Great pie, Ma! You pick the kidneys yourself?

January 7, 2011

scotch pies 490

As an American, I grow weary of having to teach the world everything.

BRITAIN/Once again, we have photos here from something called the World Scotch Pie Championship, in Scotland. There were hundreds of “pies” in competition.

But the thing is, these are not real pies. These are made with stuff like lamb and mutton and mince and – I’m not making this up – kidney.

Kidney? I’m sorry, but if you can put your name on a donor list for something and wait for a transplant, then it doesn’t belong in a pie.

Scotch pies are no more pies than cow pies are. I have to believe their name began as pure sarcasm, in recognition that you pretty much need to drink a bottle of Scotch before you can bear to gag one down.

scotch pies close 240I also believeย  their small round shape wasn’t designed for eating at all, but rather for clapping protectively against your ears if a bagpiper starts playing.

And I’ll just say one more thing. If this is what Scottish folks call pies, then Lord only knows what they think doughnuts are.

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Top: Maurice Irvine poses for photographers with one of his pies after being named World Scotch Pie Champion in Dunfermline, Scotland January 6, 2011.

Right: Irvine looks up at some of his pies.

Left: A World Pie Championship judge examines the meat content of a scotch pie during the judging of the competition in Dunfermline, Scotland November 7, 2007.

REUTERS photos by David Moir

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I am surprised, they didnt have haggis…
And yeah, BG, here a pie means lot more than the fruit-filled ones you are used to…
They are quite fond of the steak-and-kidney thingy…
I thankfully, am not guilty of trying one… ๐Ÿ˜€

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

But then you know what they say at such contests…

“Say aye, tae a pie”..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

BG, you are right, as always! Does look like the Men in Kilts are being rather protective of, um, their doughnuts.
Spam pies?

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

I had an in-law who used to make kidney as a meal. The only thing I remember about it is she used to bring the kidney home from the butcher and boil the p!$$ out of it.

Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

Geez who are those two thugs there, the Scottish mafia? Is that their idea of torturing victims, make them eat kidney pies? Nothing says “intimidation” like two dudes in skirts! :p

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Do not malign Men in Kilts! Sean Connery wears a kilt, and we know he is Agent 007.

Shra: Like the contest line:)

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Speaking of the Scottish Mafia thugs…I wonder what’s in those sporrans they’re clutching so protectively?

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

I know One… Men in Kilts looks really… umm… wont say, Mr.Spam Basket might blush… ๐Ÿ˜€

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Well, we know that Great Britain is world renown for their cuisine, and not in a good way.

Oddly enough, though, if they were to order mince meat pie, there would be no meat in any of them.

The Brits sure do have an odd sense of humor. :)

Posted by skeres | Report as abusive

I don’t know skeres. I love English breakfasts. What about bangers? Oh, how I miss those. And, hey, roast and mash (with the peas just right)! Fish and chips! Toad in the hole, with freshly made toad (as CG has said)! I guess I should eat more for breakfast than oatmeal.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Exactly… coz apples, sultanas,oranges, cooked in vegetable suet could hardly be meat! ๐Ÿ˜€

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Suet? What is the MATTER with you people!!

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

You dont know what suet is, BG? Really??? Well, I aint telling you, if you dont know!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Of course I know. That’s why I asked what’s wrong with you.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Are you proud of yourself, Spin? I mean, really….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I thought doughnuts were Scottish, hence the missing bit in the middle in order to save money.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

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Posted by Tweets that mention Great pie, Ma! You pick the kidneys yourself? | Analysis & Opinion | — | Report as abusive

Because after 25 years of doing stand-up in crappy dumps in the Catskills, I’ve finally broken away from that. I’ll be here all week, and don’t forget to tip your waitress….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

What to the Scots think doughnuts are? All I can say is that Carrie Fisher’s hairdresser in Star Wars was Scottish. Nuff Said!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

1) Bagpipes were, historically, instruments of war, which explains a lot.
2) I can’t remember because my original post got lost.
3) I hear the haggis hunting season has been poor this year due to the snow, fortunately we still have last year’s in the freezer.
4) Mince pies used to contain meat, it was omitted to suit modern tastes.
6) Did the instructions for your tazer say anything about being tazed affecting a person’s memory, Shra?

Posted by knit_nurse | Report as abusive

Very useful, Knit. BTW, why hasn’t Crow weighed in on this subject, which would seem to be a natural for her?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Umm… I dont know Knit.. cant remember tasing you?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Sorry for not jumping in earlier. I was busy remembering my days of working in the abattoir. Before I worked there, I thought that suet was the fat from around the kidneys. After a couple of night shifts, I realised that suet was really just white squidgy stuff. Sadly, there’s a lot on a cow that comes into that category.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Suet. Mmmm. Reminds me of those awesome Danish fries they fry up in horse lard.


Posted by REDruin | Report as abusive

I am so glad I use vegetable suet…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Crow, I guess you’ve seen that slasher comedy movie, Abattoir and Costello…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Horse fat does make the best chips in the world. Pig fat is a close second. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

I would need to ask the chippy guy next time i am tempted to buy chips…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Would the Scots love ‘cod-pies’ to go with their kilts?

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive