Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Three great inventions we really need…

February 8, 2011

THAILAND

Blog Guy, apart from writing textbooks and making airplanes, what do you do with your time?

I dabble at inventing. Someday one of my ideas will catch on, and that will be my ticket out of this dump.

invention doors 320Is there anything you can share with us?

Well, I do have three patents pending. You know the automatic doors they have at stores?

Of course. They open when you approach, but those have been around forever.

Yes, but not the smaller home version. Why should you have to turn a doorknob when you can have all the convenience of a supermarket at your own front door?

Classy. Just like living in a liquor store. What else you got?

You know how you get up to use the bathroom at night and then get back in bed but you can’t decide whether to sleep on your back or your right or left side, so you just sit there debating which way to flop?

I have an electronic gizmo that chooses for you. We’ve tested it on these Bengal tiger cubs, above, so why wouldn’t it work for humans?

FAST FOOD/I’d buy that, for sure. But don’t you have a really, really huge idea, like the internal combustion engine or the thermos bottle?

Indeed. You know those big buckets that fast food comes in?

I’ve invented one with a CLEAR PLASTIC bottom! See, you can lift it up to your mouth while you drive, because you can see right through it and out the windshield!

But…but…but…wouldn’t the grease from the fried foods quickly smudge the clear plastic?

Uh-0h. We’re doing live consumer testing on I-95 today. I need to go do something.

Are you calling it off?

No, but I’m putting a 70-mile-an-hour speed limit on those suckers.

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Top: A playful pair of month-old Bengal tiger cubs have a well-earned sleep in Bangkok in a 2003 file photo. REUTERS/Sukree
Sukplang

Left: A man waits for a subway train in Seoul October 22, 2008, at a station with automated doors on the platform. REUTERS/Lee Jae-Won

Right: KFC and McDonald’s signboards are shown in Los Angeles October 3, 2007. REUTERS/Lucy Nicholson

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Comments

Tiger cubs. Ahhhh, the cuteness, it hurts, can someone make it stop?

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive
 

Could you also please invent a mobile taser charger, which can be charged by say, Diet Coke, Mr.B??
I’ll let you figure out the technical bits of it…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

I am impressed with automated doors…I am easily impressed mind you :P

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive
 

Twin cubs! Doubly cute.

The door idea opens up a lot of possibilities.
If the doors are clear, well, trying to be dressed and presentable at all hours just won’t work for me. And one power outage and I’d be stuck outdoors! Possibly with wildlife that isn’t so cute.

Oh, just make the extra large bucket with an insert in the bottom to fit on a lazy susan. And sides that open out into sections. Just open the sides, spin that sucker around and grab whatever flies out at you!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive
 

Those tigers are so cute I want to fart rainbows.

@Shra, you should have Mr. B. invent a mobile taser charger that is powered by Mr. Fusion so that way you can tase someone back to the future.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive
 

Dave: that photo is 8 years old. To stop the cuteness, just imagine someone trying to get an adult tiger into a tee shirt. Think of the guy in Spain with the shredded tee shirt and bloody legs from yesterday’s blog.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive
 

Spin, all well and good for you, that welcome mat! What with BG having given my name to the Death Panel, I have a sneaky suspicion the welcome mat would be a death panel. Youch!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive
 

Just to make clear, I didn’t give your name to the Death Panel. I may have sold it, however…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

That’s it! Brilliant! I’m going to quit my job and start a company that makes cute sweaters for tiger cubs! Thanks, BG and Dave for the inspiration! At my company we’ll have doughnuts and coffee every morning and fly on the corporate BT-69! :-) And, of course, the OE blog will be required reading for all employees.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive
 

BG: hope they gave you enough to buy a Luther Burger.

@Cam: Hire me! Hire me! I’ll even serve the coffee!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive
 

What about my invention — the Easy Styrofoam Cup?

____

Have you ever gone to pick up a styrofoam cup and had 2, or 3 or 5 stick together? Well, the “Easy Styrofoam Cup” is the answer. A small hole in the bottom of the cup allows air to enter between the cups! They separate easily! No hassle. No messing with separating cups while your coffee gets cold. No more arthritic pain in your fingers!

Try the “Easy Styrofoam Cup” today! Order today, pay $9.95, and we’ll send you not 1, but 2 “Easy Styrofoam Cups.” A $60.00 VALUE!

Add to that the “Amazing Dribble Bib” absolutely free. Just give us your credit card number and pay postage and handling!* What could be easier!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive
 

“I may have sold it, however…”… oh Mr. B. you are a hoot and a holla.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive
 

@Onedoor, yeah you don’t want to get stuck outdoors with the squirrels and panda bears. They are right visous buggers! Your lazy susan idea though is brilliant. It would not only serve as a means to get food but also work on your reflexes.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive
 

@69: Absolutely. Mr. Spam Filter reviews all resumes.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive
 

Doc, that’s brilliant! And the demographics researchers keep telling me my readers are idiots!

You know, I’ve been solving this problem for years by sticking a kabob skewer through a whole stack of cups when I buy them, but your way makes it so much easier!

And how’s this for another improvement? Styrofoam coffee cups with pointed bottoms! They would stack much more easily than the flat-bottomed ones. We could market them as Styrocone Cups.

Doc, we’re looking at serious money here, even if we only sell them to those “religious protesters.”

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

I knew it…. we all rightfully belong in this “facility”….
Nurseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  !

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

Mr B, do your home sliding doors come with a Star Trek sound option? ‘Cause that would be cool.

I’m working on an app for the iPhone, so the screen becomes a mirror for the application of make-up, or so you can see someone sneaking up behind you.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive
 

BG & Doc – when selling to the Westboro Baptists:
1) NO DRIBBLE BIBS…at any price
2) only serve extremely HOT coffee (you may want to get some info from McDonald’s)

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive
 

Looks like the cubs were chowing down from a clear bottomed chum bucket.

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive
 

Yes…the tiger cubs are very cute. It would almost be a shame to turn them into house shoes. Big, furry, warm, cozy house shoes. Yup. That’s right. I said it. I want to wear those cute cubs on my feet.

Posted by justK | Report as abusive
 

Wow, this one went in so many crazy directions. Tiger-cub slippers to holey styrofoam cups to death panels.

That’s why I hang out here, I fit in.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive
 

Those cubs are so cute, I want to give them a cuddle… I could come back up missing an ear.. or two…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

Dave, I am with you. Just when my stock of sprinkles had run out I read this! Thanks, guys, now I’m feeling positively in the pink again!

Posted by justM | Report as abusive
 

was that a Spintervention?

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive
 

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