Taking an airplane? Don’t go there!
Blog Guy, you’ll never believe where I’m e-mailing you from. I’m flying on one of those planes with Internet access. Greetings from 32,000 feet.
Don’t touch a thing, and come back down here this instant!
What do you mean, Blog Guy?
I don’t scare easily, Blog Guy. Besides, usually all I have is the water.
Ah. The water that has tested positive for E. coli bacteria on a number of planes?
Maybe I’ll have hot coffee, instead.
Sorry, coffee brewed on board with bad water doesn’t reach high enough temperatures to kill the bacteria.
Then I won’t drink anything. I’ll just eat my airline meal.
Oh. About that. FDA inspections of the world’s largest airplane caterer “found the kitchens crawling with roaches too numerous to count…”
Okay, I won’t have anything. My tray table is pretty full just holding my laptop.
Flight attendants have witnessed “repulsive misuses of the tray table, from parents changing dirty diapers to kids sticking their boogers underneath.”
Boogers? It said boogers? Fortunately, I have my own bottle of designer water, safely tucked in my seat pocket.
Yeah? That would be the seat pocket where they’ve found, among other totally disgusting things, human toenail clippings?
Ewwwwwwwww!!!! TOENAIL CLIPPINGS? I need to barf somewhere, right now!
Sure, just use the seat pocket. It’s not like you’re gonna make it any worse…
Top: Angie Laplant, from Edmund, Oklahoma, shows off her toenails at the 2008 Republican National Convention in St. Paul, Minnesota, September 1, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young
Right: The Netherlands’ Crown Prince Willem-Alexander and Crown Princess Maxima watch the swimming events during the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games, August 14, 2008. REUTERS/Kai Pfaffenbach
Left: Cockroach race host Damien Burke shows off his cockroach swaggie hat at the cockroach races held in Brisbane as part of Australia Day celebrations, January 26, 2004. REUTERS/Greg White