe not. If the silliness becomes the norm, would that make you a ‘serious’ blogger? Say it isn’t so!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

@Spin – if you are correct, I’m certain that’s one of the signs of the impending pandapocalypse, especially if it is not in relation to Border Security, or BS as we call it around here.

From my point of view, the US borders are fairly secure. As evidence I submit the fact that they let Randy Quaid out, but did not let any of those Poutine eaters in.

As a complete change of tack, after the weekend’s events, we won’t be doing any Bernie Madoff gags for some time, if ever.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

@AllThatJazz, “Oddly Enough Blog: News, Seriously.” Yikes!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

[...] No, You’re Another Man’s Poison “Are We the Meat in a Goofy Sandwich?”–headline, Reuters.com, Dec. 13 [...]

Mrs. Clinton munches on taffy
You would think that would make her sassy
But all it does, is make her goofy
So, much so, that I think she is Miss Bo Boofie!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I wish we had known that the South Western US would be invaded by illegal aliens before we stole it from Mexico. We wouldn’t be having these problems today.

Posted by VaguelyClear | Report as abusive