Taking an airplane? Don’t go there!

February 11, 2011

airline gross nails this 490

Blog Guy, you’ll never believe where I’m e-mailing you from. I’m flying on one of those planes with Internet access. Greetings from 32,000 feet.

Don’t touch a thing, and come back down here this instant!

What do you mean, Blog Guy?

Look, I just read this story on AARP about germs and hygiene on airplanes, and it’s disgusting beyond words.

OLYMPICS-SWIMMING/I don’t scare easily, Blog Guy. Besides, usually all I have is the water.

Ah. The water that has tested positive for E. coli bacteria on a number of planes?

Maybe I’ll have hot coffee, instead.

Sorry, coffee brewed on board with bad water doesn’t reach high enough temperatures to kill the bacteria.

Then I won’t drink anything. I’ll just eat my airline meal.

Oh. About that. FDA inspections of the world’s largest airplane caterer “found the kitchens crawling with roaches too numerous to count…”

GWOkay, I won’t have anything. My tray table is pretty full just holding my laptop.

Flight attendants have witnessed “repulsive misuses of the tray table, from parents changing dirty diapers to kids sticking their boogers underneath.”

Boogers? It said boogers? Fortunately, I have my own bottle of designer water, safely tucked in my seat pocket.

Yeah? That would be the seat pocket where they’ve found, among other totally disgusting things, human toenail clippings?

Ewwwwwwwww!!!! TOENAIL CLIPPINGS? I need to barf somewhere, right now!

Sure, just use the seat pocket. It’s not like you’re gonna make it any worse…

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Top: Angie Laplant, from Edmund, Oklahoma, shows off her toenails at the 2008 Republican National Convention in St. Paul, Minnesota, September 1, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

Right: The Netherlands’ Crown Prince Willem-Alexander  and Crown Princess Maxima watch the swimming events during the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games, August 14, 2008. REUTERS/Kai Pfaffenbach

Left: Cockroach race host Damien Burke shows off his cockroach swaggie hat at the cockroach races held in Brisbane as part of Australia Day celebrations, January 26, 2004. REUTERS/Greg White

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Glad I’m not flying any time soon. I will have forgotten all about this by the time I do, but thanks for the travel tips BG. And by tips, I mean totally gross and nasty commentary. Cockroach races? Really? Heck, even the toes are ugly on this one.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

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Not sure which is worse, being a member of the aristocracy caught on camera picking your nose, or your wife stting next to you watching it up on the big screen.
Actually, I do know which is worse – the second one.

My personal worst airline experience was one time finding maggots in my salad.

Interesting change from ‘k’ to ‘h’ in the last paragraph, Mr B.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

too yucky…and loved it 😀

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Fwd, agree with you mate…
Spin…. you need to see the nurse… Pronto!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Nosmo, that was part of the original photo caption, which I rarely read. Thanks for the catch, which I’ve now fixed.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Blog guy you are weak. This response you have to toenails and boogers and diapers means several things: (1) you don’t like to get your hands dirty in the real world-I’m guessing you’ve never worked on farm and walked through a dairy-farm field composed on cow excrement and dirt and water. These things you mention are “clean” in comparison; (2) you don’t have experience with small children or babies; (3) you’re a whiner. I recommend you go to some place like Haiti, Belieze, or India and see how you like living amoung people with real hygiene problems. You make me sick with your weak attitude. Go do some pushups until your attitude changes!

Posted by gmarcTexAtty | Report as abusive

@gmarcTexAtty, go watch Comedy Central until you change your attitude and grow a sense of humor.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Do you see how casually The Netherlands’ Crown Prince Willem-Alexander has his finger up his nose? It is because he knows his picture is being taken. He knows my theory, if you know your picture is being taken always shove a finger up your nose that way if you are ever picking your nose but don’t know your pic is being taken no one will know the difference.

Ya know?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I don’t totally understand that, ifly, but it’s good background to have in case we ever meet face to face.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Mr/Miss/whaterver-you-are gmarcTexAtty, you need to check WHAT you are reading and WHY…
Once you have the answer, you can quietly exit and not return unless you UNDERSTAND the reason is blog is written..

Until then, have a good life… :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Hey, let’s back off gmarc. I think he/she IS being funny. Otherwise, why the over-the-top pushup reference?

Also, let’s face it. I AM a whiner. I’m going to go out right now to look for a field of excrement and build some character.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

gmarc, they have sand in Texas, right? They have hammers in Texas, right?

p.r. q.i.d.

(Apply to rectum, four times per day.)

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Well, it could have been a reference to a pushup top that sends, um, white bar items over the top. Not the best “dress for success” when cleaning a chicken coop. Those loose feathers could tickle!

@BG: Poor Mrs. BG, if your children came out large and not small. Can we all play “Name That Tune” to your whining?

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

@Shra: hehe yeah you tell him..

@gmarcTexAtty: Really? I’m Pakistani but that does NOT mean I can’t enjoy the blog. So please don’t tell what you don’t know. 😉

@RB: Okay lemme back off now. 😀

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Just out of curiousity, what would the flight attendants have a parent do w/a kid w/a poopy diaper when the restroom is is use? I suppose we could revert down the evolutionary trail & throw it @ each other like monkeys. Just say no to diaper rash & baby booty infections!

Posted by MamaC326 | Report as abusive

Hmm… sand, poopy diapers, cockroaches, whining.
Has someone stuck a surveillance camera in my boss’s office?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

gmarcTexAtty, Hi, welcome. I work on a farm, six days and about 60 hours a week. I regularly shovel/fork cow excrement, pig excrement, sheep excrement, chicken excrement, duck excrement and dog excrement. I had no idea that meant it was okay for me to eat from tray tables contaminated with human waste and drink polluted water, but thanks for letting me know !

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Mama, I was once in a law firm where the pattern in the wallpaper was of monkeys throwing coconuts at each other.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I think gmarc is referencing that ex military guy being a psychologist dude throwing the tissue box at the cry baby chiding him as a “jackwagon” in need of self esteem….what the hell is that for anyways….car insurance or something?

Posted by onequartlow | Report as abusive

R. Lee Ermey embodies all that is badass. “You know what makes me sad? YOU DO!” LOL 😀

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I love that commercial. But I disagree with the premise that Ermey is a “terrible therapist.” I know a lot of people who could benefit from exactly that type of “therapy.”

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

My DI’s first words to me were “Do you want me to break your arm?” And then I did pushups by the bus exhaust. Now, that was therapy!

Ermey commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APwfZYO1d i4

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

You boys just get on like fire with that Military/Marine stuff, dont you?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

that picture of the prince reminds me…baseball season is just around the corner & I’m really gonna miss Bobby Cox this season :(

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Maxima later regretted taking the Monach’s offer of ‘The pick of the litter’ for her to marry, when she finally realised what that actually meant.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Maxima later regretted taking the Monach’s offer of ‘The pick of the litter’ for her to marry, when she finally realised what that actually meant.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

from that angle, there’s no passing that off as a scratch…it’s clearly a pick. So maybe the prince was trying to get out of a relationship BEFORE Valentine’s Day

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

I just returned from a conference in New Orleans – and am SO GLAD I didn’t check this blog before the flight home.

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive