Climb faster! We got a plane to board!

February 14, 2011


Blog Guy, I can’t remember the name of it, but you blogged about some city you called the “goofiest spot on earth.”

You mean Wackytown? That’s Krasnoyarsk, in Siberia. I put together tours there as part of my blog’s Goofy Travel series. Are you interested?

RUSSIA/I’d love to see a place that’s that goofy, but I worry about getting there. Do they have a good airline?

Do they? Siberia’s Acme Airlines and Pedicures is state-of-the-art! Check out this photo of a ground crew refueling one of their planes for takeoff.

Uh, what’s up with those flames?

Just a little fuel spillage. Don’t look out the plane window if it bothers you.

What about their passenger terminal? My comfort is important to me when I travel.

Then you’ll love Acme. Say so long to tedious old boarding ramps, and say hello to convenient new “Vertical Access Enablers.”

I notice they have separate um, enablers to the first class and economy sections. Are all the enablers the same?

Of course not. The first class ones have been de-iced.

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Top: Firefighters use a foam gun to extinguish a fire during a joint training exercise between the Emergency Ministry and airport services at Yemelyanovo airport in the Siberian city of Krasnoyarsk, February 10, 2011.

Left: Rescue workers enter a plane during an evacuation drill.

REUTERS photos by Ilya Naymushin

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The first class are treated like privileged pr**ks!
I thought WackyTown was different in EVERY aspect…
I am disappointed…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Plugging the competition Mr. B.? How could you? Oh sure Acme might have “Vertical Access Enablers” but do the passengers get to experience the joys of pushing the Acme jet to the runway as they do the BT-69s of BasAir? No, no they don’t. Acme ain’t all that wonderful now is it? Blllaaaah. 10/05/11/flying-high-with-my-secret-care er/

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by robert basler, Oddly Enough. Oddly Enough said: Climb faster! We got a plane to board! […]

Posted by Tweets that mention Climb faster! We got a plane to board! | Analysis & Opinion | — | Report as abusive

After cooking the in-flight meals, catering staff board the aircraft to load the meals onto the service carts.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

That does not look like the BT-69. I thought you’d have the market share on planes in such a wacky segment.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

The flames will help to de-ice the enablers and warm your toes prior to take off and pedicure. Still, it just doesn’t compare to BasAir.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Wackytown transportation officials should partner with Mexican drug launchers to implement a new and improved tourist trebuchet transportation system.

Posted by sarabelle | Report as abusive

Talk about your de-icing procedures, yikes!

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

See? That’s what happens when you offer fried turkey on a flight!

That is one big nozzle, though. Are they compensating for something?

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

@Spin I think you’re both right. As you can see in the top photo, after leaving the roach-infested kitchen, the food is sanitised using a flamethrower.
Acme are proud to only use cockroaches whose sole food source is in fact used toenail clippings. The roaches, after gourging themselves, are removed from the aircraft before passengers start boarding (as demonstrated in the second photo).
Interesting factoid – the ‘BT’ in Basler Aircraft means ‘Burnt Toenail’, when due to an unfortunate mis-communication, they started the practice of removing toenail clippings from seatpockets by using a flamethrower.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Spin, who is right? Shra. Always.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

@Nosmo, I was under the impression the ‘BT’ stood for “Be careful, The duct tape holding the wing spar together is peeling off.”

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

One of my best friends leaves tomorrow for a 2.5-week vacation in Antartica. (It’s summer there, so the night temps should be 0 Farhrenheit or higher.) Mrs. Doc wouldn’t let me go along. You’d think he was going to Krasnoyarsk!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I should add, I suppose, that he’s going on a cruise on the National Geographic Explorer. Part of the cruise entails visits to Antartica, Elephant Island, etc. Cost? Approximately $20,000.00. I am so envious.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

You left out the best part, Unca. “Puzhalsta” often menas “please, may I help you?’ “please, take this” or “please take one.” It also means “you’re welcome,” “it’s nothing,” “think nothing of it,” etc. (“Spasiba” means “thank you.”)


Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Uh-oh Doc!
That could be construed as being educational.
Everyone else – clear the room!

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

@Shra: First class pay more, you do realise that don’t you? 😉

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Unca and Doc… I think my previous zaps woiuld be shamed by this one I am doling out especially for you guys…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I learnt some Russian today…

This is a disappointment.

Shra, tase him, puzhalsta…I mean, please.

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

That’s gonna leave a mark.
Pat down the cinders and have a doughnut, Doc.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Vodka immunizes against tasers.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

HA HA Shra! Missed me! (You can tase my sister.) :-)

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Keep thinking that Doc, should help you heal and hopefully understand the true aim of this blog… which is NO LEARNING!!!
Fwd,show-offs ALL of them! Well, mostly all of them!#
CAM, dont see you doing anything, but you know what they say, kid with the Zapper and thou shall be zapped!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

You know, I can’t help but look at the first photo and wonder why those guys are trying to put out a fire with high pressure cake frosting.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Vodka makes me laugh.
I laugh at the taser — Ha!
And Scotch is better.


Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

@69 … :-)

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

[…] after learning about their air travel facilities I’m thinking flying there isn’t the best idea. Is there another way to get to […]

Posted by Jump now, avoid the crowds! | Oddly Enough Blog | Report as abusive