Ve haff vays to make you talk!

January 18, 2011

torture miss america 490

Okay Blog Guy, tell us the location of the troops…

No way! You’ll NEVER make me betray my country!

Oh, so you’re a tough guy, huh? Suppose we cram brussel sprouts down your throat and make you watch “Jersey Shore?”

torture accordion this 320It won’t work. I won’t sell out my friends. There’s nothing you can do!

Is that right? Sergeant, bring out “Lonnie and his Yodeling Accordionettes.”

You unspeakabe savages! Push me to extremes, I shall not break!

Oh, and Sergeant, bring out Miss Arkansas and her dummies. Then we’ll see what Blog Guy has to say.

So, we’ve got around 6,200 troops, hiding just north of the town in the old factory. We’re almost out of ammo. There’s no guard at the rear door. You can hear our top-secret plans on this secret radio frequency… Wait, I’m not finished talking yet!

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Top: Miss Arkansas Alyse Eady performs a ventriloquist act during the talent segment of the 2011 Miss America Pageant in Las Vegas, January 15, 2011. Eady went on to become the first runner-up. REUTERS/Steve Marcus

Left: Top candidate of German Social Democrats for the upcoming Saxony state elections, Thomas Jurk, plays the accordion during a campaign rally in Leipzig August 9, 2009. REUTERS/Tobias Schwarz

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Mr. B. I am impressed how long you held out. I probably woulda been singing like a canary for a couple of sapphire blueberry doughnuts (trademark Onedoor :)) with extra sprinkles.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Blog guy, couldn’t you at least show Miss Arkansas’ shoes as well – would keep the ladies happy too!

As for your male readers, I’m pretty sure Miss Arkansas’ twins (and i mean her toys), will keep us entertained long enough.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

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Posted by Tweets that mention Ve haff vays to make you talk! | Analysis & Opinion | — | Report as abusive

@Spin, yes there is, haven’t you seen “Miss Congeneality”? (check spelling on that)

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Looks remarkably like the photo from the funeral, though Hilary’s hands were in her lap.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Two photos of interest.
The first one is the second annual Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shoppe ‘spot the dummy’ contest.
The second is of some Jurk playing the accordian.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Good line, Nosmo:)

If I had to sit in a room full of ventriloquists and their dummies, I’d be puttng vaseline in my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see them… Most clowns and ventriloquist dummies creep me out.

Doughnuts, hold the sprinkles. Or hold the doughnuts, one in each hand and see if you can make them talk!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Dr. Doll says those who don’t ventriloquize creep me and me out.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I wish we all had a talent :-(

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

You have one, Fwd! 😀
We are all so totally odd, that its a talent, no doubt!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Thanks for the good thoughts, Shra.
I plan to rejoice in my oddness!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Spin is right, and we all know the sheer responsibility can be a paean in the butt….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

True story: one of the young women I dated in high school was crowned “Miss Tomato Queen” at the county fair. So, I’ve got that going for me.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Spin, I can speak French with an Irish accent. I sometimes use this “talent” to hound my French-speaking son to do his chores. He claims it is child abuse! That seems hard to believe, doesn’t it?

As for my youth, I strangely developed a love for fruits.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I had a college roommate who was the reigning USA Soybean Queen. Does that count?

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

True story, as Pat Robertson would say. When I was a very young reporter in the Midwest, I covered the Indiana State Fair every August, and being an agricultural event, they crowned a queen for every crop. Corn Queen, Oat Queen, a queen for every farm animal, etc.

Anyway, one year I mused in the newsroom that there was a Pork Queen, and I wondered what woman on earth would want that title. So we had a contest among the journalists to come up with a better title for the same contest.

I came in second, with Pig ‘O My Heart, which you may not get if you know nothing of American barbershop quartet songs.

The winning entry, from a very witty reporter? Miss High Sty….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I would be remiss if I did not say that winning the Tomato Queen pageant is quite an honor, and I am indeed honored to have dated the Miss Tomato Queen of my youth.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I think Pig O’ my heart is very nice, Mr.B…
But then, I could be biased.. 😀

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

And really, a red sequined playsuit????

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@Shra, I know right! It’s like hottie model on top and Hillary Clinton on the bottom. It’s the mullet of outfits.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Umm.. not quite the comparison I had in mind.. but yeah, I’ll go along, Mr.Pilot…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive