Oddly Enough Blog
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“We almost always land”
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Blog Guy, you haven’t written much recently about your secret career with Basler Turbo, that business in Wisconsin that converts DC-3 planes to be used for specific jobs.
Well, it so happens that right now I am very busy designin
g a successor to the incredible Basler BT-67 airplane.
Oooooh! Tell us about it! What will the new one do?
I guess I can give you a few secret details. The Basler BT-70 will come in new, highly specialized models.
Such as?
One model is for doing polar research in the Arctic and Antarctic. It has only one wing, so it can constantly fly in small circles. Just what you need at the poles.
Only one wing? Then how do you get it to the poles in the first place?
Oh. Hmmm. There may be a delay on this one. Anyway, another new BT-70 model can take off and fly backwards, so it doesn’t have to waste time turning around at the airline terminal.
So you had to totally revolutionize the aerodynamics?
Nope, I just welded huge side mirrors beside the windows.
Blog Guy, that just sounds totally moronic. Have you made any changes that are truly useful?
Sure. I’ve maximized the liquor cart to hold twice as much as the one currently in use.
So one cart will serve the whole main cabin?
No, this is just for the cockpit.
Okay Blog Guy, do you have ANY real connection to this airplane company at all?
Let’s just say I have the name, and my blueprints are ready when they call, and leave it at that…
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Right: The crew of a Basler BT-67 fixed wing aircraft release oil dispersant over an oil discharge from the mobile offshore drilling unit, Deepwater Horizon, off the shore of Louisiana, May 5, 2010. Picture taken, May 5, 2010. REUTERS/Stephen Lehmann/U.S. Coast Guard/handout
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So your safety record is as good as anyone else’s, eh? Never left one in the air?
We don’t keep a lot of records, Dave…
What happened to BT-68 and BT-69???
You have to have a BT-69 for reasons best not mentioned on this family blog…
Besides, Spin would be unhappy if you dont have one..
If I flew on the plane in reverse, would I arrive before I left?
Does this airline serve cheese? Do the pilots wear those cheese hats?
Coffee I have, doughnuts are lacking. This will need to be taken care of…
Nice environmental work you’re taking care of, RB.
“The Basler BT-67, we’ll get you to the poles on a wing and a prayer!”
“BasAir, our planes go backwards, your argument is invalid!”
“BasAir, now with three different models we almost have one complete airplane!”
Ok I want to see how long I can run with this so just roll with it please…
BasAir has airplanes….
Airplanes… airplanes fly
Fly…flies…
Flies… insects that buzz around food..
Food….food is delicious..
Delicious…. doughnuts are delicious!
This blog is about doughnuts!
Everyone the shipment of doughnuts is about to arrive! Quick, GET TO THE CHOPPA!
I don’t know, Spin, but I can tell you what they think of the University of Wisconsin Alumni Association…
http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 10/10/18/six-letter-word-means-to-pester -or-nag/
PPPPLLLLLAAAAANNNNNEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!! You see, Shra, we all have our obsessions. Imma gonna wait til the BT-71 comes out in case there are any bugs in the BT-70. I hate bugs.
@ifly … keep the blades spinnin’, I’m on my way.
@Spin and Shra, the BT-69 (of which I would like to remind everyone I am the chief pilot of *cough cough*)has been in service and the most successul model for BasAir for quite some time now. A few of the many examples to reference are here:
http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 11/02/14/climb-faster-we-got-a-plane-to- board/
http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 10/10/08/why-is-our-pilot-wearing-a-life -jacket/
http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 10/09/16/welcome-to-our-new-viking-slave -class/
The BT-68 was the prototype to the BT-69. During the design phase the crucial concept of just how many hamsters would be needed to sufficiently spin the propellers would be determined. Once the number was figured out the company had to go with gerbils instead because Lamar left the cages open one night and the hamsters got away. This mistake would be revolutionary for BasAir because the gerbil weight/thrust output ratio was exactly what the aircraft needed to look pretty on paper. The BT-68 was put into production as the BT-69 model and Lamar was promoted to Senior Executive of Stay The Hell Away From The Gerbil Cages You Ponce.
BasAir is currently revisiting it’s BT-67 model which was the very first design concept for the company that only ended up with one wing because Lamar spent the remaining funds on doughnuts and single malt whiskey. The project was scrapped until the very recent discovery in Peter Pan physics that stated if everyone held their breath and thought very happy thoughts a plane can in fact fly on one wing and a very lengthy prayer.
The BT-70 model is the latest protoype being tested. BasAir senior engineer/physics advisor Eugene “Smarty Pants” Johnson (he reads at a 5th grade level the show off!)is testing his theory that if you get the pilots drunk enough (hence the maxmized drink cart) to the point where they had no idea which direction they were going by association the plane would not either and therefor be capable of going backwards. The theory is still in the testing phase and has been subject to a slight delay as Lamar has failed to come back from the latest liquor store run. Seriously, he said he would be back in five minutes, he pinky swore!
So is the BT-70 the model that has the low-level doughnut dispersal capability?
Nice to know that Lamar is spending his R&D funding on essentials! If he ever gets back from the booze run, maybe he should be promoted Chief Gerbiler to Junior Flunky.
Is the patch for sale in the Goofy Face Museum Gift Shop?
How many doughnut boxtops is it?
Basler Airlines-We
almost always land, but if
not, it’s the water!
Dave, I LOVE “never left one in the air”. That’s my new favourite flying phrase, better even than “take off optional, landing compulsory”.
@jclimacus, using “splendiforous” earns you not only a triple word score but first pick from the next batch of doughnuts.
I wish I could fly BasAir
And be able to survive the journey across the pond..
It could take me via the Poles
As long as it lands safely on solid ground…
I know that is too much to ask
But ask I would, nevertheless
But as the ground rushes in, and everything goes dark…
I know I was doomed to fly BasAir till the very end!!
BasAir is going places.
Sure, we’re starting small with just the flying route between Washington’s Reagan National and Dulles airports, but we could double that within a couple of years.
I’m glad you agree, Spin.
Yes, our market research shows that when you arrive in a city at one airport and have a connecting flight from another airport in the same city, what you really want to do is get on another short hop.
We think this is going to be huge!
Spin, what I originally meant was we would be able to offer one-way trips between airports in two different cities. But your ingenious new twist, to fly someplace, turn around and fly back, is brilliant and will certainly give us more bang for our airplane buck. Plus, this is exactly where the side mirrors come in.
Do I get a raise if I am going to have to fly the thing in two directions now?
“Coffee, tea or BG? Join the OE blog network!”
You’re hired. Meet me at the home office in Wisconsin, and we’ll collectively bargain over your salary and benefits. Oh, wait…
Can i get hired as the publicist in that case?
they are gonna frickin sue you, and then we are no longer related!