“We almost always land”

February 24, 2011

Blog Guy, you haven’t written much recently about your secret career with Basler Turbo, that business in Wisconsin that converts DC-3 planes to be used for specific jobs.

Well, it so happens that right now I am very busy designinbasler airlines patch 340g a successor to the incredible Basler BT-67 airplane.

Oooooh! Tell us about it! What will the new one do?

I guess I can give you a few secret details. The Basler BT-70 will come in new, highly specialized models.

Such as?

One model is for doing polar research in the Arctic and Antarctic. It has only one wing, so it can constantly fly in small circles. Just what you need at the poles.

Only one wing? Then how do you get it to the poles in the first place?

Oh. Hmmm. There may be a delay on this one. Anyway, another new BT-70 model can take off and fly backwards, so it doesn’t have to waste time turning around at the airline terminal.

So you had to totally revolutionize the aerodynamics?

OIL-RIG/LEAKNope, I just welded huge side mirrors beside the windows.

Blog Guy, that just sounds totally moronic. Have you made any changes that are truly useful?

Sure. I’ve maximized the liquor cart to hold twice as much as the one currently in use.

So one cart will serve the whole main cabin?

No, this is just for the cockpit.

Okay Blog Guy, do you have ANY real connection to this airplane company at all?

Let’s just say I have the name, and my blueprints are ready when they call, and leave it at that…

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Right: The crew of a Basler BT-67 fixed wing aircraft release oil dispersant over an oil discharge from the mobile offshore drilling unit, Deepwater Horizon, off the shore of Louisiana, May 5, 2010. Picture taken, May 5, 2010. REUTERS/Stephen Lehmann/U.S. Coast Guard/handout

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So your safety record is as good as anyone else’s, eh? Never left one in the air?

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

We don’t keep a lot of records, Dave…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

What happened to BT-68 and BT-69???
You have to have a BT-69 for reasons best not mentioned on this family blog…
Besides, Spin would be unhappy if you dont have one..

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

If I flew on the plane in reverse, would I arrive before I left?

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Does this airline serve cheese? Do the pilots wear those cheese hats?

Coffee I have, doughnuts are lacking. This will need to be taken care of…

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Nice environmental work you’re taking care of, RB. 😛

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by robert basler, Oddly Enough. Oddly Enough said: “We almost always land” http://dlvr.it/HT3hR […]

Posted by Tweets that mention “We almost always land” | Oddly Enough Blog | Analysis & Opinion | Reuters.com — Topsy.com | Report as abusive

“The Basler BT-67, we’ll get you to the poles on a wing and a prayer!”

“BasAir, our planes go backwards, your argument is invalid!”

“BasAir, now with three different models we almost have one complete airplane!”

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Ok I want to see how long I can run with this so just roll with it please…

BasAir has airplanes….
Airplanes… airplanes fly
Flies… insects that buzz around food..
Food….food is delicious..
Delicious…. doughnuts are delicious!
This blog is about doughnuts!
Everyone the shipment of doughnuts is about to arrive! Quick, GET TO THE CHOPPA!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I don’t know, Spin, but I can tell you what they think of the University of Wisconsin Alumni Association…

http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 10/10/18/six-letter-word-means-to-pester -or-nag/

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

PPPPLLLLLAAAAANNNNNEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!! You see, Shra, we all have our obsessions. Imma gonna wait til the BT-71 comes out in case there are any bugs in the BT-70. I hate bugs.

@ifly … keep the blades spinnin’, I’m on my way.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

@Spin and Shra, the BT-69 (of which I would like to remind everyone I am the chief pilot of *cough cough*)has been in service and the most successul model for BasAir for quite some time now. A few of the many examples to reference are here:

http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 11/02/14/climb-faster-we-got-a-plane-to- board/

http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 10/10/08/why-is-our-pilot-wearing-a-life -jacket/

http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 10/09/16/welcome-to-our-new-viking-slave -class/

The BT-68 was the prototype to the BT-69. During the design phase the crucial concept of just how many hamsters would be needed to sufficiently spin the propellers would be determined. Once the number was figured out the company had to go with gerbils instead because Lamar left the cages open one night and the hamsters got away. This mistake would be revolutionary for BasAir because the gerbil weight/thrust output ratio was exactly what the aircraft needed to look pretty on paper. The BT-68 was put into production as the BT-69 model and Lamar was promoted to Senior Executive of Stay The Hell Away From The Gerbil Cages You Ponce.

BasAir is currently revisiting it’s BT-67 model which was the very first design concept for the company that only ended up with one wing because Lamar spent the remaining funds on doughnuts and single malt whiskey. The project was scrapped until the very recent discovery in Peter Pan physics that stated if everyone held their breath and thought very happy thoughts a plane can in fact fly on one wing and a very lengthy prayer.

The BT-70 model is the latest protoype being tested. BasAir senior engineer/physics advisor Eugene “Smarty Pants” Johnson (he reads at a 5th grade level the show off!)is testing his theory that if you get the pilots drunk enough (hence the maxmized drink cart) to the point where they had no idea which direction they were going by association the plane would not either and therefor be capable of going backwards. The theory is still in the testing phase and has been subject to a slight delay as Lamar has failed to come back from the latest liquor store run. Seriously, he said he would be back in five minutes, he pinky swore!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

So is the BT-70 the model that has the low-level doughnut dispersal capability?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Nice to know that Lamar is spending his R&D funding on essentials! If he ever gets back from the booze run, maybe he should be promoted Chief Gerbiler to Junior Flunky.

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Is the patch for sale in the Goofy Face Museum Gift Shop?
How many doughnut boxtops is it?

Basler Airlines-We
almost always land, but if
not, it’s the water!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

Dave, I LOVE “never left one in the air”. That’s my new favourite flying phrase, better even than “take off optional, landing compulsory”. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

@jclimacus, using “splendiforous” earns you not only a triple word score but first pick from the next batch of doughnuts.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I wish I could fly BasAir
And be able to survive the journey across the pond..
It could take me via the Poles
As long as it lands safely on solid ground…
I know that is too much to ask
But ask I would, nevertheless
But as the ground rushes in, and everything goes dark…
I know I was doomed to fly BasAir till the very end!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

BasAir is going places.

Sure, we’re starting small with just the flying route between Washington’s Reagan National and Dulles airports, but we could double that within a couple of years.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I’m glad you agree, Spin.

Yes, our market research shows that when you arrive in a city at one airport and have a connecting flight from another airport in the same city, what you really want to do is get on another short hop.

We think this is going to be huge!

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Spin, what I originally meant was we would be able to offer one-way trips between airports in two different cities. But your ingenious new twist, to fly someplace, turn around and fly back, is brilliant and will certainly give us more bang for our airplane buck. Plus, this is exactly where the side mirrors come in.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Do I get a raise if I am going to have to fly the thing in two directions now?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

“Coffee, tea or BG? Join the OE blog network!”

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

You’re hired. Meet me at the home office in Wisconsin, and we’ll collectively bargain over your salary and benefits. Oh, wait…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Can i get hired as the publicist in that case?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

[…] tested. That’s a pretty cool concept. Have you thought about making a solar version of that Basler BT-70 airplane of […]

Posted by Okay, what moron closed the sun roof? | Oddly Enough Blog | Report as abusive

[…] Guy, I know you’re busy designing the next generation Basler BT-70 aircraft, but I may want to buy a plane before you have a chance to test your new […]

Posted by Cashing in on My Good Name? | Oddly Enough Blog | Report as abusive

they are gonna frickin sue you, and then we are no longer related!

Posted by bigsusie | Report as abusive