News, but not the serious kind
Three great inventions we really need…
I dabble at inventing. Someday one of my ideas will catch on, and that will be my ticket out of this dump.
Is there anything you can share with us?
Well, I do have three patents pending. You know the automatic doors they have at stores?
Of course. They open when you approach, but those have been around forever.
Yes, but not the smaller home version. Why should you have to turn a doorknob when you can have all the convenience of a supermarket at your own front door?
Classy. Just like living in a liquor store. What else you got?
You know how you get up to use the bathroom at night and then get back in bed but you can’t decide whether to sleep on your back or your right or left side, so you just sit there debating which way to flop?
I have an electronic gizmo that chooses for you. We’ve tested it on these Bengal tiger cubs, above, so why wouldn’t it work for humans?
I’d buy that, for sure. But don’t you have a really, really huge idea, like the internal combustion engine or the thermos bottle?
Indeed. You know those big buckets that fast food comes in?
I’ve invented one with a CLEAR PLASTIC bottom! See, you can lift it up to your mouth while you drive, because you can see right through it and out the windshield!
But…but…but…wouldn’t the grease from the fried foods quickly smudge the clear plastic?
Uh-0h. We’re doing live consumer testing on I-95 today. I need to go do something.
Are you calling it off?
No, but I’m putting a 70-mile-an-hour speed limit on those suckers.
Top: A playful pair of month-old Bengal tiger cubs have a well-earned sleep in Bangkok in a 2003 file photo. REUTERS/Sukree
Left: A man waits for a subway train in Seoul October 22, 2008, at a station with automated doors on the platform. REUTERS/Lee Jae-Won
Right: KFC and McDonald’s signboards are shown in Los Angeles October 3, 2007. REUTERS/Lucy Nicholson