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January 31, 2011

GERMANY-HITLER/BODYGUARD

Blog Guy, we’re a whole month into 2011 and you haven’t spotted any new signs of that onrushing Apocalypse. Does that mean we’re out of the woods?

Far from it. I’ve just seen a very serious sign, but it’s so disturbing I’m still in shock.

GERMANY-HITLER/WAXDamn. Guess I can stop planning for my retirement. What was the latest sign?

According to a Reuters story, Adolf Hitler’s last surviving bodyguard, who is 93, says he can no longer respond to the deluge of fan mail from autograph-seekers, because of his age.

And?

Well look, I’d like to think this old fart is just delusional. Maybe he’s mistaking junk mail from the University of Wisconsin Alumni Association for “fan mail,” which I myself have done.

But if it’s really true that anybody on earth wants the autograph of a dumbass who protected Hitler, that doesn’t bode well.

hitler scrapbook 320Let’s face it. This boob could have done humanity a huge favor just by picking up a heavy lug wrench during a private moment with Hitler, but he didn’t bother.

Or he could have said, “Everyone come quickly! Der Führer has choked to death on an oily rag, and I couldn’t stop him!”

But there’s even more. Our story says the guy was also Hitler’s telephone operator.

Couldn’t he have been like, “Guten Morgen, your call is very important to us. If you have top secret information for Der Führer, hang up now and call President Roosevelt…”

Would that have been too much to ask?

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Top: Rochus Misch, who worked as a courier, bodyguard and telephone operator for Adolf Hitler, speaks during an interview with Reuters in Berlin August 8, 2007.

Left: A waxwork of Adolf Hitler on the opening day of Berlin’s Madame Tussauds, July 5, 2008.

Right: Misch shows his picture book.

REUTERS photos by Tobias Schwarz

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Comments

Hmmmmmmm. Possibly the reference to the popular Courteney Cox sitcom “Cougar Town” was too obscure (I’ve never seen it, either).

I also briefly toyed with a reference to the sitcom “Third Reich from the Sun,” but that’s not even on anymore.

Okay, let’s go with your guess about the Peter Luger steak place…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

Hey, do not compare this guy to a boob. Boobs have historically sided with the forces of good! How dare you smear the good name of boobs. I demand a retraction!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive
 

Yeah @Spin, I can’t draw the connection between hawking/spitting and Hitler either. Oh – wait, maybe I have my words confused.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive
 

By my calculations the guy was 27 when Hitler died, so basically what we have here is the story of a 27 year-old guy living in someone else’s basement.
He may well have been the role model for subsequent generations of uninspired slackers, although it seems unlikely that many of them would actually have been motivated enough to write to him.

My only question is, given there was no TV, Internet or Playstation, what exactly did he do all the time?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive
 

I was a bodyguard for Soupy Sales once, for one afternoon, years and years ago. For all I know, I might be his last surviving bodyguard! Hey! I will start returning fan mail as soon as it arrives. What’s that, Bob? What did you say I could have done to benefit humanity?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soupy_Sales

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive
 

“Third Reich from the Sun”. :D That’s made my week.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive
 

I can’t blame you for that, Doc. It’s harder with Soupy. You have to wait until you hear, “Simon says, hit me with a lug wrench….”

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

I’m very serious after reading this one :-(

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive
 

I agree CG… I loooooooved that show… I believe I have seen one episode of Cougar Town… Umm… No, thankyou… I wouldnt see another episode… no, there is nothing you can offer me to make me….
Ooohhh!! Sapphire blueberry doughnuts!!! Why didnt u say so before!!! Bring it on baby!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

CrowGirl, me too. “Third Reich from the Sun”…genius!

:D

E.

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive
 

“Dieter! Let Opa tell you what life was like when I was a boy. We didn’t just sit in the basement downloading porn all day. No…we had to walk miles in the snow and ice to buy photos. And because of the war, the only pictures available were of our Olympic Athletes. Now don’t get me wrong, Aryans are wonderful people. All those photos of blue-eyed blondes, though. Well…that
was just wishful thinking. Personally, I’m sure the real reason Mein Fuhrer wanted a country of blondes was to make the women’s facial hair less noticable. You kids just don’t know how good you have things these days.”

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive
 

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