How Blog Guy made the Naughty List

December 21, 2010

USA/

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse

night before smoke 220The stockings were waiting, but what do you think?

Santa decided to go for a drink!

“My life really sucks!” he told bartender Steve,

“It seems like I’m working on EACH Christmas Eve!

“My marriage is finished, my wife says I’m weird,

“She don’t understand me, she don’t like my beard!

“I think I’ll try freedom, I’ll give it a whirl!

“Perhaps I’ll end up with a cheerleader girl!

USA/“I’m totally serious! It isn’t a joke!

“I’ll tell you the best part, but I need a smoke!”

Then Santa went outside, now Dasher, now Dancer,

Too hammered to read the big warning of cancer,

The stump of his pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath

His cheeks were like roses, his eyes all a-twinkle,

He lurched to the men’s room, and stopped for a tinkle

GERMANY/As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,

He demanded another martini, dry

Then I heard him exclaim with his mouth like a potty,

“That fricking Blog Guy has been TERRIBLY naughty!

“I swear by my reindeer and each little hoofy,

“He’s been running photos of me that are goofy!

“I know who’s been good, and I know who has not,

“And on Christmas, that Blog Guy is opening squat!”

night before cheer 490

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Top: Participants in SantaCon Boston 2010, a gathering of people dressed as Santa going from bar to bar, drink at the Asgard Pub in Cambridge, Massachusetts, December 18, 2010. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

Right: SantaCon participant smokes outside the Asgard Pub. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

Left: SantaCon participant drinks a beer at the Asgard Pub. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

Left: A man dressed as Saint Nicholas uses a restroom during a break from his performance at a Christmas market in the city center of Hamburg, December 6, 2008. REUTERS/Christian Charisius

Bottom: A TV camera operator dressed as Santa Claus trains his camera onto the San Diego Chargers cheerleaders in San Diego, California December 16, 2010. REUTERS/Mike Blake

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21 comments

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And that was a brilliant poem, BG…
And hey, do you really need a gift from Santa? :P

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Good one, BG! It’s nice to know you will have someone opening your presents for you so you can sit back and relax. Do they peel your chestnuts for you as well? If it is Lamar that happens to be doing that, well, just keep an eye on him…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

In other news, tragedy struck at the home of Reuters blogger, Robert Basler, as the result of a long-standing feud between Mr. Basler and jolly old Saint Nick. It appears that after a series of pranks and retaliations between the two, the evening came to a head as Santa slid down the chimney of Mr. Basler’s home. Instead of finding everyone in the house asleep, as Mr. Claus had expected, he found a fireplace full of gasoline, and Mr. Basler waiting with match in hand.

Mr. Basler was arrested, and denied bail.

Services for Santa Claus will be held Christmas Eve, and the turnout is expected to be enormous….

Posted by justK | Report as abusive

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Oddly Enough. Oddly Enough said: How Blog Guy made the Naughty List http://dlvr.it/Br7W6 [...]

SantaCon? Not many nerds in Cambridge, nope, not at all.

@justk – FTW!

Hey BG, don’t worry, most of your regulars will get coal as well, because, well, we’re part of the OEbn. Meh, who needs old Panda Claws anyway?

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

You paint a grim picture, K… So, BG is Grinch? I have been calling another coworker of mine, Grinch just to rile him up… :P

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Cheerleaders! :D

@justK, and as Mr. B. threw the match upon the gasoline he said “Your chestnuts are roasted Kringle!”

The modifications to the BT-69 are complete Mr. B. We have installed the Rudolph detecting radar, the jolly seeking missles including the AIM-9 Sleigh Bell Sidewinder, and the nose-mounted GAU-8 Avenger is loaded with 30mm Candy Cane incendiary rounds for taking out the fat man himself. We are fueled, the pre-flight is check, and we are just awaiting your word to launch sir. We will seek, we will destroy, and we will retrieve the Zebra print Snuggie you wanted for Christmas.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

And where, pray tell, were Rudolph and the elves while Santa was getting schnockered?

It’s OK Santa, I’ll be your wing man.

Signed,

ChristmasCAM

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Lol Mr.Pilot, that is some bada** preparation for Santa…
Come now, just coz BG has been naughty this year is no fault of Santa’s!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Sorry @justk, I have to take back the win and give it to the pilot dude.

Candy cane incendiary rounds? Really laughing out loud on that one.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Zebra-print snuggie. Wow. I asked my wife for one of those, really. I asked for a camouflage one, for when I wanted to hide from her, and a zebra-striped one, for when I, uh, didn’t….

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Alright, enough already. Who gave ifly the extra doughnut? Doc? Shra? Dave? K? BG?

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

@justCAM, doughnuts for breakfast, smoked venison for dinner! :D

@Spin, if there a Badger Alumnus Snuggie?

The BT-69 gunship might be overkil,
but allow me a moment to explain if you will.
Mr. B. brings up joy with his blog, Oddly Enough,
he allows us a smile despite times being tough.
Nothing from us does he ask in return,
there is but one simple rule, please do not learn!
So when Santa denies Mr. B. his good cheer
I load up the plane and take off with a snear.
“Old man Kringle you are not being fair,
no zebra print Snuggie, oh how dare!”
So the skies I patrol until the radar shows a blip,
from out of the clouds upon the sleigh I shall slip.
When target is locked, the missiles are sent away,
and Candy Cane incendiaries will riddle the sleigh.
“My loyalties lie with Oddly Enough it’s true,
“so be on the lookout St. Nick, I am gunning for you!”

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Two things:

1. I missed the SantaCon??? Dang it, I was right there, too!

2. That is a truly unfortunate picture angle of that one particular Charger cheerleader. It looks like she’s being extra naughty (or, if you’re Santa, extra nice).

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

If anyone does get a lump of coal, feel free to send it to me and Knit Nurse. It’s minus several degrees, the water has been frozen for days and we’re melting snow in buckets by the fire. Ho ho ho.

Fair play though, it’s very pretty outside. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

@ifly didn’t you get the memo on the new eggnog moab? guarantee’d go ho ho boom.

Posted by wheelz | Report as abusive

Just about June the 11th I had a sneaking suspicion Blog guy was gonna get lumped into the naughty category. This simply confirms what most probably already knew.

Posted by onequartlow | Report as abusive

Mr.Pilot, officially ROCKS! \m/
Spin, I quite like that idea of a gift… where do I contribute?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Warm thoughts headed your way, Crowy and Knitty. In addition to coal, should we send you Carhartt insulated coveralls or military surplus M-1951 wool field shirts?

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

The blog’s to Christmasy these days, any ideas why? :P

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Thanks. :) Knitty has gone to her folks and I have hot buttered rum, so we’re all sorted…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

I’m going to be all spoiled with central heating when I come back in the New Year though so all warming gifts gratefully received.

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive