Oddly Enough Blog

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Curses! Here comes Big Red!

February 22, 2011

heroines combo 490

Blog Guy, I’m a young female who wants to become a super heroine, sort of like Wonder Woman. I know she was an Amazon. Any idea where she bought her costume?

I guess Amazon.com would be too obvious?

heroine redhead 240Oh. That makes sense. You’ve written about a place called Super-Chicks R Us. Are they still in business?

Yes, but they just had their annual clearance sale, and their best super identities are gone.

What’s left, then? I’m not picky.

Let’s look at their Website. They have “Skinny-Legged Woman.” She gets a cheesy purple dress and hairy-armed gloves.

Oh, then maybe I AM picky. What else do they have?

I can get you a good deal on “Confused Thrift Shop Woman.” It says here she has the power to right wrongs.

Yeah? Looks like she doesn’t even have the power to dress herself. Is that all?

No. There’s also “Big Red,” a “masked red-headed vixen whose temper explodes when she goes after evil.”

Really? Now we’re stooping to cultural stereotypes about redheads?

It says here she has a real potty mouth on her. She curses like a sailor.

Why the #*@&$#% didn’t you say that in the first place? I’ll take it!

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Top left: Models present creations from Huis Clos’ Winter 2011 collection during Sao Paulo Fashion Week January 31, 2011. REUTERS/Nacho Doce

Top right: A model presents a creation from Ronaldo Fraga’s Winter 2011 collection during Sao Paulo Fashion Week January 31, 2011. REUTERS/Nacho Doce

Lower left: A model presents a creation from the Farah Angsana Fall/Winter 2011 collection during New York Fashion Week, February 11, 2011. REUTERS/Brendan McDermid

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Comments

Holy fashion, Blog Man!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive
 

Lemme guess…Shra’s next comment will be: SHOOOOESS!! THANKS BG! (Or something similar)! :P

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive
 

You’re wrong. It will be something much more original than that.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

Ah, those poor sailors, always getting a bad rap. A well-deserved, appropriate bad rap, but bad none-the-less. Unlike us pure-as-the-driven-snow Jarheads. You’d never accuse one of us of having a Eugene-mouth.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive
 

The model with the swim-cap. Is she wearing transparent harem pants, or is that her forcefield?
Either way, it’s quite repulsive.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive
 

yumm leather zombies… :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive
 

Wait wait, it’s a cultural stereotype that redheads have exploding tempers when going after evil? What do Wonderwoman and Super-girl do when they chase down evil, get mildly annoyed? And if that were the case Bat-girl would have had Gotham cleaned out of evil her very first day on the job!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive
 

Curses, though not foiled again. Looks more like a trash bag and two pet squirrels on the arms of the second model.

Go, Big Red! I think I will have to send this blog to my cute little red haired niece. The Marine Sgt.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive
 

No Unca, but to be honest I’ve never imagined you in a WASP neighborhood…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

@unca: do you keep enough stuff around for s,mores? If those crazy fire and brimstone, or possibly just crazy folks are going to make a fire, well…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive
 

@Unca, is the edition of Grenades! you are waiting for the one where they show you how to put the pin back in?

I think it also has the hand grenade song:
Ten hand grenades, sitting on a wall
Ten hand grenades, sitting on a wall
If one hand grenade should accidently fall,
There’ll be no hand grenades and no (expletive deleted) wall.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive
 

au contraire, Spin. I’m pretty sure all the other models are jealous of somebody who gets to stroll down the runway, sweating off those excess ounces, in a high fashion sauna suit :)

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive
 

And here we see some mighty heroines who never quite caught on….starting with Luggage Woman, who possessed the power to camouflage herself as, you guessed it, a suitcase. She was a champion for good until the airline lost her….

Then there’s the lesser known Tea Bag Woman. She planned to use her green tea powers to calm villains and turn them away from their wicked ways…unfortunately, she was badly scalded in an accident involving a very large cup of microwaved water. She just couldn’t tell if it was actually boiling…

The Lone Ranger’s secretary tried to step up to the plate after the demise of the former heroines…her beehive ‘do was her gimmick (aside from the mask), but she never really thought out the logistics of having a hive of Africanized bees living in her hair. She realized too late that she had no way of protecting herself once the angry buzzers had been deployed.

Oh well…as my old friend Wile E. Coyote used to say…”Back to the drawing board…”

Posted by justK | Report as abusive
 

Wow, that really takes me back, justK. I used to watch Luggage Woman, with her long-haired sidekick, Samsonite…

I still remember her catch phrase, too, when she was in full suitcase mode: “Get a grip!”

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

It feels wrong, but I quite like the feathery sleeve gloves. Y’know, until I wore them and got attacked by a dog trying to retrieve my arm to the hunters…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive
 

Red kind of has a Joan Harris look going

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive
 

Indeed she does, Georgia, but now you’ve painted yourself into a corner. What are you going to do when somebody asks you who that is, and you have to teach them something?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

BG, having escaped one zapping (thanks for your kindness, Shra), I’ll just respond “Google is your friend!” :P

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive
 

if all else fails I could follow the example set by the not so brave knights in MP&THG

RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive
 

If so many of us watched Luggage Woman, how come it went off the air?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

I think it was simply a matter of her growing old, Bob. She put on a little weight…couldn’t really be considered carry-on anymore. Once she had to be checked, people lost interest….

Posted by justK | Report as abusive
 

Unca, I reckon whatever they’re from would be quite tasty. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive
 

I would say shoes, coz I can see the shoes all that well…
But I quite like the eye patch, Verrryy Nice !!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

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