Who’s your crawdaddy now?

January 27, 2011

You get a line and I’II get a pole,
And we’ll go down to the Crawdad hole,
Honey, sugar baby, mine,

Blog Guy, you look preoccupied. What are you doing?

If you must know, I’m pounding out my next million dollar screenplay for Hollywood. It’s a science fiction story, ripped from today’s headlines.

CRAYFISH-GIANT/Wow! Where did you get the idea for it?

I ripped it from today’s headlines, stupid. Scientists have found a “new species of giant crayfish” in Tennessee. The story says this thing is “huge.”

What’s the plot?

The plot? Have you never seen a monster movie?

The scientists leave the enormous thing in their lab, it grows to 60 feet tall, it eats the night janitor, crushes police cars in its giant claw, they force it into a bubbling hot springs, it ends up in a huge crawdad étouffée. I’m calling it “The Crustacean that Crushed Chattanooga.”

crawdad deen 320Um, Blog Guy, I hate to burst your pathetic bubble, but this story goes on to say the “giant crayfish” is only five inches long. It’s only huge compared with other crayfish.

Five inches? Really? Crap. Oh well, the Food Network will still buy it. Get ready for “Paula Deen’s Jumbo Gumbo.”

You think there will be a sequel?

Nah, I have bigger fish to fry.

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A new species of giant crayfish, named Barbicambarus simmonsi, found in Tennessee, is pictured here in this image released to Reuters January 20, 2011. REUTERS/Carl Williams/Handout

Food Network personality Paula Deen laughs before throwing out the first pitch prior to the Washington Nationals versus New York Mets MLB baseball game in Washington, May 19, 2010. REUTERS/Gary Cameron

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Once upon a time there was a crayfish..
The other crays thought, she was quite the dish..
She enjoyed the attention…
And had quite the disposition!

The one day, some speccy geeks,
creeped up in her neck of the creek…
They spotted this giant beauty..
and said, “Man, she sure has some booty!”

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Etouffee, or not etouffee, that is the question.
Would the crawdad be nobler in wine?
Does wine enhance the dining experience,
Or the memory that lives Hmong those in your heart?

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

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Posted by Tweets that mention Who’s your crawdaddy now? | Analysis & Opinion | — Topsy.com | Report as abusive

“The Crustacean that Crushed Chattanooga.”? Now that’s a movie I’d pay to see! Eat your heart out Godzilla!



Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

Mmmmmmmm, bugs. I’m a big fan of them in my gumbo, and in etouffee.

@Shra – crawdad booty? Now there’s an interesting thought, but the visual demands donuts – lots of sprinkles.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Paula Deen is laughing cause she knows even before she throws out the first pitch she has already struck out three Mets batters.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Darn Mr B. You have usurped my blockbuster movie script. Mine was about a large edible Australian crustacean, unleashed on the unsuspecting East Coast of America.
It’s called the Morton Bay Bug that Munched Manhattan, and was written to have Russell Crowe headline as either the plucky hero, or the bug, or maybe both.

Well, I guess I’ll just have to finish off my next script, Attack of the Mutant Zombie Poutine – when cheese curds go REALLY bad.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

They named the crawdad Barbi?

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

I want to see all three movies! Can the OE Bloggers work as extras?

Are the holes in Swiss cheese the result of curdish Zombie attacks?

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Ohhhh can I be credited as “Guy Who Falls Off Boat #16″? 😀

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I want to be one of the zombies…

@Spin: The limerick is wonderful, and, oh, I just can’t make a comment:)

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Hmm…. this could be the first time I saw “five inches” and “huge” used in a serious sentence without any irony or sarcasm! Impressive!

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

Yeah, you would find a lot of that kinda stuff here, Malt…
We are nothing but odd AND impressive…
Well, Spin leads the way on that… 😛

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

You took being odd in the OE way, didnt you, Spinny?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Wait, that’s not what I read. I thought it was supposed to take place at a fancy restaurant in San Francisco, called the Top of the Marc….

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive